I need some advice please. My life feels dull and I have lost faith. I feel crazy and deluded.
It was 2006, bliss! I had just had my first meeting with a person who changed my life in 5 hours. A few weeks later, it was like I moved into a different reality. An invisible energy moved into my mind and body. Loving, healing, funny, understanding, gentle and completely addictive. It could move me, guide me and keep me safe. I would never tell anyone else than people in the web about this, all people around me would think I had gone mad.
I started to remember things from my childhood, old ghosts came up to be dealt with. I started to feel fake, like I had lived my life as an actor, but not aware of why and what kind. I changed, I lot.
The relationship with my "invisible force" was much like a child/parent relationship as well as woman/man relationship. (I used to become a little kid in my relationships, clinging on)
It would come and go. When it comes back, I always cry out of relief, and when it goes, I get angry and feel very lost.
Sometimes, new people pop up. I have learnt to be honest to people, say what I think, and I can get uncomfortable a lot of times. And that from being a people pleaser.
Last summer a young man came up to me in a park. We started talking like I knew him already. It was like our minds were wired. He would use my words, think my thoughts and make me feel totally safe. I was convinced he was my invisible force in a mans body, aswell as the man I met 2006. Same touch, same jokes, same feeling - but there would be no way I would say anything about that. It could have been a coincidence, I knew deep within it wasnt, but I was too worried saying something like .... "It's you, is'nt it?" He gave me a thousand clues, made the exact same movements my "force" did the first time he came to me (a rolling soft movement on my cheek) this is also the move the man from 2006 used to greet me. No one else has ever done that to me.
He would just turn up. For a few months. We talked all night. I felt very deeply for him. Then he disappeard. It all ended one night, like a grand finale. My head was rushing from things he was saying to me, deep memories being dragged up to the surface. I wanted to ask him. Who was he really? Was he my guide? But I could not, so scared of looking like a insane person.
I have no number, no address, and I have not seen him since.
My "force" guide or whoever it is, says it was him, when I communicate with him. (it's not like a voice in my head, it's a way I can't explain, thought talking) but I was stopped from asking him in person because it would be too much for my head.
Who are these guides? These forces and mystical men coming to see me?
The last time my guide was here, was maybe 6-7 weeks ago, when a person was supposed to come and stay for the weekend. He told me not to let this person stay. I was so happy over feeling my guide again and I get a bit "trippy" but I did what he told me to. Since then I have not felt him here.
I just want to forget about it. I never get any answers. I am being messed with. I know I am more aware of myself and my behaviours, I know I understand more - but I keep losing faith.
I need my guide or him in person to be here with me ALL the time, or I slip in to this meaningless state where I feel lost and left. Why would a nice energy want to make me feel like this? Insane.
I go to forums for schizofrenia, pshycoses and delusions. Mental illnesses. How could my mind make all this up? I dont dare asking a doctor. Or anyone else. What is going on? It has been puzzling me for years now. Has anyone else been through this? Or know what it is?
Replies
i can totally relate to the things you have put on here, its all very mad,
i dont know what is goin on really, but when i read this post it made me feel ok,
xxxxx
hey man. i went through a HARD psychosis period in my life about 3 years ago. i thought i was the second coming of christ, i thought i was solving patterns and deciphering secret signs built into architecture and language, i thought i drank from the fountain of youth, i though all of my college professors were directly talking to me in all of my classes. it was so terrible yet so enlightening. i ended up in a rehab center for 7 days thinking that when i made the decision to "check myself in" it meant the opposite... check myself out. seeing as how i thought i was christ, i had to die and i accepted that when i signed the paper to check myself into a rehab center. i could not have been put in one without my own consent because i was perfectly healthy with clean blood work and beyond perfect vitals. i have been having the same emotions lately of uncertainty and fear which u speak of. it seems very real. i have come to realize through reading your post its not fear, its simply how we are able to "connect the dots" by sharing such validated emotions such as these. i would be more than willing to talk about this further I'm quite intrigued.
......................................for me, awakening and mental "illness" are the same........................
I belive you dont have a mental illness you just anxius , To begen with you tough the person you met in the park was your spiritual guide , but I belive he was one of your soul mates. Each human have several soul brothers and soul sisters you will enconter but there human as you. Your spiritual guide is invisible you can't see him unless is a dream he may came as a person but in a quick enconter.Some one I knew use to keep a journal. You should pray to your guide and then start writing your inspire words. If you notice your writing something that dont sound like you is working. You have some time relaxing and leave the anxiety behiend .
we r sane......
Your spirit guide is always with you. The human to spirit guide relationship isn't supposed to be dependent. They are guides, they help, and you are still in this "Earth School" learning so they can't give you the answers for everything if you are meant to learn it for yourself. You must first realize that you can trust yourself, to depend on yourself. You are always communicating with your spirit guide even if you are not aware of it. Because they are always next to you. I've heard the possibility that not all spirit guides are always linked in your head... like before you are born, you give your permission to give them 24/7 access or only when you call on them. It's also possible that the communication that you seek, is not from your spirit guide, but from a visiting soulmate, possibly Twin Flame spirit. If this is the case, I recommend setting up "dates" to communicate with him to give him "time" to put you in his schedule (he might be off saving the world, or working on his soul self). Use your heart when deciding when to make these dates, and how often a year you want these dates. I recommend thinking of questions to ask him, like his name, if you've lived past lives together, if he is actually your spirit guide. But if he is your soulmate or Twin Flame, and you still have physical relationships to experience, you might not get to know that he is because it might interfere. If you're good at remembering your dreams, you can request a dream visit... but don't expect things to happen right away. I know when I first learned of spirit guides, I didn't get to communicate with mine until 6 years later... but now we're talking all the time, every day.
You can also do automatic writing anytime you want (the kind where you ignore typos and punctuation... hell, don't even look at the screen while you type if you can!). It's best to think of questions, put them aside... and ask them when your emotions attached to those questions aren't as fresh... so you're able to get a clearer answer... since our own emotions can blur their answers.
As far as the people you've met... before we incarnate, we try and plan for certain people to enter our lives... the influence these people leave may be great, or small. Sometimes your guide is able to communicate to another person's guide to get the human to do certain body movements or say certain things to you. Your spirit guide will stay spirit for your entire incarnation, they made a loving contract with you to be your guide... they do not switch from spirit to human during your lifetime.
first remember that there are no such thing as coincidences! We all have higher selves also...as far as the mental illness shit...well...spent 30 years going down that road. They will definatly find something wrong with you...then start you on meds. Don't go there...I can tell you from experience. I realized that they were MAKING me sick. I left my shrink in my dust and walked away from all their judgements. BEST thing I ever did for myself! And do not judge yourself by all the strange things...look forward to all the truth coming out and anyone who thinks you are crazy will be calling you for advise. I sooooo look forward to that day! Blessings
in traditional communities the mad people were seen as skiled in sensitivity. your not mad unless you speak to and accept the current twisted discourse. we are the sharmans of our newly unfolding world!!!!
nothing new in ascention rather its a remembering as the circle completes
i reckon when you step into the evolution any sliding back is met with great discomfort.
speaking personally
i reckon i am on a rapid trajectory but sometimes i get scared and long for the old known ( unsatisfying) reaality. at that point i get physically sick...fever/ nausea and seriously emotional..
i ride it out in trusting all is as it ought to be... detach from the process and outcome as much as you can muster
also step deeper into the change ...i tend to focus on chakras inflamed and overflowing ...this helps me ride it out and confirm that the "madness" is the truth
hope that is a bit helpful
loved
enjoy
Complete the circle, ask for guidance. The hardest lesson I had to learn was the ability to simply ask. Not ask in desperation, but to see in as many moments as possible throughout my day, the beauty and abundant power of the self, by asking them to be there. If you are being left with a sense of discomfort or despair, ask your guide why these things are. Ask what lesson must be learnt, sometimes what we are experiencing is preparing us for circumstances that must shape our soul in some way.
Attach your mind, body and spirit to your highest and most resonate perception of your highest self, and continue to bring that connection to the forefront of your mind throughout the day, leading you toward your highest and most loving purpose. In this way you will understand, be open to your environment, as answers do not always come through the mind.
You are not mad...you are worrying about the perception of madness, please do not fear it. What if I told you, you had complete control over the connections of your soul, that your guide is a part of your evolution, that it is a part of your understanding of self. He will be there when your HEART wants him to be there, for he is your heart. Not burdened by conceptual gender classifications or stereotypes, your heart will interact with your consciousness in a way that you feel the most comfortable discussing your current life path. That is why they change, why they may become multiples, or appear beyond the scope of being able to describe them. (This is why we attach the concept of divine intervention to these interactions, as they are often indescribable).
But the interaction does not have to be this way, it can be very casual, it can be very intimate, it can anything you wish it to be. You put your own limitations on your mind, and your mind will figure out how to astound you. Your mind is limitless, you must accept this aspect of the female energy, that works in tandem with the male energy that classifies duality. Self + Infinite, your male energy will give you questions, your female mind will give you answers. The observation of this interaction is what you are seeing through your guide. You are observing your higher self, interacting with self beyond space and time. That is achieving oneness, and how the most informed, perfect decisions are made in tandem to the rest of the universe.
Perhaps you have been made to feel this way by your guide, for you to act and post this discussion, in order to understand something in a particular way you could not perceive or experience in any other way, and on no other timeline. Guides work through illustrations (within my perception), they illustrate lessons, passions, bliss, and an array of emotions to me through the introduction of concepts into my perception. Deciphering is the initial instinct of 3rd dimensional thinking, but if you refrain from this expectation, and look at the concept on a higher potential ratio, of what it could be. You suddenly created a connection to a higher thought, and must maintain it as such. You loosen your faith because you fear what it could mean and that creates room for doubt. This is how we develop trust within ourselves, you've chosen to learn a lesson that frees you from conditioning, as many of us have; know that it is the very harmonious once balanced.
Serenity
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