Spiritual Forum

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear. Richard Bach

Root of Fear

According to Buddhism, We have many fears-fear of terrorism, fear of death, fear of being separated from people we love, fear of losing control, fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of losing our job, the list is never-ending! Many of our present fears are rooted in what Buddha identified as “delusions” – distorted ways of looking at ourself and the world around us. If we learn to control our mind, and reduce and eventually eliminate these delusions, the source of all our fear, healthy and unhealthy, is eradicated.

Fear and Choice

First and foremost, understand that you always have a choice about how to respond to and deal with fear. You can cave into it, struggle with it, accept it, or work around it. You always have a choice, a choice you can make again and again or that you can change based on your assessment of what is best for you.

Redefining F.E.A.R.

Knowing that you have a choice about how to deal with your fears, consider the following reframe. Think of F.E.A.R. as an acronym for Fantasy Expectations Appearing Real. FEAR takes unsupported premises about impending doom, amplifies them, and presents the alleged results as inevitable failure.

I envision unsupported fears as hot air balloons. Once we grab hold of them, we are flung all over the countryside, terrified, out of control, anxious and powerless. Yet we fail to notice that no one forced us to grab onto the balloon in the first place. How would it be to stay put, safe on the ground, while the balloons go off on their merry, scary way?

If this image captures your imagination, play with it. Next time you have a fear attack, imagine a big hot air balloon touching down near you. Notice how tempting it is to grab on (or even to climb into) the basket, and then see yourself deciding to let it go. Watch the balloon careening over the landscape, while you remain, safe and sound, on the ground.

Dealing With Fear: Exercise

Make a list of all of your fears, writing as fast as you can to block the internal censor. Include EVERY fear, however small or irrational. Then read them aloud, suspending judgment. Allow yourself to feel the fear without grabbing onto the hot air balloon. Notice that being afraid does not have to mean losing ground.

If it feels comfortable, share your list with a friend. Before sharing your list, explain that you simply want a witness, that you are playing with how it is to acknowledge your fears without being pulled off center by them. Be clear that you are not asking for help and that you do not need advice. You do not need to be fixed. Ask your friend to simply listen, and to acknowledge you for being conscious of your fears.

Dealing With Fear and Anxiety: - Tapping into Your Body Wisdom

Your Wise Body

Our bodies are safe havens, the home bases in which we ground ourselves so that we can deal with our fears with grace and clarity. They are wise companions, ever-present witnesses to our experience and guides to the next step. Our bodies' wisdom is available whenever we take the time to check in and hear what they have to say.

Tapping Into Your Body's Wisdom

In order to tap into your body's wisdom to deal with fear and get free from it, it is vital that you first acknowledge your body and become willing to let go of all the ways you may have stifled its messages to you. Many of us have run roughshod over the gifts of the body, numbing our senses with food or other substances, dulling our awareness with overwork, and ignoring symptoms or turning them off with painkillers.

Note, I said "become willing" to let go of your body-deadening patterns. Please do not keep yourself stuck by looking for perfection on this point. All that is needed is that you make a beginning by acknowledging the ways that you turn away from your body's wisdom and affirming that you are willing to be different. You do not need to know how you will change this, only that you desire to do so.

You can transform the way you deal with fear by simply holding from day to day a curious wondering about how your body might be a safe haven. How might you cultivate this wondering? Is there a symbol for how it would feel to be safe and utterly at home in your own skin? How might you use this symbol to bring your awareness to the possible safety and wisdom of your own body? (Clue: ask your body to suggest a symbol to you. Then draw it, paint it, dance it, sing it, sculpt it. This is a personal expression of your body's wisdom, not an art project. Critics are not invited to this party.)

Tapping Into Your Body's Wisdom: Exercise

Here's an exercise that will connect you with that safe inner space as well as open a dialogue with your body.

Sit quietly, feet flat on the floor, hands relaxed at your side, back straight and eyes gently closed. (You may lie down if you will not fall asleep.) Scan your body for sensations by simply directing your awareness to your feet, then ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips, etc. all the way up your body to the crown of your head. As your attention pauses at each area, simply notice what is. Suspend judgment, making no attempt to change things. This is not a relaxation exercise, though you may find it profoundly restful. It is first and foremost a practice of noticing how it is with your body right now.

It can deepen your experience and keep your attention from drifting to speak your observations aloud. "I notice a sort of buzz in my left calf. Hmmm, my right thigh is a bit tight. I feel a kind of excitement in my abdomen. My right shoulder blade is higher than the left…." This is also a way of letting your body know, "Yes, I hear you. Yes, I notice that, too." Just as our friends would soon tire of a one-sided conversation, our bodies will only speak to us when we listen and acknowledge what they have to say.

Now, find the place of center in your body. Often this is at the center of the abdomen, a couple of inches below your navel. Find where it is for you by sensing into your body for that place where you feel whole and intact. (It can help to recall a time when you felt whole and intact, then notice how you experience that in your body.) Breathe into this place and allow the well being you find there to expand into the rest of your body.

Don't fret if nothing seems to be happening, or if you do not seem to understand what "sensing into your body" means. Simply set the intention, spend a few minutes with your body in interested curiosity about what might happen, and listen. If there is resistance, simply notice that, too, and let it be. Over time you will become more skilled at connecting with your body. For now, let it be enough that you are saying, "Hello."

Dealing With Fear and Anxiety: - Discern Two Types of Fear

When dealing with fear, it is helpful to realize that not all fears are created equal. W. Timothy Gallwey and Robert Kriegel devote an entire chapter to two kinds of fear in their book, Inner Skiing, which they call Fear 1 and Fear 2. Fear 1 magnifies danger and vulnerability while minimizing your sense of competence. In other words, Fear 1 is Fantasy Expectations Appearing Real.

Fear 2 mobilizes your whole being for effective action. It includes a series of marvelous physiological changes that prepare the body for peak performance. Fear 2 focuses attention, provides adrenaline for extraordinary effort, and sharpens perception. Fear 2 promotes effective action, Fear 1 paralyzes us and prevents action.

Exercise

Return to the list of fears that you made in the first exercise in this guide. Now, you have the opportunity to sort your fears by type. Work through your list, labeling each fear as:

• Fear 1

• Fear 2

• Not sure, or includes aspects of both types of fear.

If you have not yet written a fear list, do so now. Writing down your fears is a powerful step in dealing with fears and anxiety and eventually managing them. Until you write them down, they are like so many vehicles in gridlock. Once you have them on paper, you can park some and move others, clearing a space for forward movement. In this way, writing down your fears creates a space for awareness and choice. (Tip: Refrain from judging yourself or your fears. Just list and label them.)

Making the Distinction Between Two Types of Fear

Once you have a list, notice where Fear 1 and Fear 2 show up. The following distinctions will help:

• Fear 1 promotes panic and confusion. Fear 2 promotes clarity and purpose.

• Fear 1 is often about saving face. Fear 2 is about stepping out of your comfort zone.

• Fear 1 triggers avoidance of the facts. Fear 2 heightens awareness and perception.

• Fear 1 wants you just to stop. Fear 2 wants you to move forward powerfully and safely.

• Fear 1 magnifies danger and vulnerability. Fear 2 calls on our capacity to respond to danger.

• Fear 1 originates in our ego mind. Fear 2 is a whole-system response.

Both types of fear are present in many situations. What is important is to use your powers of assessment and discrimination to turn down the volume on Fear 1 while calling on Fear 2 for the energy and focus to move forward. With practice, you can actually transform Fear 1 into Fear 2 by focusing and accurately assessing the real risk and your real competence.

For example, Fear 1 makes a terrified skier (and I speak from experience!), see a shear drop where the slope is actually quite moderate. When the skier stops and measures the actual slope by holding her pole parallel to it, she increases her awareness of actual conditions, reducing the influence of Fear 1. By continuing to examine the slope, seeing in her mind’s eye how she would ski the slope if she chose to, she further reduces panic. When at last she takes off down the hill, trusting in her competence and in her assessment of the challenge, she completes her shift from Fear 1 (panic) into Fear 2 (concentrated exhilaration).

Learning to deal with fears in this manner takes practice. The pay off is potentially unlimited as you remove barriers to learning, performance and joy.

Dealing With Fear and Anxiety: - Maintaining Homeostasis, Self Sabotage, and Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,

brand endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he

will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Henry David Thoreau

The above quote is inspiring. It is also incomplete, for it is also true that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams he will meet with homeostasis.

What Is Homeostasis?

Homeostasis is the tendency of a system or organism to stay the same. It's like a thermostat that keeps change within a certain range. Call that range your comfort zone. In order to learn and grow, it is necessary to leave your comfort zone, yet every time you do, homeostasis kicks in, slowing your progress or halting it altogether.

Homeostasis often shows up as fear. For example, you'll be moving along nicely toward a certain goal when, seemingly out of the blue, you get panicky and stop. You get an interview or you have a proposal accepted, and once the initial excitement wears off you are left with the sick certainty that you cannot live up to the opportunity.

Because homeostasis is a systemic response to change, it can feel like self sabotage. There is an important difference: self sabotage implies that some part of you has an active desire to undermine your progress. In contrast, maintaining homeostasis is a value-neutral, automatic response to change. It is not the result of a secret desire to fail or of any hidden agenda other than the built-in tendency of the system to stay the same.

If you mistake maintaining homeostasis for self sabotage, you may waste precious energy beating yourself up for limiting beliefs or hidden agendas. If, indeed, you have such issues, it will be well for you to address them. However, you can be in marvelous mental and emotional health, free of limiting beliefs, and still run into a brick wall when homeostasis kicks in.

Understanding Homeostasis

Fortunately, the better you understand homeostasis, the less power it will have over you. Here are some key points to keep in mind.

a. Homeostatic fear shows up regardless of whether the change is good or bad, wise or foolhardy. The intensity of fear and resistance is related to the size and pace of the change, not to the quality (good, bad, wise, unwise) of the change.

b. You may encounter homeostatic fear among family, friends, colleagues and clients as well as in yourself. This does not have to mean that these people have a secret desire to sabotage you. Their concerns may simply be the expression of natural resistance to any change.

Source: http://mollygordon.com/overcome-fears-anxiety/index.html