This is the third time I've been on earth, I can't remember the first but I do remember the last time I was here (Spain around 1400 a.C.) Back then I was a life time friend of Amelia the Queen of Spain, I was the daughter of her nurse, Amelia reigned by a short and dark period of time, our other close friend was Elizabeth, who's greed and ambition consumed her, the 3 of us practiced witchcraft, we could levitate, disappear, telekinesis, Amelia could "read minds" and I could heal people.
Amelia, after the funeral of her father King Felipe found this object on her bed, a necklace, it was some sort of medal that resembles the flower of life, she hid it and told no one she had it, she said it held a huge energy it could be felt just by being in the same room. We don't know what got into Elizabeth but she kept herself apart from us and angry, she knew Amelia had this object and wanted it, for a time I worked with Elizabeth, I'm pretty sure I did horrible things because I can remember I can still remember a lot.
At the same time this was happening there was a killing spree across Europe, which authorities couldn't explain but it was massive, we still don't know if it was Elizabeth who was behind it but I don't doubt it. I stopped "working" with her because I met someone, this boy was in charge of Amelia's security, Sadack, next to him was Gabriel, a long time friend of Amelia, Gabriel also fell in love with her, but of course they kept discretion.
This is a long story and I still have to explain THIS current lifetime so I'll skip to the end...
Elizabeth went crazy, stormed out of the palace, swore revenge and said to be more than us. She was angry to see me happy with Sadack and even more angry to know that Amelia had the object I mentioned earlier. After the night Sadack proposed to me and asked me to leave Spain with him (because the killing spree was getting bigger) also because Gabriel told him it was "ok" if we wanted to leave, which then I didn't understood but... you'll see. Well.. we spent that night together, next morning Elizabeth killed him in front of me, then took me to Amelia and killed me in front of her, she of course refused to give her the necklace, they fought, when they were both very injured Gabriel walked in, took the necklace (which killed Elizabeth somehow when she tried to take it by her own hands) and killed Amelia. He never explained a thing, only said "I'm sorry, it's the way it must be".
There are many details that I've skipped because as you can imagine they are still very painful to me, I knew this whole story 6 years ago, by Amelia who's name here and now is Ailed, my name was mary, now you know what to call me, and Elizabeth who is now Naville, as sad as it is, we barely know about her. We met in junior high school, we recognized each other, I could only remember what I dreamt of, Ailed could remember everything. After gaining each others trust she told us everything, at first Naville was very interested in knowing what happened, after knowing a bit of the strry she backed off and never mentioned anything again, called us crazy, but I did wanted to know because of that boy, there were many things Ailed mentioned that she couldn't possibly know because only I had seen and never told anyone about it.
I was 13-14 when we met and found out about this, I was 21 when I died, I turned 21 last month.
Personally, this thing messed me up, caused me serious issues, I spent years trying to figure it out and I'm still not sure why it happened what happened, and I've spent years trying to ignore it, in the recent years I've been trying to let go of it.
My whole life I've felt like it was my destiny to die young, which is why I got into showbusiness in 2006, I got into so many things, serious problems and huge opportunities, I started living light-speed like trying to learn as many lessons as possible, I've taken good decisions, bad decisions and worst decisions, at this point I regret nothing because in the end I get to say that I lived.
But still... still... that boy whom I loved so much, he was supposed to come back around this time, we were supposed to meet around this time, could be tomorrow, I don't know, he was around too 5 years ago, but his mother (parapsychologist) wouldn't let him talk to me, why? No idea! Neither his cousin... guess who... Gabriel, who now goes by Leo.
I've told this story to many ones around the web who claim to be angels, masters etc etc. But no one gives me an answer, as if they never read my letter, I don't understand why Gabriel did what he did, I don't understand why everyone wanted that friggin' necklace and I don't understand why I had to go throughout such a horrible experience. (Maybe Karma, since I do remember killing people).
I don't have a boyfriend, I've had so many torrid romances, I've been self destructive and some of those romances were a form of self destruction, people often don't understand why me, someone who has so much, who can be so happy most of the time, and have such bright light around her, would do that to herself.
But people have no idea what if feels to lose someone like that, and even worst, they wouldn't understand the conditions on which I "lost" that person, because I know he's around and he's coming back at some point... but no one, no matter how much they know me, or think they do, has any idea of what it feels not being with him, not knowing a word from him, not even being able to break this connection we have to for Christ's sake move on with my life! Because trust me, I've tried, it hurt so much that I tried more than once.
And I had to write this, because you guys have no idea how much I miss him.
After spiritual seek, trying to be a better person and trying to be in service of others, the only thing that I think of all the time, the only thing that keeps me from feeling complete, it's him.
I'm at a cross roads now, and I can't pretend that this never happened, I can't make as if he doesn't matter or I don't remember him, because I remember him all the time and it still hurts, I want to get over this cycle, I want to stop my self destruction and vicious cycles as well... and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Replies
I understand and appreciate your viewpoint.
Has anything changed since you posted this on Sept. 1?
Love, B
I'll post later what it is all about, no I haven't found the boy... but I assure you this is a good thing and I'm starting to feel complete again. =D
I'm just having a rough time changing my perception on that boy, that one person, I'm digging this thing out and I need time, and at the same time I don't wanna miss a thing about what's going on outside of me, quite a paradox isn't it? Maybe it is true, maybe I'm not anymore that person who so skillfully buried her emotional distress.
I'm not standing in the nowhere, or maybe I am, depends on how you see it, I got my career, my job, my family and my friends and I know how all of this could change in the blink of an eye.
You know we are told that change never stops and I am aware of it, I'm used to live in the plane of uncertainity... but to not know where you stand can be quite frightening too.
I am sure you will find what you are looking for, as you deserve such things. Perhaps when you do, you will see just how lucky you are to have had this experience.