Hello to everybody on here and the world, and beyond our world...coming to this website and finding more spiritual people is like finally coming home after a long journey of many downs and finally some great ups. For me this website kind of ironic because I honestly have a cat who is 13 years old who I named Ashtar and he's been the most wonderful companion, sure a brat at times, but he's one of my best friends and he's not just a cat to me.
This is my Introduction to you all.
I already began, but here's just an element of my life that I feel like sharing for some reason... my name is Stacie Winters, I live in the US, I've been to Europe, Canada and Japan in my life. Childhood was rather dismal for me, as were the teenage years. It's like...I knew that there was a lot more to this world than what I was seeing with my own eyes but I was blind, like a newborn. Depression filled me immensely for many years, a combination of factors which built up over time that formulated this early period of sadness for me. A combination of a mothers love that, when I was 6, suddenly felt vanished (she became a Jehovah's Witness at that moment of my life so that most likely played a factor), discovering the difference between boys and girls and at that age feeling that boys were ugly and girls were pretty and I wanted to be one of the pretty ones (factoid about me, I'm Transgender, born a boy but never felt like a boy) so I was depressed about that, the religious structure and their enforcement/dogma for me to conform to their way, their rules, their dogma, and feeling that the religious mold was just Not For Me. I grew up longing to figure out this confusion within me, always fascinated with 'Star Wars' and other great science fiction stories and looking up at the Stars with desire in my eyes to be "Out There." To be on spaceships and with aliens and wanting to help others and love others.
Growing up with all these mixed feelings, knowing that my body was 'off" and that for some reason my mother was seeing me through a different pair of eyes, her attempting to mold me as she saw fit for me and never asking me what I thought, how I felt, or what I wanted to do for myself and my father letting her maintain this control...it was too much. Suicide attempts followed, two of them, and as you can see I didn't succeed and for that I am ever grateful. Confusion relating to girls as well as guys eclipsed during the teenage years and high school was like a prison. These feelings of depression stuck with me till Dec 22, 2007 when I was 31.
It wasn't till I was twenty I just stopped going to her church but the religious upbringing and the notion that there is a truth to the Bible, I just wasn't seeing it, led me to seek out other religious faiths. Joined the Air Force and got baptized LDS (Mormon) and the day I got baptized was the last day I stepped inside a church. It was the first time I just felt this inner knowing that that I did was I felt I had to do but now it was time to seek out further instruction elsewhere. And seek I did.
Shortly after my short stint in the Air Force, of which to this day I really don't know why I joined except to maybe escape my parents, I met a girl. This girl, who was my fiance and now just a superb friend and roommate, introduced me to a being she simply called B or Mr. B. His name is Balzar, and to my conscious knowledge was the first tiime I met a channeled being. That's when it just hit me that I knew reincarnation was real, that I had lived previous lives before, but I had never remembered any of them. I started to get a glimpse of a beautiful world, full of beautiful people, everybody there just gorgeous and friendly. He said those were glimpse of a past life as Pleiadian, and I was like "that's Awesome." :)
Still, it would be another ten years before I got the answer I was seeking, which is simply, 'I Am a Girl.' and not this male that others perceive me to be. All the signs were present, but I never put two and two together. Life changing Moment if there ever is one. I went from having a reason to hate myself (and I went through a period where I did, indeed, hate myself) to absolutely Loving myself. It was like a switch, Night and Day. A Lightbulb, or, like a massive Lightning Bolt that hit me, with a message that said, "Okay Stacie, its time to Wake Up."
Today it feels like the previous period of my life was just some long, overly drawn out dream and I am Awakening into a new world with fresh eyes. Since I "discovered" myself I have just devoured, through learning (reading, movies, seminars) much about me, the world, and as much as I can find and discover about the Spiritual nature of life. I have read books on the Ego and how tricky it is, I've watched and listen to Abraham Hicks, Bob Proctor, and numerous other people on Law of Attraction and different spiritual theories. My boobs have started to grow and my body is slowly changing over time. :) I see the world now for what it is, a Wonderful, ever Loving and Present Intelligence that has allowed us to share itself with us. I See that we are All Connected, Individuals in a Sea of Unity. I Feel Connected to Everybody I meet, I Feel myself in everybody who stands before me, and I feel only Love for everybody, everything, and all the intelligences that are beyond our current vibrational state.
As for my birth parents, they disowned me and have no desire to ever see me again. This I fully Accept and Allow and no matter their words or disapproval, I absolutely Love them and wish only greatness to fill their lives. I wish this for everybody I ever meet, and even saying that isn't quite true, since I've already met everybody in a way. :)
With Eternal Love, this is my short story to share. From where I once was to where I Am today, always present in the Eternal Now. I Love you All.
Stacie
Replies
Bless you Stacie,
I honour you with light and love and commend you for the energy invested in yourself and the inner work. "Know yourself and you will know the universe and the Gods", " for as above so below". Thank-you for touching my heart and in the name of the mighty victorious presence of God, I AM THAT I AM and my pure Christ self and the passion of awakening i shout 'WE ARE LOVE, WE ARE LOVE, WE ARE LOVE..............'
Ooooooooooh I can't wait for the graduation period :) Sounds exciting.
I don't know why the journey to self discovery is so 'painful' at Moments but for some of us it is. I don't know why I was born one way when I was intended (in a way of intention) to be the other but I was. I don't know why my parents chose their path to be as harsh as they have been... just over two months ago my mom (this is the very last Moment I ever spoke to her and I don't believe I will again) said to me, "If I knew you would have become such a freak and a problem child than I would have chosen to have had an abortion than have you."
Now, I have no idea where or why she is that angry with me but I do know she's angry with herself to even allow such feelings fill her. I do know that she started to see me as a Problem Child when I was 6 and never looked at me any differently, so this anger stems from a long time of resentment and pain that she brought on herself and she tramsmuted that negative energy onto me and my sister, and in a way the entire family (extended family included). Me coming out and telling them that I Am a girl was icing on the cake to them.
So where come people take certain events and instead of seeing the possibilities of getting closer and really getting to know somebody...my mom could have chosen the path of love and we could have become a lot, lot closer as mom and daughter, she instead chose the path of a harsh taskmaster (in a way of putting it) and tried to get me to conform to her ideals... I knew that just separating myself from them and living my path of self chosen love was the best decision I could make. :) I know that by loving myself I love the world, by loving the world I love myself. Especially by loving my parents I know that I love myself because holding onto negative energy of any kind for any reason is just toxic.
In a round about way my parents were the greatest teachers on what Love is by not showing me Love at all. They showed me what a pure negative outlook is like, or how I interpret it, and how that negative energy can hamper and even destroy a person if they let it really take over, so I Thank them with all my Being that through them I have learned what Love really is. Maybe that was their purpose.
I just love your candid and truthful way of speaking about yourself and what you've been through.
Thanks for this.
What a beautiful from the heart story warts and all. I bid you a happy welcome
you'll find many a kindred spirit here. You've arrived at the right place in the right
time for you. Just stay centered in your heart of hearts in these times of transition.
Lots of Light, Peace and Harmony Kingjeff.
Blessings and Welcome to the Light ! Bruce
I feel loved here, its quite amazing. I really don't know why I wrote what I wrote I just felt like...well, like I should if that makes any sense. :)
In the Darkest of Moments there is still Light to Hold onto and Fill our hearts.
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