Spiritual Forum

The last months I have been at something of a crossroads in my life. Not many of you know me well enough to know the details of my situation but suffice it to say I am in transition in almost every respect. I am pretty much faced with a very gentle sink or swim, in which I can find a way to move forward, or stay stagnant and risk some pretty unsavory possible futures. I am having a problem though with moving past some issues that are very deeply rooted in my unconscious mind, and I'm wondering if maybe anyone has any advice on this.

Some very disturbing dreams recently have added to the feeling that  something has happened in my life that badly traumatized me but I can not remember what it is. A girlfriend who had been sexually abused said I had all the classic symptoms of PTSD through abuse but there has been none in my ordinary life and that is fairly clear, besides one very minor incident of which I am completely aware. One dream tonight (prompting me to call for help here now) woke me in a pool of sweat and almost a heart-attack like frenzy and aching in my chest, although if I were to describe the dream it would seem fairly unspectacular except for the part where I lost more than ten hours and found myself suddenly in another place. You know how it is with dreams where you will not remember portions of them, this was not like that, I remember clearly being in one place at night and then suddenly it was afternoon and I was somewhere else way across town, and had a great feeling of panic and disorientation around this. In the dream there was talk about that my friends and I had done something to raise consciousness that we were concerned "the mind controllers" (term used in the dream) would notice, and the feeling was when I shifted places that these mind controllers were responsible for the missing time. I have had other dreams about being drugged or hypnotized somehow, put into a state that could be compared perhaps to what would happen if one drank a whole bottle of liquor on an empty stomach along with a megadose of LSD, totally disassociated, unable to form thoughts into words or even hardly move. In one of them I had a very clear understanding that if whoever put me into that state did not come back and take me out of it, I would remain that way forever. I was frightened that they would come back because I knew what they were going to do was terrible, but equally frightened they would not return and bring me out of whatever they had put me under.

The long and short of it is that I have felt for most of my life that someone has been doing something to me and blocking it out of my memory. Certain things strongly suggest the classic abduction scenario, when I started to feel like that might be the case a few years ago I looked into it and of course realized it is a very complex issue, hard to tell who is actually responsible for these things or what the real nature of that is. Could be human military types, could be greys or humans dressed as greys, working with greys, could be experiences from other lifetimes being remembered in order to be processed, etc. I tend to lean more toward something in this life because of certain signs like missing time. Whatever the case may be, I feel like, as I said in the beginning of the post, that there is something very deeply rooted in my unconscious mind that is affecting the way I live my life, filling me with fear, inexplicible feelings of self hatred, causing me to want to "fall asleep" and get into unconscious states so I don't have to deal with whatever this is. One of the dreams I felt as if I was on the verge of remembering but had to pull out of it and wake up because part of me knew my psyche could not handle knowing about it right now, that it was so awful it might literally make me crazy to know. But I am at this crossroads here and I absolutely need to start moving forward and not being aware of whatever has been happening is now holding me back to a point that is unacceptable. Parts of the dream tonight were very clear about that: I can't afford to keep repeating whatever patterns are being catalyzed by this whatever it is, and these dreams are getting to be a constant every night problem, keeping me from getting proper rest and so moving forward. I can't stand having fear rule my life, particularly when I don't even know what it is I'm afraid of since really death is the primary fear as I understand things, and I see that only as a transition and almost look forward to it.

So I know this is all a little scrambled so please ask for clarification or details if you want them, but what I'm really asking is if anyone knows of good ways to recover memories either from other lives or buried by hypnotic suggestion. I have done some memory recovery through meditation, gone over a lot of my childhood and other lives that way looking for the cause, found some interesting things that explain and helped me work with most of my ordinary and "soul psychology", but I've reached the limit of what I can do with this particular issue that way. I tried hypnosis and it was actually not even as effective as my meditations, it seems like perhaps I can not be hypnotized by normal methods because it's never really worked. perhaps the practitioner was not very skilled but my feeling is the state I have been put under is so powerful I would have to be returned to that level in order to remember. And please folks, before you start suggesting that this is all in my head, or it's my focus of attention causing this, or that I've watched too many movies, I would reiterate that this is a lifelong issue. The parents in their wizdom did not show us kids gory alien abduction or predator movies (nor have I watched them as an adult), or exposed us to any information about that which would explain how it could be seeded in my consciousness in such a way. I have been working with this for several years now and have explored these avenues of explaination, at this point I am simply at a dead end and could really use some help.

Thanks, Blessings, and Love!1~

P.S. If anyone finds this post disturbing here is something a bit more positive to balance it out <3

http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/from-intergalactic-assistance