I'm putting this out to you all as my 13 year old daughter is having the toughest time in school. She's a pretty, clever girl with the world at her feet. Her only issue is her lack of self belief and the lack of being able to love herself for who she is. She gets so much attention and seems to take on board the negative comments from mean children that pick on your weaknesses or are just simply jealous. The only issue is they are winning at the moment and Caitlin's confidence is really slipping in front of my eyes and no matter what I do or say she can't seem to stop believing them. Anyone have any ideas at how I can help her break this belief that she's 'disgusting and not good enough?' It's so hard as a parent seeing this happen when she has always been so upbeat and positive. Any advice or tips from successful stories on how to help this would be greatly appreciated :'(
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Well you know, I don't know if there's much you can do for her. If you try to tell her to ignore them, or it's their problem, or they're just mean spirited...and reaffirm all the positive things about her...but she still listens to them...well ultimately it's her that has to eventually learn where to put her energy. I know for kids it's hard, you want to be accepted and it can get to you when other kids make fun of you. But..eventually you learn to not let it effect you. And I know as a parent you want to shield your kids from this kind of stuff, but sometimes, it's better to just let it play out. Obviously you counsel her, and tell her..well what do you honestly think....do you really think you're disgusting and not good enough? The answer will obviously be no...so she'll just have to learn to trust in that. Eventually she'll learn how to stay in her integrity and her truth...and all this will help her do that.
As a parent John I would shield them and try to but yes she now needs to learn where to put her energy. I have stood by her side and will continue to walk by her through any of lifes challenges but she does need to not let the comments get her down as she has plenty of positive comments too. I remember this stage shes at and I got through it ok I just hope she finds her way too as she's multi talented and as her mum I just want to see her smiling and high on life <3
:) And I'm sure she'll pull through it ok, with the help of a loving and supporting family unit. It's really the family who make or break a child...some mean spirited people at school shouldn't be too much of a problem in the long run.
Believe in her, love her and let her know it. The rest is up to your daughter.
Your right the rest is up to her I believe in her so much and she knows how much I love her Thank you for your input.
I'm in touch with the teachers and she is picking up just now and again she has a slip. She does dance too and that picks her up loads, to be fair she's real sporty. I compliment her and my others with positive comments daily and also shower them with loads of love they are cuddly girls and still even my 17 year old loves cuddles with mum it's great. She knows all about my self worth issues at her age and the hassle my sister went through which was loads of hassle, we talk all the time. I liked what was suggested earlier in the post too about her writing down what she does like within herself and we are trying this out as she needs to recognise her great qualities for herself as well as me telling her. Thanks Devananda :)
Being 13 years old on this planet is difficult for most young souls. And so it was for me, too.
I felt not accepted by my school mates either.
I recommend you the following: Inform yourself about different schools that are based on a completely different approach.
There are some schools that allow the pupils to decide to a great degree on themselves what they want to learn in each moment.
Read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori_school
I was at least lucky enough to be in such a school for one day. I loved it!
Thanks Cortex it is hard when we don't feel accepted and I've mentioned moving her if she ever feels she wants to, so will look into this as it sounds like a dream compared to main stream education, high school is a tough time or can be for some. I appreciate yours and everyone's input which is why I put it out there as fresh ideas was what I needed <3
yo lousise, its always the same in Wales, i had issues like this too, complain to the school and tell the headmaster. Make it very serious, because it is serious.
Tell her good and positive things and do not be angry with her, ask her if she would like some friends over too, as she must have friends.
Do something fun with her and her mates, if you know some of the parents have a word with them, she must be amazing because the other kids just dis her!
She will be ok, you stay stronger ok?
x
Hey Lewis, when the proper bullying took place I had the head on my side the police school bullying officer also on it and it stopped pretty quick. It did though impact her confidence which is the part we're dealing with now. The only rubbish now is boys her age who from experience if they like you they tease you and she is so mature love her she can't understand this. My eldest couldn't either until she got older and these types of boys had matured enough to ask her out. She's getting there and i've always been the mum that's had a house full of kids for sleep overs etc. Even Annabelle my eldest her friends come to me to for life chats lol. Positive is the only way I ever approach my kids you have to there's enough BS out there for them to deal with their home needs to be a sanctuary for them to have some sort of peace from life's challenges. I saw the main parents before and was that mad I was ready to accumulate karma to get them to make their daughter behave but Caitlin wanted to go down the proper avenues which was why we got the head and police involved. She is amazing too :D Thanks Lewis I'm strong most of the time it's just the odd day when I know it is effecting her it hits me too but then I'm mum it's bound to. X
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