We manifest our reality but its not working for me, I try and try to manifest happiness and good fortune but its just not working. I meditate and focus on creating this positivity and nothing, absolutely nothing is happening. Theres this heaviness of pain that hovers over me like a large black cloud. I have so much pain in my life and so much anger about the pain thats hard to let go of.
I feel like I just cant take this stress anymore. Im sick of the cancer and pretending its not there, I hate that Im still struggling with finding a job, I feel sad about my ex husband abandoning me and my daughter. I try to be happy and things just keep feeling like crap. Sometimes I feel like I would be happy if I didnt exist, it just feels better not even being here on this earth. Theres just so much negativity and confusion.
I used to read blogs by Greg Giles and I was motivated and inspired by the positivity till the "dark ones" took him and now hes just a sad lonely man that hates everyone and probably hates me because I used to argue with him. The world just feels so cold and empty now, everyone is changing and its not good. Its hard to tell whats real anymore when the people you trusted take your reality and crush it like a broken mirror.
Theres so much sadness and I feel it coming from everywhere, in the air and from the earth. It makes me feel completely still and sick to my stomach. I wish that I could just make this all go away and that all the problems in my life and everyones lives ended. I just wish the earth was safe and free of all the wars and negativity. I dont understand why it has to be like this :(
Sometimes I dream about being rescued by a spacecraft and taken far away from here because this earth is not safe anymore. I just want to be safe and to know that everything really is going to be ok. I want to feel love and happiness but it all feels like a fairy tale. I wish so badly that I could change this reality and make it positive.
Sometimes I just listen to music and feel all of my emotions create an energy that runs up my spine and down my arms that helps me feel weightless. When Im in this place in my mind I feel completely alone and safe. I really dont know what else to do but write a blog about what Im feeling and hope someone understands me.
:( Im just so sad, so terribly sad. I wish I didnt feel so sad all the time.
Replies
Dear Sarah,
Yes, I felt the sadness too and quite strong, but there is always the certainty that I will get out of this with or without the book of Eckhart Tolle, The power of now. You can get a free download online. It helped me very much.
Love, light and love.
Sufferings- Is repaying your debts.
ACCEPTANCE WITHOUT RESISTANCE-is the only solution.
As regards others changing- INTROSPECT is the only advice which I can give.
PRAYING is the only source of INSPIRATION.
may lord show you the right path.
Sarah, check this video out
Cure All illnesses in 3 minutes
Hi Sarah, your so thoughtful for offering me if I need a place to stay, and even when your having bad times, your a Goddess, a princess in your nature, and a strong big heart. Thank you for the offer, but so far Im holding up a roof and my sis is helping me a little, and Im applying all over the place, I know something will pop up,
I have to keep a positive mine even though it's hard. And Im way up north in Maryland, I use to live in Tampa FL, so when Im down visiting my fam, I come by and say Hi. And my son is way over France, hes mixed Dominican and French, long story on why he's over there with his mom. I really don't think she's going to waste time trying to go after me, Im too far and it's to expensive for her to get a lawyer to work over seas. Plus its a different country, laws are different, so for now Im ok.
But have you seen my blog on Higher self and the spiritual energy? I hope you did Sarah, cause it will open a whole new world and life for you right now, and to get the help you need from your higher self. Any stressful problems or questions, let me know, I wont get bored or tired, that's my job, I always have strong feelings for helping people who need support and guidance. I think its my spiritual mission and nature, I know im a Star Seed.
And try to keep happy thoughts every few hrs and days .
Love and Light to both of you
Dear Sarah
I think we all have and are experiencing what you are going thru, and some of us are still going thru what I call the negative belt, If it helps I will give you a short story on my life, My husband is quadriplegic,10 yrs ago.. I am his primary care, no outside help, had a mastectomy 4 years ago and am still recovering. no help for me there either, altho it is getting better, I have walked in the dark just like you are now, but I refuse to let it strangle me, I have beautiful kids who are grown with kids of their own, I live for the grand kids and my kids.. I still have dark days, some are better than others, but I know that anguish very well, I can't tell you what way to go or how to handle it, you look like you have a young child, put all your love and strength into her/him, you are here to teach that child to be loving and a caring human being and I know you are that person, the world and its garbage get to me too, but refuse to listen to the news, or anything that has to do with negatives, I listen to relaxing music as often as I can. have good friends who cheer me up, and am slowly coming out of the dark, you will too, Just hang in there it will get better you will see. it seems like you take a few steps forward and something else comes along and knocks you off your feet, just keep getting up and become the warrior I know you are and fight that darkness away, your child needs your strength.. and you do have that strength inside yourself, there is a lot of good in the world too, focus on that. you will make it ..I know you will!!!!!! big hugs to you, you are a wonderful beautiful being on this earth, with lots of love to give someone who will love you right back, Just know you are never alone even when you feel you are in the darkest hour
Love Light and Laughter (are the key to find your way back)
Copawe
Hi Sarah, excuse my spelling, im not good in spelling at all.
I feel you, Im in somewhat the same situation my self, no job and I have to send money to my son, and have to pay rent soon. Im depress and stress out, I cant sleep till 4 or 5 am everyday. And some sleeping pills work good and some don't. Im going thru bad painful times too. But just hold on, your going to heal, and things are going to be much better. At least for now you have a roof over you and your daughters head, and food. Don't worry too much about your ex husband abandoning you and your daughter, those are negative energy you keep bringing back all the time, it would hurt you more cause your thinking about it.
What happened there was probably meant to happen in your time line, for you and your daughter to move on and find a better happy life, both of you are shedding away negativity. Its natural for both of you to cleanse and move on as higher spiritual people. That's what's happening to all of us. Get rid of negativity that your ex brought on to your life, let it come and it will go, don't cry on it.
I know it's hard, and it's easy for me to say this, then me experiencing what your going thru, cause im not you and im not there. I know, but what your manifesting is pain, depression, your cancer, and I understand that too. When you think to much on the same thing, its coming back and back to you every minute every night, cause that's all the thoughts going thru your head. And I understand Sarah, Im not you, it's not easy.
Those feeling in the body, is just energy cleansing away making room for new energies, its normal and were all are having it, it works with karma as well. I don't want you hurting anymore then you are. But sometimes you just have to let the energies out, the universe is cleansing your aura field, negative energy, body cells and the conscious mine. What your feeling is temporary, you are going to be much much happier and better, I know you will.
You can slow the cancer down by thinking you don't have it, keep thinking you don't have it, it's an illusion, Im better im better it's not really as bad as I keep thinking, its just a small little sickness like a cold, and that's going away and away everyday. My life will be better by the day, me and my daughter are going to have a better life, all this is just temporary, with bad energy surrounding us. And I know its hard not to think about it.
That's what your feeling, its the cleansing of your conscious and the planet your living on, to make the new happy energies to come in. Once this planet shift and the both of you, that's it, the negative depress and suffering life you had, would be no more for the life of you and your daughter for eternity of life's.
Well what Im trying to say, hold on don't give up or stop, we are suffering too. I can see that you already meditated and try to manifiest, so your familiar with spiritual energy. Im not sure if your familiar with your higher self, maybe you are, but im gonna say it anyway. Well, here's my blog, maybe it well help you out on some info. Just at least look at them, I wrote them just for problems like yours and for millions of people.
Let me introduce you to your self
http://extraterrestrials.ning.com/profiles/blogs/let-me-introduce-y...
Having full consciousness, Having spiritual energy, what does this all mean
http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/having-full-conscio...
so how did comments from someone NOT on your facebook show up on your facebook, if you block someone on facebook you will never see any of their comments.
so if you had never known what was said about you would you have cared? nope. you invit ethe drama, you could have said i dont care what she says when your sister mentioned it.
how much attention you pay to a thing is how much it will affect you. you can tell your sister to not tell you those things.
Hi Sarah,
I completely understand exactly what you're feeling - I'm more or less in the same boat (different circumstances, same result). I feel sad, helpless, etc. and knowing that I create it all and can change it by making different choices doesn't seem to make it any easier. Actually, I feel like I don't have any other choices to make. Yes, and the state of the world makes it even worse.
Let's be friends here and see if we can help each other somehow, even if it's just through sharing our thoughts and feelings. Maybe if we "walk" together a bit, one or both of us will find another way to be, or find another who could help us. Think on it and let me know. I'm not often on here, but I'll try to keep up.
With many Blessings, may they multiply through our Eternal and Infinite Love,
Blessings, Love and Peace to you,
Avalon
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