I feel a need to look back and share my thoughts right at the end of the year.
Now that I´m still deeply involved with working on different books, translation work and studying ancient apokrypha and pseudepigrapha, I went through a manyfold experience – first, I saw the last 6 month fading away as if they were days, and second, my self-chosen imprisonment in my library prevented me from getting sucked out by media and rubbish going on each day. I have a feeling like being in a time capsule, something of such kind. And I want to tell you in a short manner of my impressions and feelings I recently share.
I don`t know where this comes from (surely not from any attribute I could call my own), but I feel a constant and strong presence of God or the Divine which I am given to experience. On the other hand I have not seen any shift off 3d to 4d or beyond, it seems to me as if I can see the beauty of 3d more clearly than ever before. 3 is a human number, and being human in all regards is both, limitation and beauty, fragility and vessel of divine treasures. God must have a smile on his face when he puts himself in human categories including blood, swest and tears. Duality or polarity is the underground creating waves of uttmost beauty and deepest despair, and in both love finds reason to thrive and glow and feel her own anger. It is the fate of humans to grow in such love, to fight with her and to get overthrown, only to make the experience that difficult love is only another mask of easy love, and all is one and in difference together. Nicolaus of Cusa, a medieval thinker, called such divine epiphany once coincidentia oppositorum, coincidence of the opposite. The key is human`s lack of perception of singular appearances – we only experience the opposite by opposition while failing to bring it together.
Actually there is no need for us humans to bring anyrhing together, for it is the fate of any ontological emergence to be part of the One-and-All – it is always together even without any human perception. And it comes to humans not by perception, but rather by – we have hardly words to describe – intuition or inner knowing. It is a love emanation, love in her many forms and expressions. You simply love the unseen, the hidden beauty, the Sun in the night, et lux in tenebris lucet, and light shines in the darkness. You simply know without being able to give evidences. This way duality is only a frontier to exceed, and exceeding is a process of loving. Thus love is frontier and exceeding. The sign of all Oneness and Allness is love exceeding whatever… Nonetheless, such love remains small and tiny, for love is humble and silent…
The dilemma of human participation in this wave process Ψ is his essential envolvement in time T making life L a time derivation, mathematically L= ∂Ψ/∂T. Thus humans are exposed to time by letting life run as process. Time is a processual connotation preventing clear views into the One-and-All. Without such prevention life would hardly thrive – it would not go through separation, conflict and sadness, but choose to be a cowardly couch potatoe. It would finally wither…
So we have all come a long way and made it through 12/21/12. Many have told nonsense and ridiculous words. Others have proclaimed more technical stuff believing to smooth a bit the wave process. And others were diligent in proclaiming special rituals – they forgot the violence behind such procedure, for violent are all those who believe to force a process they see ready to flow. Yet, it is different – the process knows itself when time has come to flow. The history of religion is full of violent non-acceptance, and this is maybe another great human mystery. Non-acceptance has often pushed humans to exceed and transcend limits. This is another case of having both together: curse and blessing, ligt and darkness, freedom and restriction.
Anyway, we made it through the year. And we hold on loving and accepting that we are part of the differential equation L. And nothing can prevent us even from failing and going blind. Yes, nothing can prevent us from freedom, for this is freedom: you can also fall.
In old scriptures from ancient times it is said, that angels were envious on humans. Do they have something angels have not? I can`t fly. I can`t simply transcent time. I can`t simply rape a young girl like Gabriel is said he did. Angels must be somehow limited creatures, different than humans, but limited. Am I supposed to become an angel? To leave my wave character? To refuse to grow old with those I love? And am i supposed to become a highly trained spiritual technician in order to fix whatever ascension? Fuck no!
I`m supposed to be a human with a little heart and a little love. Not big, but in it is the whole universe. And I`m proud of it. With it and a sand grain small knowledge I´ll go into a new year. Let me finally say this: God is not in me, but I am always in Him, and I can nothing do to change that…
With love and kind wishes from Germany!
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