In 1996, Robert Bly wrote his deep book The Sibling Society, in which he described difficulties of kids to become mature and adult by leaving behind childhood.
Bly`s book should be a must to every thinking human, for it is pointing to a big problem western society is suffering from - most younger folks does not want to become mature abd adult.
Not only do very often live 30 years old ones still in their parents home. Not wanting to get adult is very often considered cool and modern, while adult ones are considered having backward mentality thus not fitting contemporary times.
Even in spiritual circles getting adult is often considered not important. Here the Jesus word of "becoming like childs" is often quoted.
Getting adult and mature is not the worst at all. It has nothing to do with "being almost dead". Of course there are wrinkles and hair loss and hairs in ears, nose and toes, which is pretty funny. (There is an old joke in Germany: Said one guy to another one: Got hairs in your nose? Yes, he said. Said the guy: Then let`s bind together with the hairs at my toes!)
Adulthood is a thing of getting responsible for what you are thinking and doing. You have more or less confidence in having an own life. You leave the tribal protection of your family in order to make your own way. You fall and learn to get up again. You got wings and learn to fly.
Taking responsibility is exciting. Your powers grow, your skills, your insight. On the other hand you eyperience limits, boundaries and different games humans play. You encounter different humans and happenings showing you bright and dark sides.
You can eat, do and fuck whomever you want to, but you will not. You ask yourself about sense and nonsense. Over the years you still looking for nice butts and pretty girls in their best age, but you find the gentle power to let go. You must not always have something. You start to think of having as few as possible.
When you was young you wanted to save the world. You had many great dreams. You wanted always to be different than your parents and the "old ramshakle men" and women.
But now you discover you are not much different than them. You have similar looks and preferences, you are not different but very similar. Now time has come you understand your parents fully. Maybe they are still alive and you can better talk with them. Or they have gone and you keep care of their grave. You speak to them. You are a man and a woman. And you breath the air that generations before you breathed. You discover that you are a link in a chain.
Maybe you have own kids. You wonder how silly they are once in a while. Kids, you grumble, and maybe you remember and smile. Maybe...
This is the way we humans experience having, being and letting go. This is the way we understand. This is the way we love. We undergo processes of growing. Over this we grow older and are firm with any obstacles. We are often close to tears but also to smiles. We had been young. But it has gone and it is not bad at all.
Getting mature is a long and often difficult way. It is God`s way of getting ready to die, which is leaving the vehicle. No big deal. And as long as we live we remember much and forget much more. By this we love and understand.
Listen to that song:
Replies
I find your comment that people who do not move out before a certain "age" are "childish" disturbing.
Consumerism is responsible for the desire to leave home before being financially independant enough to have your own home. Society places this disturbing dogma upon people to move out and live on their own, yet most youths who do leave home early are foten begging their parent for cash or unable to live very well because they are still youths enjoying the youthful fun times they have. Moving out of your parents is something you should do when you are ready to do it and no because you or society thinks you should do it. By not moving out until you can actually afford to securely live on your own you are more adult than the youth who moves out because of the oppressive rules of parents or whatever other nonsense kids use to justify doing the incredibly stupid thing of breaking out on their own before they are ready.
Maturity comes from NOT making irresponsible decisions, like submitting yourself to eating Mr. Noodles because you spent all your money drinking on the weekend like most youths do. The only people to blame for the youth of today not wanting to grow up are their parental generations for crying that their upbrining was unfair and allowed their own children none of the lessons in responsibility that previous generations were taught, the previous generations however taught with opression and violence rather than love and understanding. We can teach our youth the tough lessons without being tough on them.
In Germany "Hotel Mom" is a very common thing - very comfortable, very easy, very "normal".
"Breaking out before they are ready" is a relative term, and the age has defenitely shifted within 20 years. Some are not ready with 45.
It is not simply done by complaining about it - it is a fact, and I agree with you in looking to the parents which agree in most cases to have the adult children at home. But there is btw a difference bertween East and West in Germany, there is definitely more money in the West which allows living a "Hotel life" style.