I was up the town earlier today to do my bits and pieces of business. I was feeling really down from a white substance I had partaken of at the weekend.
Then I noticed that a gang of criminals I used to know and have nothing to do with any more were following me around and even going into the shops I had things to do in. This was very obvious that they were trying to intimidate me.
On the way up town they were beeping their car and shouting out the window at me so they could have got me then if they really wanted to! These cowards always go around in groups and are chickens by themselves.
They know I was on to them while they were hanging around and on their phones as I walked out of shops. They wanted me to see them or else they are the worst surveillance guys ever.
The cops were around also and probably were wondering what was going on. I did nothing to these guys and owe them nothing. One of them owes me money. I had to get a taxi home as I do not like people to know where I live.
The whole point of this is that these guys do not like people like me getting away from the life that they are stuck in so they try and intimidate to make your life a misery. This technique will not work on me.
I have other contacts in the town and have broken all networks and connections with them also. I think they all know each other and scheme together. I am starting a minor college course to keep me busy over the winter.
When I got home I flushed 3 grams of the white powder down the toilet as well as a few grams of magic mushrooms. I spread the dried mushrooms out around the garden in the hope it will promote growing in the future.
I have to say all of this sent my anxiety through the roof and my heart was beating out of my chest. I will be making a clean start and will have nothing to do with that kind of business ever again. I hope this is OK I just felt the need to clear it and will do a meditation in a few minutes.
I am feeling much better now that I took the actions that I did. If they ever try and pull any of the stunts they did today on me again I will ring the cops straight away!
It is like living in an open prison in Ireland now.
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...Good One J....Stick With It Man....I Saw One Of My Old....Drug Friends.....Few Months Ago.....Not Seen Him For Years.....God Hes In A Right State......He Has Hep C From Sharing Needles.....All His Veins Have Collapsed.....So Hes Now Hitting Up In His Femoral Artery.........Scary Man......He Such A Nice Guy......Wish He Would Quit....He Was Trying To Get Me To Do Some Methadone.......Which I Declined......Thats Never Gonna Happen.....I Wasted Teen Years On That Shit....What Happened..?...You Only Used To Smoke Weed....What Course You Doing.?...I Need To Get My Head Into Something......Take Care J....x...
I took every drug known to man for years but never injecting. I did tell you that but some women never listen, lol. It is not a problem because there was nothing addictive. The problem was the people I knew who did not want me to get on with my life. Methadone is a shit drug...I never did it. It is only supposed to be used by heroin addicts to come off but then they are stuck on worse sh*te. I know someone who drank someone else's methadone and died.
That pr*ck who offered you methadone is not a friend in any way. He was just trying to drag you into his circle and then the next thing you know you would be doing all the same sh*t as him and maybe start a co-dependent relationship. I have seen it happen many times and it can never be any good...no matter how desperate you may think your situation may be that would be much worse.
These guys can seem very nice so they can get into a position to manipulate you. They would sell you to an arab and rob the eye out of your head to get a fix. Do not feel sorry for them. If you do you will enable them. They have to learn it is time to stop and some will never stop and will die. We all have choices and were warned never to go near heroin or meth. Just look at the state of them!
I am perfectly healthy. I had a full medical just about a year ago and got the full works. My body is as good as anyone my age with no damage. I have always done an exercise routine most days and walk everywhere which must have helped. I am feeling great today and the Sun is shining so I am going for a walk.
...I Did Listen...Maybe I Just Assumed....Didnt Realise You Were Dabbling With Other Stuff...This Years Almost Over....Few Months....Been Shit For Me.....Christmas Almost Here Again....Hmm Last Year.....Got Forced Into That Job Scheme Thing.....What A Fucking Nightmare That Was.....Fuck I Need To Find Some Direction.......Just Not Sure Where Im Going....................
I need direction in a big way...but my direction and not somebody else's. I am down for a course to do with internet sales, call centre director, sales rep at back of shop, work experience. I just went into the college last week and met some of the people in charge. The dole people were on my back to do something and last winter was such a bore. So I applied on line and have not heard anything since. It will cost me some money and there is a good bit of work involved but I do not even know if I am interested. I probably will get the course because I have a high level of education. I did the arts degree for archaeology and it has no connection with this course I signed up for. The woman in charge of the interview kind of said there is no sign this course would suit me. But I told her I have done many computer courses over the years. I presume this course would be starting very soon and will find out soon enough.
I will not be doing any drugs at all for the foreseeable future. I guess I needed a break from reality and that way of doing it just does not work for me any more. The days are long and I needed to escape. I doubt I will be doing any of it any more. When I was off everything for a long time I could not stay awake during the day because I was so bored and was getting up at 12 or 1 in the evening. So I decided to start having a smoke every night. It just does not do it for me any more and all the chemical stuff is crap and god only knows what is in it. I would say most of it is bath salts off the internet. It makes you feel sick for days and the buzz is so crap. So I will not be doing any of that any more. Lesson learned and I also got to break the cycle my life was going through.
Now I am out the other side I feel so much better. It seems there has to be a lot of pain before there can be any kind of joy. Just to be happy to be who you are and content in your own skin. We do not need to have certain circumstances in our life to feel joy, we can choose to feel that way any time we want. Christmas means nothing to me. We are in the same boat, I do need direction. I can see myself moving soon, it is just getting stale and that will give me something to do!
Proud of you keep up the good work.. I know not easy but worth it.... Much love
I am much better at standing up for myself when not using the harder stuff. The mushrooms can make it harder to communicate with people on their level...it is them that is the problem. But, if you are having troubles like this the last thing you need is a mushroom head. If it is there I will take it.
So my head is all clear and much more capable of handling this situation. As I say I used to be in the military so I am a trained killer after all...I can turn that switch on at any time when my head is clear. I have been in many trouble spots around the world. Controlled anger we used to call it. Maybe, they did me a favour and kick started me into moving on!