I really don't quite know how to begin. so I've decided that I'm just going to type, and hopefully I'll be happy with what comes out.
I am going through what I can only describe as a period of great spiritual confusion. And I have been this way for awhile now. And I guess I'm just looking for someone to read what I'm about to write, give me some input, and maybe give me some advice/guidance/opinions.
I started my life off as a 'christian' (I've never been what I would consider a true christian simply because I have always had my own belief structure.)
About five years ago, I got together with a girl. She was a practicing 'pagan'. She claimed to have earned the 'rank' of High Priestess. Whether this is true or not, I do not know. And personally, no longer care. For about two years, I was a practicing pagan. (Not Wicca, but using the same ceremonial structure). Some of what I learned was from her, and some of it was from books.
Long story short, she ended up cheating on me, eventually making a very HUGE change in her personality. To the point she has abandoned her three children (one of which is mine.) After things went sore, I pretty much stopped practicing. And honestly, I was too busy picking up my life to really think about that sort of stuff very often.
However, my life is very good right now. I've been with my wife for three years now, married to her for more than a year. We have a family of three children. (she has one from a previous relationship, as do I from my previous relationship, and we have one together as well).
Over the course of the last year or so, I have found myself back on what I consider my personal path of enlightment. I have tried to believe in Christianity again, but there are a few HUGE gaps that I have been unable to accept, and it personally just does not resonate with me.
And I've consider attempted to practice "Magick" again, this time under a different style, such as the Golden Dawn style of Ceremonial magic, or Folk Magic, such as Wiccan, or a white magic style.
However... I don't think I will. I know it can work, if the intent & the will is there. However, I don't think it's personally right for me.
Over the past half year or so, I've pretty much just been absorbing knowledge for the sake of absorbing it, without really making a personal judgment or judgment in regards to the validity of it.
I've been very 'flip flopish' lately tho. And I just can't figure out exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing.
Ok, I'm done writing for now. If you've read this far, thank you. And I guess all I'm asking for is whatever your willing to give. I could use advice and/or guidance as far as how to proceed next in my spiritual path. I would also love to hear some personal experiences and opinions. And I would even be interested in talking to some new people (something that I have, sadly, not done alot of in awhile).
Anyways, Thanks anyone who took the time to read, and thanks to the creator of this site. I might not believe in a lot of what I read on this page, and I am very skeptical. But I find this site very comforting in a way I haven't quite figured out yet. I think most of all, it's because the majority of the people on this site seem to have good intentions, and that's always been than the alternative.
-Salzy
Replies
Thank you everyone who took the time to answer me. I have found these comments very helpful. I will continue to do what I've been doing, which is searching for the answers. And I will keep everyone's words into account. Maybe my source of confusion isn't simply confusion, but rather impatience, or rooted to the Dogmatic idea that I have to have a label for my beliefs.
To answer the question in regards to what I am seeking in regards to a path/practice:
I am looking for the 'correct' Spiritual and Emotional development for myself. And the only one that is going to be able to answer that question, is myself.
Thanks Guys!.
I can only tell you what my spiritual path has been and then your decisions will be based on what your inner voice tells you.
I could not follow the "religion" of Christianity because I believe it has done so many awful things in the name of - you know who. Things in which we all know are not inspirations from the Prime Creator - or what ever you call the Main Source of All. To me one has to start with the basics - do you believe in One Cosmic Intelligence or only in Earth Intelligence - meaning natural energies and honoring the Earth Mother. Most Pagan beliefs start with Earth and Sky natural energies, I think , as I also have flirted with those ideas and still incorporate some of them into my devotionals.
I finally came to the realization that there are real Truths in all religions however no one religion has a corner on every truth. Now I believe in a rather all round idea of spirit and energy. I have gone for some Buddhists ideas such as vegetarian, as this really appeals to me and some christian ideas such as I finally believe in a man who was "renamed" Jesus the Christ although there are many many names for him since then and when he lived on Earth. I also believe that the current Lord Sananda is his 5th dimensional personality is the person who walked this Earth to teach us to live in brotherhood- as reincarnation has always been my personal Truth.
It is the ideal spiritual path you are on and only you can make the decisions on what to believe by being aware of what your heart says when it hears various belief systems. Only your own heart- mind can let you know what is right for you and what is false. Never underestimate your own heart - it has more intelligence than any brain matter in the Universe. Listen to your inner voice which has always been one of wisdom and love rather than out side voices who do not know what is Truth for you. In the end we all have to make our own choices about what to believe. Mine is a cross of many ideas. Stay open always and once you decide there may be times when you outgrow those ideas and wish to adopt other more advanced ways of looking at things. My belief is that there is no right or wrong way to pursue this quest. It is the quest for a self identity as much as a spiritual one. There is no wrong way to go, just keep your mind open to possibilities. Just remember that no one else has the"right" to tell you one way or another, this is a personal objective you are looking for not a command from others.
Love and Light always.
FROM A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN STUDYING ‘THIS STUFF’ DEEPLY AND SERIOUSLY FOR A LONG TIME
Can you please tell us - what is it that you actually WANT out of your spiritual path/life?
Different ‘paths’/practices offer different things, so it would be good to know that.
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[Please excuse any imperfect phrasing in the following – I didn’t have time to choose exactly the right word for all of it. Some of the phrasing is not as precise as it would be ideally – and I’ve been a bit ‘colloquial’ in parts too!]
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Having said that, here are a few points that spring to mind – from someone who has studied spirituality very seriously for a long time, including doing it full-time:
The Tibetans have a saying: “For a teacher to instruct a student without first examining him, is like hurling oneself against a rock...For a student to take instruction from a teacher without first examining him, is like eating poison.”
So some questions to ask when checking out any set-of-ideas/group:
* check out the leader(s)…would you like to become like them in a few years – or not?
* check out the practitioners…whilst sometimes great teachers can attract some pretty undeveloped students, it’s still worth looking at the students as well
* whenever you read a text, ask yourself:
“what is the intention of this writer?
Are they trying to HELP people/the world?
Are they offering anything I can actually put into PRACTICE or use concretely?”
If you don’t see a pure intention to help others and practical, applicable information, then the book MAY have been written for a ‘lesser’ purpose, such as to make money, ego-gratification etc. (There are some exceptions of course: to some extent knowledge is its own reward). However, after being on a spiritual way for a long time, I can affirm that there is a special power in what might be called ‘The Bodhisattva Intention”. I don’t have time to go into all the details, but I can tell you that this intention – to help all beings by helping bring them to their greatest potential and knowledge (enlightenment) – is very powerful and a good signpost to look out for in people/organisations/belief-sets you are considering.
The latter reflects what Robert ~ bob was saying, which is sort of a key point in itself: whatever you follow, you won’t be too far wrong if that thing is based on love/respect for all beings – pure intention.
The highest paths go beyond just getting what you want without harming others – the highest paths inevitably teach ideas and practices that aim to benefit ALL beings. The reason for this is a profound spiritual truth in itself: that WE ARE ALL CONNECTED – inter-dependent…like a vast ‘blanket’ (as it says in such a cool way in that movie I Heart Huckabees lol). The highest paths know that and are based in that reality.
(One of the most important things Jesus said was about this very point: Corinthians I, 13)
- there are other points, but these spring to mind immediately
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A CONTROVERSIAL REALITY: No, not all paths are equal…truth is NOT just what you believe it to be and ‘whatever feels right for you’
It is a common belief in the new age movement to believe the above.
But as someone who has been engaged in a deep, serious study of these things for a long time,
reading the great texts,
studying with highly respected masters across the traditions,
but most importantly looking very deeply into this using my own direct experience of 'body', 'mind' and 'universe'
I can say with confidence that this is ‘bollocks’, as they say in the UK.
The truth is NOT whatever you want it to be. The right path is NOT just whatever ‘feels right to you’ (even though I do agree somewhat with what a couple of people said about the importance of "listening to your Heart".)
Thankfully, there are realities/truths/structures in yourself that are permanent and which can always be relied upon.
Things such as the immortality and innate purity of your innermost being – ‘consciousness’ or ‘awareness’ or ‘spirit’ – and quite a few other things that I don’t have time to go into right now but am happy to talk about a little if you want to know more.
The ‘spiritual forms’ that point towards some of these truths include some parts of Buddhism, Hinduism (in particular Advaita Vedanta), Sufism and Christian Mysticism. It’s also VERY useful to look into near death experiences, on sites such near-death.com.
But the overall point I want to make here is a profoundly important thing to know on any spiritual path: a real truth is a truth, whether it suits our desires or not. That’s a big thing to know.
If you don’t know the reality of something, it’s likely to give you trouble eventually. Conversely, knowing the truth of something is powerfully useful. As Jesus said, “the truth will set you free”.
We only have to look at the incredible things given to us by science (e.g. medicine) and compare what we know today to some of the ridiculous things people used to thoroughly believe, to see how powerful this is. (great example of something people believed for centuries that was completely GARBAGE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humorism)
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Do we NEED to follow anything?
Another very profound thing I learnt on my own path is that in fact, the very deepest ‘structure’ or nature of yourself and the universe is such that you do not have any ultimate NEED to do ANYTHING at all.
Yes, it is true that karma is real and if you act in ways that don’t respect other beings, it will come back to you.
But there is also no ultimate place you have to get to, thing you have to fix, thing you have to know – there is no ‘original sin’ you have to cleanse or ‘ultimate Shangri-La’ we all must aim to get to.
Everything – including all spiritual paths – are just improvements and enhancements. They are NOT ‘compulsory’ in any way.
One of the deepest truths is that, at the deepest/ultimate level, you are fine just as you are.
Anything else you do is just icing on the cake.
(I know it doesn’t feel that way sometimes, but I can prove this to anybody using deep philosophical logic and direct experience – and it’s been said by the greatest teachers since humanity began.)
Jesus was pointing to this in his famous ‘lilies of the field’ ‘speech’:
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
A truly deep spiritual path will lead you eventually to deep confidence that, whilst it’s always necessary to avoid harming others, the nature of yourself and the universe is ultimately already perfect and cannot be improved upon. All self-improvement is ULTIMATELY, a bonus.
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One final, controversial ‘warning’
This is a side-point but since it’s so rife in the new age community and is quite unhelpful, I want to point it out.
You may encounter many people who say things like ‘it will happen if it’s meant to be’ and the like. They may also talk about the earth being a kind of ‘school’ – as though we are here because somehow we aren’t quite ‘good enough’ yet.
This is an extremely common view – but it’s not only proveably wrong, it can be a bit harmful as well.
(What many of the people who believe this don’t seem to know is that) at the root it’s based on the idea that there is somewhere we must all get to. (For this to be the case there also needs to be ‘someone’ – some being, system or set of [spiritual] ‘laws of ‘nature’– who is ‘forcing’ us to go in that direction.)
In other words, some unavoidable destiny or goal that we have no choice but to go towards.
The philosophers call this view ‘fatalism’ and it’s also utterly bollocks lol.
I am happy right here to offer anyone $1000 who can find anything in the universe that is not affected by something else. Which is not caused by other things outside of itself. The Buddha pointed out this fact, called the Law of Interdependent Origination. It states that every single thing in existence is affected by (‘caused’ by) everything else – in a vast web of interdependence. For example a plant is caused/affected by soil, sun, water, the wind, animals and the previous moment of it’s own growth.
The result of all this is that everything in existence (except your fundamental awareness-in-itself) is constantly interacting – and therefore changing – and it will never stop. It CANNOT stop changing. It is also only EVER *partially* controllable and predictable.
This is one reason why (even though heavenly realms do exist – see NDEs) we CAN never arrive at a final perfect state or place.
This is also why there IS NO one set of perfect rules about the way to live a perfect life or arrive at a perfect state/place/method/whatever.
And anyone who believes there IS a FINAL place to get to, or a perfect way of doing things, or a fixed set of rules you must live by, or anything that is “meant to be” (as though we must go in some compulsory direction), is not aligned with reality.
Unfortunately such a belief leads to all kinds of superstitious way of seeing things. For just ONE (overly simple) example of many: people will fail to do what they need to do to achieve things because they feel that ‘it will happen if it’s meant to happen.” Or they will say ridiculous things like “maybe you were meant to be in that abusive relationship to learn something…” (in the great compulsory journey towards ‘perfection’). Well this is bollocks because if you experientially understand the most fundamental nature of your own being and the cosmos, you will see that the ‘design’ is ALREADY perfect…for reasons I won’t go into here.
Anyway, that’s just a few things that sprang to mind as important. What I’d really like to know is: what do you WANT from a path? If you know that, you can get an idea of what ‘flavour’ of genuinely useful spiritual ‘form’/path/set-of-knowleges/practices would be useful to you.
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Oh yes, one more thing: loving-kindness (“metta”) meditation is something I would recommend to ANYONE, because it almost always has absolutely fantastic affects on mind and body. You can’t go wrong with that. It brings results almost immediately and you get out of it proportionally a lot more than you put in. So a lot of ‘bang for your buck’!
Thanks!
It's true what someone said that this site has a 'great atmosphere'.
Actually I think it was Salzy himself who said words to that effect.
And i thought "yes, because most of the people seem to have a pure intention" - and then I suddenly saw he wrote that himself!
Very cool.
Lol a couple of important additions and corrections
[ I ran out of editing time, I wrote so much ! :) ]
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A very important thing I forgot:
You are likely to find it useful if you adopt the following principle:
there is a difference between:
- INTELLECTUAL/CONCEPTUAL knowledge - knowledge that arises as thoughts
and
- direct experiential knowledge: insight you gain through directly experiencing your body, thoughts, and senses (indeed all your existence**) as a WHOLE...knowledge that is EXPERIENCED directly by your awareness, rather than arrived at only by THINKING ABOUT something.
While you can understand many useful things with the first type (eg. most of western philosophy, interdepent origination, karma etc), the second type is is essential for the discovery of other very deep and important 'spiritual realities'.
There is a big difference between the two.
This difference also accounts for the fact that many people who tend to be a bit more 'left-brain'/intellectual/'reductionist' (including some scientists), find it hard to believe in spiritual realities. They are using 'equipment' that can NEVER see those realities lol.
So if you try out this principle, you are more likely to discover some very powerful things about yourself and the cosmos.
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Correction: it should say:
"there are realities/truths/structures in yourself and the universe (ie. existence) that are permanent and which can always be relied upon."
...but i ran out of editing time. :)
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** Because there is more than initially meets the eye!
Hi Salzy. I like your courtesy and your awareness to thank Ben for creating this site.
I think you've been given some very good answers so far.
Your Christian upbringing can be used now to learn who Jesus was (as an ex Christian myself, I view him as an enlightened Master) - but his words still resonate strongly in me. I use them for guidance.
If your girlfriend cheated on you - you must let go. It was her free will choice to sleep with someone else. Most people are simply not monogamous naturally. If she asked you your permission first - would the answer be 'sure, sleep with somene else' - No, not likely. So people sneak. Allow her - to have her experience with the opposite sex if that's what she wanted. It's her journey. I think we incarnate to experience many things in this world. - sex, chocolate, wine, growth etc. No one owns another person, nor can they say who they can and can't sleep with. No one can make a person exclusive to them. We don't have this right over free will choice.
Yes I've tried magic too - but I don't get too involved now. I just follow my intuition when it comes to information. I think we become more empowered within ourselves as we know who we are, and find our own place in the world.
Meditate. You will find loads of guidance on all sorts of things if you sit down and discipline yourself to do this every day.
Butterfly
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