HUMILITY
http://www.positive-deviant.com/humility.html
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"Humility is not necessarily considering ourselves less important or valuable than other people. It is not a lack of self-esteem; nor is it a form of modest behavior, and it is not the result of humiliation.
Humility is the right attitude of the finite to the Infinite, the conditioned to the Unconditioned, the part to the Whole. Humility is our awareness of our dependence on something greater than ourselves, and our interdependence with our fellow human beings and all of life."
--Kabir Helminski, The Knowing Heart: A Sufi Path of Transformation
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Humility and the Tyranny of Specialness
The more I move towards humility in my life the happier I am.
There is a profound grace that comes when I bow to people, nature and events that remind me of my place in the greater scheme of things.
This is not because I am less than, or smaller, but because on my own I am just a part of the majestic whole.
I do not bow to people to place them higher than me, for this is dangerous.
When we place people on a pedestal, there is only one way off the pedestal, and that is to fall. I spent many years of my life allowing myself to be seduce by the glamor of those people who I put on a pedestal. I made them more capable than me, smarter, wiser, more skilled.
And in some areas, they certainly were. However, in their light I made my light less.
When I was in Brazil surrounded by people who in the past I would have elevated to a higher place than me, I was almost 100% operating from the level of equal and different.
In other words, I have finally, after all of these years, reached a place where I know my value and can be completely authentic with who I am and what I offer in the world, and at the same time be with people who have done remarkable things in their life, people I admire and respect immensely, without lessening who I am and what I have done, even if it may not appear to be anywhere near as significant.
How do you reach this place?
Not without considerable inner work. I had to find a place where I accepted my path was perfect. Where the life that I had co-evolved was the unique expression of what I am to express.
The people I have met, the events that have transpired. All of it. At the same time, I saw that so much of what we see in others is an illusion.
They may look like they are "successful", but unless we can see inside their world, it is only an assumption and quite possibly, make believe. It raised the question for me.. what is my definition of success?
It forced me to consider that success for me started with how I felt on the inside.
That if I was following my truth, the song inside, and doing that with the utmost comprehensive integrity, and an attitude of gratitude, only then would I feel success.
I leaned that success on the outside, the material success, while fun, was not nearly as sustaining as inner success.
I also learned that there are no small acts of truth.
The measure is in how we show up to life. If my role in life is to clean toilets, then how I show up to do that is what matters, and not the role.
Some people have roles that have great public importance. Other people have roles to support the space for these people. Who is more important in the wider scheme of things?
Sure, my ego may love to be the fabulously successful author. But if my path and role is to smile every day at the people in the supermarket, bank, on the street, and nothing more, then I will do so with utmost dignity and grace.
And I will do this with an attitude of gratitude. This is an ongoing practice towards my own personal mastery. Its not easy, and it is worthwhile.
Therefore, at peace with myself and who I am in the world I can show up to Brazil and a room full of incredible people, and be who I am, knowing that I am there for some reason that may not be obvious to me now or in the future, and that the best I can give is my truth, all of it.
On reflection however, there was one person that I wanted to impress in Brazil. I was aware that with this person I tried a little harder and was not as relaxed and natural around him.
Why? I think I had attached some importance to the desire to have him not only like me, but be impressed by me. With everyone else, I was not concerned with impressing them, or having them like me.
The paradox of course is that when we try to impress, we do not impress, we repel. In the process I gave him false status. He gets to carry the status I have given him.
When people put me on a pedestal, I am immediately separate from
them..unreachable. I am also now under some invisible burden of expectation from them to live up to this perceived status.
Therefore I cannot relax, and there is tension in the space between my admirer and myself. They become uncomfortable to be around. I created this space of dis-ease between us.
There are people who put themselves on pedestals all the time.
The Diva’s and drama queens, people who believe that their life position demands a separation from others. Executives, politicians, celebrities etc.
The irony is that what they are often longing for is to be liked and accepted by others and their “specialness” simply cannot allow this.
In our society we have created a monster called “special”. That I am special, and by inference, you are not. I know this one well, because for many years this was the position I held myself in.
Sometimes the residue of this leaks out...and I can be arrogant in my specialness.
I much prefer myself when I am equal but different...or when I recogise that all of us have our uniqueness- the wonderful way we see the world, express ourselves in the world, our unique life experiences.
My colleague can be better at doing x than I, however, I know that I am better able to do y. This is the perfection. This perfection allows for synergy and synergy allows for the magic of collaboration and partnering.
An example I use is that a role may require someone who is 6 foot tall. I am 5 foot 1 inches.
The truth is I am not suitable for the role. Not because I am less than, though in this case I am short by 11 inches, but because I do not fit what is needed.
This is not personal, so why take it as so? It just is. We are either the right person or we are not. It is our unique attributes that make us so, not our specialness.
Through this journey I move always closer to humility. When I bow to the perfection in others, I bow to the perfection in me reflected in them. When I bow to the actions of others, I bow to the part of them that uniquely offers themselves.
Humility allows me to be fully human with others. It brings me closer to, where as specialness takes me away from.
Humility allows me to lighten my load. Carrying the load of specialness and maintaining it is exhausting. Daily I have to keep up the facade of appearance of my specialness. Ugh
Humility allows me to live in gratitude. I bow to the beauty and majesty of life.
Humility allows me to live in awe.
Each day when I walk barefoot on the earth, I bring my awareness to my small and significant part in the greater whole. Vital, and no less vital than yours. I bow to you in blessings. Thank you for your part in my life.
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