Spiritual Forum

I found this to be a really wonderful piece, written by Heather Fraser. I've had the same internal tornado raging since early April, so I hope I come out similar to the way she did.

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By Heather Fraser

Resting In Beauty

Today I am tired. Bone tired. The kind of tired that humbles you to your knees and makes you want to surrender to the absolute relief of laying down your body just to feel weightless. The kind of tired that washes over you when you are suddenly rescued and freed after years, perhaps lifetimes, of imprisonment. The prison of the mind. And yet through the haze of this worn out feeling, I can sense I am laying down to rest amongst a beauty words could never describe.

I am a weary traveler today, having journeyed down many roads on my way to this moment, but so far, no moment has felt sweeter than this one.

Somehow I have been freed. Through the years of hardship, struggle, poverty, darkness, isolation and a deep sense of fear, a flower has miraculously bloomed. Love has guided me home. Home to the beauty of being. And what a home it is.

Since mid January I have been experiencing the strangest physical and emotional symptoms ranging from intense heat, weird rashes, bursts of joyful tears, insomnia, no sense of time, moments of rage, loss of memory, and a complete sense of detachment to the way things are...and no...it's not menopause...I had that checked out!

It's felt a bit like an internal tornado has swept through my mind and destroyed everything in there that no longer served me. Now, amongst all the scattered debris, all the fallen false beliefs, and all the destructive thought forms, I feel peace, and what I see is beauty everywhere, even in earthquakes, suffering, and chaos.

This morning I turned on the tap, and water came out. Water! We die if we do not have this elixir to drink, and there it was at my fingertips, and I did nothing to earn it. Such gifts.

I have lunch with a friend, and the most spectacular, beautiful food is placed before me. The colours are so intense, I feel nourished just by the sight of them. My friend's face is so full of light I cannot take my eyes off her. Both she and the food fill me up. I am her. I am the food. What joy in every moment.

I sit with a client and see only myself. She asks me questions. I hear only myself asking those questions, and I am filled with compassion while something makes words move out of my mouth to answer her. I am answering myself, and love is what I feel.

I receive an email today that says "The Infinite and Eternal Awakening has Begun. Make time for beauty every day!" I marvel at the synchronicity in the moment, how everything is happening for me and not to me.

I get in my car, turn the key and it starts up. Astounding! How do these things happen? I push a button and the most beautiful music begins to play as I drive. Incredible. My mind no longer thinks it is separate from anything, and in those moments of pure awareness and presence — joy and beauty is my only experience, even as I lay down to rest amidst the flowers in my mind. I can hardly wait for what life brings next…

If Beauty Were A Sound

As I write this, a brilliant full moon is beaming it's luminous light through my bedroom window.

All seems still in this moment, except for fingers moving across a keyboard, the steady rhythm of a heart beating, blood flowing through veins, breath moving in and out of lungs, and earth hurtling through space.

The sound of silence embraces all that lives within the temple of my Being.

If Beauty were a sound, it would be the sound of silence.

The kind of silence that comes from within.

The kind of silence that I can actually hear as a mystical tone in my ears when I am fully present and pure awareness floods my mind.

I am hearing God.

And she is everywhere.

In this moment, I am seeing her as the dance of moonlight sparkling like a million crystals from the frost on my window.

Is there anywhere that beauty cannot be found?

She is the mirror of my soul.

In everything and everyone, she shows me who I am.

I am eternal awareness.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

A Simple Dance of Love

My daughter and I take the elevator down this morning in the building where we live, and it stops on another floor to let someone in. A young woman gets on with a guitar case slung over one shoulder, a djembe drum in one arm, and a large canvas bag in her other hand loaded with primitive looking musical instruments. My daughter is holding her flute case, and I am holding a CD, The Best of Van Morrison — Vol 2 to play in the car.

The three of us are instantly united simply by the silent knowing that flows from our eyes. We all smile, and I ask her if she's a music teacher. She tells us she's a music therapist and she is on her way to a group home for mentally challenged individuals. She says how much playing with the instruments seems to help them.

The elevator stops, the door opens, we get off and we wish each other a great day.

We all know we have just been blessed.

Love.

The sweetest kind imaginable.

Spontaneous. Pure. Unconditional.

A simple celebration of "seeing" each other.

Our exchange was a dance into the wonder of Love.

There are no accidents.

Joy is the gift of an empty mind.

Seemingly ordinary exchanges become extraordinary communion when we notice what's really taking place.

The three of us were "one song" in that single, precious moment.

Life delivered a holy instant, and we all knew it.

My heart is still dancing.

Trusting Life

The Beauty of Being includes all things. This is the great wonder and awakening of present moment awareness.

I like to deny this sometimes, especially when I am feeling sad, disappointed, or disheartened. This is when I want to argue that the beauty of being is not supposed to feel like this.

The truth is though, Being-ness brings to light — more often than not with intense clarity — all that remains hidden and not yet undone within myself, usually triggered by someone else's actions.

What life has taught me over the years, is that actions will always speak louder than words. Sometimes this is a painful realization, and oftentimes reveals or brings awareness to a situation that I could not see before.

Life will always brings me what I need to know, and it will bring it for me. How I respond to it will always be my choice.

People tell me all the time I am too sensitive to live in this world. That was probably true for most of my life and I'd often leave my body and escape into otherworldy realms when I felt afraid.

Being present though allows for all things to be as they are. It also means I am fully in my body. This, of course, doesn't stop life from trampling my heart at times. Life will do what it will, and I cannot control one, single bit of it. What I can do is accept what is happening, keep my heart open, feel everything, and simply retreat (not escape) for awhile into what I like to call, my healing place within. It is of the earth, and my safe, and holy sanctuary. Here the sacred waters flow, nature thrives, silence echoes, and angelic voices soothe. Here, I allow those parts of me that need to...(mostly it's my heart) to simply rest, recover, and re-align. It's as natural as the waves lapping upon the shore, then moving out again. It's like breathing in and out. It's called trusting life, and being one with it...with all of it.

It's all beautiful.

Love's Infinite Embrace

Another word for "Being" or "Presence" is Love.

When I lose my connection to the Beauty of Being, I lose my connection to Love, and when that happens it feels like I'm lost in the worst nightmare possible.

Fear is the usual cause of this for me, and it's mostly my fear of survival, as in financial worries, or fear of abandonment, as in relationships.

It's taken a few of these nightmarish dis-connects for me to realize that there is nothing...and I mean absolutely nothing worth losing my sense of "Being" over.

Fear is such a constriction of energy, a separator, divider, isolator, and condemner.

When I am in fear I am frozen and numb. I feel depressed and dead inside. Darkness is all I see.

Love, or Being is such an expansion of energy, it's inclusive, uniting, connective, and honouring.

When I am in Love I am open and alive. I feel joy and life force flowing through me. Beauty is all I see.

It's taken me a while, along with the help of a deep and patient beautiful love of another, to understand that when I remain present and simply love, I am not only honouring myself and others, but all of life as well.

To choose to live any other way is insane. I've learned firsthand it also feels insane.

And because of Love's inclusive energy, I've learned that my fears simply dissolve in that kind of grace and pure humility. They truly cannot exist when Love surrounds them and includes them in her infinite embrace.

In the end, my fears have actually become beautiful.

That's Love for you.

Lasting Beauty

One of my favourite lines from Rumi is, "The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart."

Almost twelve years ago when my daughter was born, I was given a card with an old African quote on it that says, "What is important is that my children grow up to be beautiful in the heart." I had it framed, and I read it often.

A few months ago, I was sent this beautiful quote. It was written by Maureen Moss of The World Puja Network. "Beloved heart of mine, the portal to all that is. I enter into you humbly and unguarded this day. I deposit my stories and excuses outside of your gateway. They no longer serve me. Please guide me through every step of my day. Beloved heart of mine, I set you free. I love you.

Together we are free."

And these precious words were written to me by the divine love of another, "Our connection is strong and profound and one that is firmly rooted in beauty and appreciation."

This is the wisdom I use to remind myself of why I live and breathe.

It is so easy for the mind to get caught up in the material world of having and doing.

When I find myself despairing over what I do not have or dreams I have not lived yet, I simply look at my child and feel her heart, which has turned out to be incredibly beautiful. Or I read the priceless words above, which remind me that my silent, inner intention has always been to live in beauty...from the inside out.

It must be so, because beauty keeps finding it's way to me now. From the gorgeous purple hyacinths blooming on my coffee table, to the deer, coyote, hawks, and flocks of geese I can see from my window, to my daughter as she plays the flute or writes her poetry, to a snowflake sparkling in the sunlight, to a smile on the face of a stranger as we pass each other, to the sound of my own heart beating, to the sacred love of another or my dearest friends, to whom time and distance mean nothing. This is lasting beauty.

In the bigger scheme of things, I always ask myself, "What else really matters?"

If I were to write my own quote about beauty, this is what it would say, "The beauty of the heart can only be recognized with a mind that is silent and empty."

The journey to the Beauty of Being has been so worth it.

May I live in this place always, and be humbled in every moment.

A Recipe For Love

In this moment, snow is gently falling.

It's one of those days where it feels so good to simply cocoon myself in gratitude for the choice I have to either venture outside and become one with the snow, or enjoy the beauty of watching it float past my window where I remain warm and cozy.

Perhaps I'll do both...because I can...because I have the time...because my body is able to move easily, free of pain...because my eyes have sight to witness the beauty around me...because my legs are able to carry me wherever I choose to go...because my heart beats to the rhythm of the cosmos...because my lungs can expand and contract and fill with the manna of life, because my Being is aware that it has the freedom to choose.

Wow. How many more reasons do I need to feel flooded with gratitude?

Hmmmmmm....let's see....I know I have more.

Like the explosion of colour that jumped out at me from the fridge when I opened it this morning.

I went grocery shopping yesterday, and now it's full of plump purple plums, juicy orange peaches, a sliced up cantaloupe, vibrant green lettuces, chunks of white cheese, a bowl of brown eggs, a rainbow tub of yogurt, bunches of cilantro and parsley, natural peanut butter, crunchy green cucumbers and rich red apples. In this moment I am rich with the simple, everyday blessings of abundance.

Like my dear friend who just called me as I write this. He's been away and is back in town briefly wanting to know if I have time to see him. I am overjoyed at the way life just simply unfolds the day!

Like the "Joy" drops blend of essential oil I dabbed on my neck this morning. A divine mixture of pure geranium, rosewood, lemon, mandarin, jasmine, chamomile, bergamot, ylang ylang, palmarosa, and rose. I call it my liquid gold, and just the smell of it, I am sure, causes waves of bliss to undulate from my very DNA affecting all manner of creation in the most life affirming ways...or maybe...just maybe...it's the other way around...as in — all manner of creation is life affirming which causes waves of bliss to undulate from my very DNA which makes me want to smell something as beautiful, divine and natural as my Joy drops! Yes, I think that's it exactly.

How much space is there between the energy of Beauty and Gratitude?

My heart tells me there's none.

Feel one, and you'll feel the other.

Put 'em together and you've got Love.

My kinda recipe...

The Mystical, Mystery of Life

Just beyond the veil of this illusion I call my life, dwells a whole other world.

The veil is so thin now, like a shimmering, misty fog.

And I can spread it apart to create an opening, by the mere puff of my breath, a sweeping wave of my hand, or the silent movement of my mind into stillness.

Through this opening I walk into the mystical, mystery of life...a life I call Love.

Beyond the realm of action, doing, security, attachment, beliefs, opinions or any other useless structures of my mind, there exists a beauty so exquisite that my words could never describe it.

It can only be felt...and only the unburdened heart can feel it.

Access is denied to heavy baggage of any kind.

In this place, the Unknown is All....the mystery of not knowing what's next.

Here I will never find anything familiar...only the infinite unfolding of the ever present Moment...and the beauty...always the beauty.

In this world, all action and doing are replaced by a gracious and graceful dance into Being....a movement into the mystical, mystery of Life....a movement into Love.

What I am learning about this other world, is that I can live there permanently now. I no longer need to drift in and out of it. I no longer need the attachment to an external locus of control, one created by my mind, by a mass consciousness of minds, that so firmly believed in it's reality.

This other world is within. There is nowhere I need to go to get there, and there is nothing I need to do when I'm there. It was there all along...waiting...waiting...in the silence and the stillness...waiting for me to let go of the known and step into the mystery...to notice the beauty...and to feel the Oneness of Life.

It's good to be home.

The Ultimate Seduction

When I think of the ultimate seduction, it's always between Beauty And Strength.

In my own life, Spirit is continually reminding me that I am both...that these are the two energies within that ultimately must merge.

Masculine and Feminine.

Yin and Yang.

Warrior and Goddess.

These are the two energies that must seduce each other, over and over and over again, in a divine dance of unification to create an ultimate state of Grace.

And what is Grace other than a powerful yet humbling virtue from God? It's a balanced vibration in which both Strength and Beauty play the supporting roles.

But like any play of seduction, the main ingredient has got to be a sense of surrender of one to the other.

Resistance does not fair well in creating union.

Often, when I find myself feeling out of balance, I simply get quiet and try to become aware of which energy I have too much or too little of in the moment.

Yang energy is usually calling on me to collect my strength and focus on something...some kind of central idea, and to ignite my energy and act with power and decision.

Yin energy is usually calling on me to let go of any self importance, to be more flexible and accepting of What Is, to remain in an open, receptive, and nourishing state. I am usually being asked to soften, and let go of any inflated sense of myself.

I know I've spent way too much time in this lifetime trying to impose my will and act...to do things my way...to be in control. Way too much Strength, which in truth actually creates weakness. Unfortunately, I'm a natural at Yang.

So mostly my sense of imbalance, when I'm feeling it, comes from my resistance to Spirit trying to restore balance to my energy by having me soften, by going into the silence, by letting go, by opening, by Being, by trusting, by allowing, by being humble, and by loving. This is Beauty...this is Yin.

And this brings a balance to my overdone sense of Strength.

Strength and Beauty.

A mixture of the two is both productive and potent.

It's the ultimate seduction...the total vulnerability and surrender of one to the other in complete fusion...a miraculous kind of alchemy that produces a state of Grace, where Wholeness is discovered and paradise can be found.

Living In Royalty

Today was a gorgeous spring day. I went for a two-hour morning hike because I wanted to be part of the explosion of color and beauty bursting forth before my very eyes. I wanted to be one of the colors in this exquisite piece of art. I wonder what color I added? I wonder what the color of my soul is? Perhaps I contain every color. Maybe I'm even a rainbow.

I can't understand how it's possible to feel alone when we are blessed with so much beauty in the natural world. It's almost as though every magnolia bloom and forsythia blossom was expressing its joy and beauty just for me. A cardinal was celebrating by singing its song. I wanted it to come and sit on my shoulder so we could dance and sing together. My heart was filled with wonder.

I have a very private balcony on the top floor of the apartment building I live in. I am surrounded by 12,000 hectares of urban wilderness. Because it was such a beautiful day, later that afternoon I decided that a little naked sunbathing was in order. What a sensuous, scrumptious feeling it is to surrender, completely naked, to the sun. What is it about the sun that feels so nourishing and vital? This is not the first time I've allowed myself this delicious experience over the years. Leaning back in my chair, arms thrown back behind my head, breasts reaching up towards the sun, legs stretched out full length, I could not help feeling like a royal goddess, deserving of every simple gift this incredible thing called life has to offer. Surely another piece of sacred art had just been created; painted and framed, and now hanging in the gallery of my Soul with all the other beautiful moments born out of love.

We are the only ones who can make ourselves feel this way. We have to learn to treat ourselves like royalty in every moment, to do the things that make us feel good, and rich, and loved. All we ever have is NOW…this moment. This is the way of Spirit, of Soul. This is who we truly are. This is the Beauty of Being.

And yes, I realize there will be the nay sayers out there who read this who will be thinking that it's so easy to feel this way when one's life is so perfect. Here's the thing though…I'm a 47 year old single mother, I would be considered someone who lives well below the poverty line based on a 3D world model, someone, who at this stage of the game has failed miserably at life. There have been times when I've had only $20 in my pocket to buy groceries to get me through an entire weekend, because somewhere along the way I made a very conscious decision to exit a life based on the absurdity of social conditioning and the control of mass hypnosis. In any third world country I would be considered extremely wealthy. None of this fazes me, for in every moment I always end up having what I need, and I have an unshakable trust and knowing that our world is going to soon change, and that living from this place of pure soul is going to be the only way to live in it. I feel blessed to be alive, to be able to notice the beauty everywhere….and it is everywhere, if we just learn to open our eyes and our hearts and simply look around. And, I get to teach my daughter the truth of her Soul too, though I suspect she already knows this truth. Regardless, that's my legacy to her.

My life is my own. It's my masterpiece that I am creating in the moment, and mostly it's leading me home to the true nature of my Being, the Beauty of Being, and into the realm of living from Soul. I wouldn't trade this freedom for anything.

Copyright 2010 Heather Fraser — goddess@porchlight.ca Ontario, Canada, You may make copies of these articles and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and email address.