Just got out of a major crisis. It had sneaked up on me, althought i had a inner feeling i could not stop it. I geuss i had to go through this in order to wake up. Almost did cost me my marriage, the combination of my character and Ego was growing into a verry strong negative spin. I kind of lost view of everything i loved, even my own self. One moment i was ok, the next i was in total darkness. And even if i could feel and see me go down, there was no stopping it. Untill i hit bottom ground literally a few days back. Right now i am feeling better, but tired. It was a heavy and long batlle.
The batlle was all about excuses....long line of ridiculous excuses why this or that could or could not work, excuses about poor litlle me in this new world. Lost without points of reference as to what to do next.
Strange i knew this would show up one day, so i could change from help to self into help to others. I am not shure what direction i might go with this, for i am al shaken and feel like i have been run over by a truck...lol.
And for the first time in my life i asked for help, to my wife. She is always there but i never ask her for anyhting. But this was diff, i had to ask her. I always seem to go on rampage adventures and get out of it pritty safely, but this time i was ready to blow it all. Lucky for me ,my wife has always been a source of inspiration to me. And in al her wisdom she helped me help myself.
The sun came up again in my inner world,and i am positive it is the beginning of a wonderfull adventure where wals and chains no longer hold me down, where the darkness of past memories will not crawl onto me again.
Another clean-up from the old world (Europe-Belgium) and the country-family-karma has been achieved. one more stepp into the light of a new world.
I would like to take a moment here and ask parents to be kind to their kids when they are small.
I would like to ask them to not put all the pilled-up karma on their childrens shoulders.
I would like to ask them not to teach their kids the hard way just because they had it hard, this does not help your kids it just perpetuates the negative flow of things.
I would also like to ask people to be innocent in their way of seeing things.
Do not try to change a nice person into a negative just because you can not handlle the power of light.
Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.
And a big thank you to my wife Maria del Pilar...how apropriate her name always sounds...:))
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For a while i have been strugling with empty-ness, so has my wife.
This morning it came to me that this emptyness is not a burden or a strugle it is a oportunity that came out of a cleaning.
I thought it was apathy but that is not it.
I realised it when my wife and me had this problem with us not being eachothers problem.
It came to me after talking to a friend that had not talked to another friend for more than 20 years...not remembering why they did not talk.
I realised the main problem that started this was gone it was replaced by empty-ness and is waiting to be re-filled with something better something new something stronger.
it also made me realise that the problem in the first place was of neither of them but was just a thing that they gave atention to in a negative way...the Ego way.
Whoof i am in a zone now...lol...this is amazing because it was just in front of me all the time...but because of all the ratling of the inner voices from the Ego i could not hear it.
The empty-ness gives you a oportunity to start over again but more aware so less prone to re-peating the same mistake.
I tested it a few years back and did not remember when i went back to a old job i had left years before with a bad taste in my mouth.
I came back diferently than the first time, i realised they were not the reason for that bad taste but it was me.
This made my job more satisfying and i was more open to talks and changes.
And because i walked in empty but aware i did not fall into the usual traps put out by the Ego's
Wel i shure went from a real bad day yesterday to one hell of a jump-start today.
It is good to be on track again and so eazy to do once one stayes aware.
Might we see eachother sometime soon and enjoy love-friendschip-and awareness together.
Like it is said...anybody next to you might be a angel....:))
I would like to take the time right now to thank a few people that have been close ( as close as you can be on internet...lol)
in helping and supporting me (even if it did or does not seem obvious).
First of al a big thanks you to my wife.
I am not saying that not everybody here has done or given something that i apriciate and grow with but there are a few that do make a big diff in what i might call my life.
Thanks offcourse to Ben, he is a great host.
And a special thanks to Meg,Shelly,Katt,Peekay,Mo,Litlle Feather.Com Lightspeed,Marique,Vagelis...and all the others that i can not write down here or i might just be at it all night...lol.
You guys ROCK...
The road i take on these so called dates will affect the next 7 years in every way posible depending on what decision i took at that moment. And normally half-way each 7th year, a huge awareness flash will occure whether i looked for it or not. Needless to say that all this happened out of the conscious notion of my Ego ,that only wakes up when it feels things are going the wrong way for it to survive, these moments are the worst, i get dips that can take me all the way down to hell so to speak. For the rest i am aware there is a pushing towards this way of change every 7th year from a higher force. I have not gotten into it that mutch because it feels natural, and i have no inner need for further investigation or facts about the matter. At some point i have the need to trust what is happening so it can happen in a more harmonic way.
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