I`d like to descrice something I have observed over many years, and recently I discovered a pattern behind it. I speak from an effect of getting mentally trapped.
It usually happens in many cases people get personal in human encounters. While getting personal there often happens something tremendous.
As far as you hold distance - an arm`s length - and as far as you keep also mental distance to another person, nothing special will happen.
Now you want to become more personal. Your small talk changes into getting more intimacy. In case you open to another person there are not a few that understand it as submissive rite. The mental trap is working. By giving the other person the feeling of importance your status of relation to that person has changed. While your distance before has saved you from mental powers of the other person, now you are in the trap. The other person has got influence over you.
I observe this effect for instance in client - healer relations. As far as a client has distance to a healer, nothing special happens. Then the cleint is submissive giving the healer all he has - himself. Now the client has become dependent from the healer and his will.
Similar patterns appear in times of hardship. Let a sad person sit in a bar having some beers. Another person is coming close asking what happened. The talk begins. And very soon the sad person is trapped by his opening up the other person understands like submission - she/he is trespassing a door which is actually not allowed without questioning.
I have observed that most people I know have no shame trespassing doors without questioning. Whether they have not learned respect and reluctance, or they ignore signs of distance. This is the reason the mental trap is working fine.
The other hand is people`s fear to decisively say no or stop. Many have not learned this too, they don`t dare to separate from others in order to protect themselves.
Having enough distance - also mental distance - to another person is always better than getting trapped into an unnecessary dependency. Many people are no fair players, they can`t stand any open person. They tend to always understand openness as submission or submissive gesture.
This is one big reason that love among partners often is about to fail - the lack of distance and respect often changes love relations into power games.
The mental trap effect is a dark chapter in human constitution...
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Replies
You use the conjunctive - should, should, should.
Now we are living in the indicative, and in fact, there are countless people understanding encounters as mental game. From there it is not unusual entering the trap simply by having fear. Being open needs a lot of losing fear, and indeed, it is openness which is necessary for getting to know each other, without any doubt. But all this stuff is heavily disturbed which has brought us to the world we are facing now. The trap I was describing is a result of "human fortresses" - no ddors and windows open, it is like feeling under siege...
The hunger for submission is huge, and this is the reason the trap is working fine. In the moment you open to somebody it happens very often that the person is about to enter you like a pirate; you need to set boundaries.
It is by the way amazing, how often people today (I see that in Germany) ignore boundaries and thresholds, and it is not only the group of borderliners. It is a general problem of modern society.
And people with no feeling for boundaries and limits have no problem looking for submissing minds - they attract each other. The lack of respect is a push for perversion, and perversion is a strange form of hatred in erotical form...
I can feel why most people do not want me to talk about that shit - it hurts and it is disturbing, for it destroys dreams of love, light and peace. Please have a thought on that - peopel are often more related to the conjunctive than the indicative, which is real and often sad...