I've always felt sort of out of place. I've always felt different than other people, and no matter where I go, I always seem to stand out. I get attention that I don't always want....sometimes I feel like some strange novelty, here to give people a glimpse of something they've never seen before. It can get lonely sometimes....and I've always been a lone wolf....but it does get lonely....knowing that you're just so much different than everyone else.
It's an interesting phenomenon. I call it the MJ syndrome. Both Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson had it. People, who don't truly feel unique....always feel the need to stand out, and be "special". But the truly unique ones...stand out so much....that all they want is to be normal. Sometimes that's how I feel.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking, I'd just give anything to be normal. To just be like everyone else, to not stand out so much. Usually I don't think too much about it, or when that thought comes, I just move on with my day.....but today, it's hitting me hard. We all want to be different....but not so different. We all want to be an individual, but not so much that you feel like you're the only person in the whole world, who's like you. We need a sense of community...a sense of connection, a sense of similarity with other people.
And for someone like me, it's hard. There's simply next to nothing in common, with regular people. I don't understand their ways....why they think what they think, and do what they do. I don't understand their pettiness, and smallness. I don't understand why they lack so much ambition, so much talent, so much intelligence and will. Well I do understand...but it's difficult to have a connection with them, because I'm completely the opposite.
That's why....all my life....I've had to form my own peer group. My peer group, the people I've felt connected with....were always the greatest standouts in human culture. People like, Michael Jackson, or Michael Jordan....Arnold Schwarzenegger.....presidents, scientists, inventors, explorers.....all the great people throughout history. All the people who've achieved the pinnacle of excellence for this world.....in whatever field they've chosen. These were always my peers, the people I've felt closest to, and most similar to.
And I've always been that way. That no matter what I do...I have to be in the absolute highest class, among the true masters at it. I felt that's where I belonged....that's who I was...and I deserved to be there. And that's ironic, seeing as how I grew up....among the absolute lowest of the low class....in terms of material. We were one step above homelessness. And I always despised that....because I felt better than that....I felt like, not only was I high class, I was among the highest of the high. And I would do whatever it took, no matter how long it took....to get where I belong. And that's what I've been doing.
But it gets lonely. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I wish I was just a regular person. And didn't have so much ambition and will....to be the absolute best that I can be. Or more accurately....sometimes I wish, there were others like me. People that I can actually meet, and be in a community with. I don't have many friends....and the friends I do have, are not like me at all. I've never met anyone like me. The people who are like me....I can't know. But I still try to surround myself with them, and feel some sense of community and bond.
I understand how Michael Jackson felt....and understand why he would have paintings of all types of different great people, and put himself in the painting with them. He felt those were his peers. Those were the people who were like him. And that's how I feel, I've always felt that. And like Michael....sometimes life can get lonely like that. Sometimes...you just want to be like everyone else.
But that's the card we chose to play....and experience. There's no point in griping about it....we're here on a mission of service. To help this world...be the best world it can be. And that mission is what I've been focused on, for the better part of 10 years. And, as is my style...I hope to be able to aid with that, on a big scale. But it does get lonely....and it's difficult being such a stand out....but, the only thing to do is keeping moving forward....with faith that everything will work out for the better.
Anyways...thanks for letting me share my heart with you guys....and thank for listening.
Replies
Ahh, i feel exactly the same, so i understand you, and what it feels to be among others and feel as an alien..
lol.............................funny
John!! I know exactly what you mean here. I couldn't have said it any better and never tried to because I felt no one would understand. In the last 3-4 months, I have had several people say to me, " there's something about YOU", and others who have told me that I look "shiny" for some reason. Others have just been brought to tears when I happen to be in their general area or just from us having a casual conversation. Mind you, none of people even know me from Adam, but I can always feel a certain vibe when a person is fighting the unknown urge to say something to me. To help them out a little, I just look at them and softly smile to let them know that I am aware of what they are feeling and that's it's ok.
This is not every day but more often now than before. If I can help someone, I feel that it's my responsibility to do so.
Right and that's my idea of normal too, to me that's normal. It's normal to be the best you can be, and be somebody....and do big things. I've always felt that was a normal, healthy ambition that anyone should have. So it's amazing to me, to see people...without that. I chalk it up to 2 reasons, number one, they're too immature, they feel too young, they don't feel like an evolved enough person to be able to do these things....and therefore, number two....they feel that living a life of fun and party, and making money...and being able to do all kinds of things and buy things.....that's what'll bring them fulfillment.
But as we know, it doesn't work that way. They may get temporary highs, but they'll never get the type of fulfillment that comes, by taking on a higher purpose. By truly evolving as a soul, and working towards something truly positive. And even that won't bring you true fulfillment.
But it's just a hallmark of this society, in many ways, our civilization is in its adolescent stages....with a few stand outs....but as we grow into real maturity, people will begin to change....whenever that is lol
Oh JFK is definitely up there, I've actually been studying Kennedy for the past two weeks. I always kind of felt he was just another President, albeit one of the light...but I didn't see what all the hype was about, until I actually really started learning about him, and he definitely deserves his standing.
And I know..I know..it's just sometimes it can get a bit lonely...not so much for not being connected to other people, but more in the sense of...just being so different...you feel abnormal. It's a very kind of raw thing, an isolation type of feeling...no one truly likes feeling alone....at least not so much lol
John.
Mastery is the ability to do something completely opposite to the thing you are completely opposite to.
And could not do.
Our divine uniqueness is the only normal.
Our acceptance of each others uniqueness is unconditional love.
Also known as unity.
And when you are in union wit the creator,
You are never alone.
I feel you John jancer.....I sometimes wish I had normal life, situations, Jobs, a normal childhood with a normal development, but truly that is not what I signed up for.....I was reading and I think this is especially true with indigos, mystics, those on a spiritual path We have to be strong enough to be able to connect to spirit. We have to be fearless and courageous so we can do our mission and so a lot of us don't have normal.
Also if I suddenly had "normal" land in my lap I wouldn't know what to do with it...lol Also there is no normal, but I can have it's normal for me...and me comparing myself to another is not fair to myself.
I also think energetically we recognize each other and when people see someone I think that there is a soul recognition of some sort.
So you stand out....a leader?....how are you using your abilities to lead??
May Love, Light, & Joy be your constant companions!
To thine own self be True... thanks for sharing your experience John.
This is one of my favorite Michael Jackson tracks...
"Stranger In Moscow"
I was wandering in the rain
Swift and sudden fall from grace
Sunny days seem far away
Kremlin's shadow belittlin' me
Stalin's tomb won't let me be
On and on and on it came
Wish the rain would just let me
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
Here abandoned in my fame
Armageddon of the brain
KGB was doggin' me
Take my name and just let me be
Then a begger boy called my name
Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
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