For a while, now, I have been struggling to define a trustworthy friend, of all the people I have chosen to entertain, in my life.( That being said, I do trust my close family)
Now, two weeks ago, a few acquaintances, have done me wrong, by way of disrespecting my softness of heart, going through personal belongings, taking personal belongings without asking, casting negative remarks in my direction, doubting my honesty and loyalty, and all-in-all being down right rude.
I am not a person of weakness, when it comes to standing for what I believe, and can be seen to be quite arrogant and even, at times aggressive, when I'm digging my heels in the ground, and refusing to be down-trodden.
I believe that some see this as a challenge, and think it apt to 'fight' against all that I stand for.
I am not overly-imposing when I cast my opinion. And I am always open to change, whether that be of opinion or heart, if the evidence is there to show me that my direction or opinion may be faultered or mis-judged!
At these characteristics, I believe people quite often dis-like me, or try to, at least, bring me down. Through whatever reasons they may feel justifies their dis-taste.
Back to the few weeks ago...
So, anyway, I invite anyone into my home and make them welcome, if it appears they mean no harm. And when asked for advice or help, or even reference, I jump to the request, as there is nothing that fulfills me more than helping someone. I am a fiend for knowledge, and have many books on different subjects, and a vast array of reference books and non-fiction subjects that interest me. People come to me to use my books for whatever purpose they may be needing to buff up on.
Many of my books are about spirituality, magic, and alternative subjects.
I have often been called a witch. (whether this is intended innocently, as praise or whether it is meant offensively, I don not care)
I have been having deep-felt doubts about a number of people, around me, at present, so have been slowly taking myself out of those circles and spending more time with family, and myself to reflect inwards, and to re-enrich my slightly faltered trust.
These actions of mine, for my own benefit, and no reflection on others, has spurned some disapproving reactions, and has lead me to encounter some feelings of ill-will from a few individuals.
They have made suggestions of voodoo, hexes and bad-will in my direction.
I don't know what direction they are coming from, whether they are trying to give me a paranoia, or whether they are actually dabbling, to cast bad intentions in my direction. But THAT TO ME IS OF NO SIGNIFICANCE.
I will myself to never accept the bad intentions of others.
I wont be the subject of enchantment in any ill-form.
I will not accept the wrong doing of anyone as a reflection upon myself.
I wont be hexed!
I don't accept these ill-felt intentions from anyone.
Whilst meditating, on Sunday, three animals where seen in my minds eye, a horse, a Eagle launching into flight and a mouse.
Look up the totem symbolism of these animals!!!
Very apt indeed.
And also, out-of-the-blue, and kind of nonchalantly, I started to wear my onyx ring, that I have not worn for years. I don't like the restricting feelings that rings give my fingers. But it is sitting quite confortably on the ring finger of my right hand, and I haven't taken it off for two weeks!
I wasn't familiar with the properties of onyx, or the meanings of the totem animals I saw in meditation, before I just checked them all out on the net this morning!
I am smiling at their meanings!
I am also going to have to cut this short as I am a little busy but will be back later to add the links to which I made reference.
Replies
Totem meanings for each animal totem on emilygems.com (a personal fave of mine)
Remember I had visions of a eagle, horse and mouse..
http://crystal-cure.com/totems.html
http://www.jewels-empire.com/Onyx_info.html
I always liked vivid persons like you seems to be!
But I must also say, that such vivid sweeties are often challenging you not losing nerves. I don`t mean that in a bad way, rather with a smile...
Please excuse me being too open, but you sound like a fresh, juvenile mind still wondering about such cruel world. Am I right, you are not even in your 30s?
Take a breath and relax. All is in fine order. The world is moving as it is moving. That, which you are experiencing, is supposed to happen to us in process we become mature. And thid process is really very disturbing and sucking once in a while...
Can you imagine, I married, when I was 23! That was freaking! Well, it was not bad, but actually I still was like a young and wild horse, while my spouse - even being younger than I - acted like a lady in her 50s... Finally we failed after 5 years.
I mention this in order to encourage you to be patient and relaxed, if you can. Let them talk. But try not to be like miss Polly in Huck Finn! You are young and wild and still full of wonderful imaginations you should try to live, and you will see. You will have to accept limits, and you also will exceed and transcent limits. You`ve got a lot to do managing your live. But be patient and relaxed, if you can.
I often suffered being misunderstood when I was young. I had books like you and many more. Over the years I had a couple thousand books. And I met this woman, who was tender to me, and I thought, wow, I must hold her. And I convinced her to marry. Gosh, how immature, I think today. But ok, that was our way...
Have courage! I`ll send you a hug and many greetings!
Hello tertiusgaudens! =)
Thank you for your response.
Firstly I am a cancerian monkey, born on the 4th of July 1980. (Will be 32 this year. =)) So you are right about me being young, but not in years, I am a free spirit and very young at heart in some senses. I have my maturity about me, in certain areas. But in all I do love to see things through a sense of innocence, and try my hardest not to judge things and people by my passed experiences. Everybody deserves a fresh approach and a fair deal! (I like the fact you think I am younger than what I actually am, made me chuckle, a little)
I have always been very sensitive to things, I think it comes with being a water sign, and also from childhood experiences. But the incessant teachings I seem to be perpetually going through with the trusted friend subject is getting a bit old hat now, and I feel a little lost as to what it may be that I have to learn from this repeated experience of hanging with people who don't value friendship very highly?!
Maybe it be that I totally remove all thought of a true friend, and just hang with myself until a person of true intent and real friendship pops up?!
It is no fret. I am not worried, or stressing about the things I have observed and experienced with my current acquaintances. I was trying to point out the things that have come to since my last, and final (straw) undesirable experiences with current acquaintances.
I love people to be open, so thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and life experiences with me!
=) xxx (=