What a retired husband
does
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six
months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store..
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't
looking.
2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive
a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August
23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, '
Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9..
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he
practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK
ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
does
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six
months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store..
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't
looking.
2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive
a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August
23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, '
Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9..
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while
he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he
practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK
ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Replies
ROFL!
That's too funny!
ROFL ! that'll fix that issue,
But he really was havin fun in there.
Love
Steve