Hello warmheartdly all,
I really like an aswer to this question...After the sad Gollum life I citated below in fragments...I just like to say no ascension...Healing/Love I need...Hope one can say no to ascension. I seem more of a tormented artist soul, having experienced loveless environments, full of lonelyness, despair, and obviously depression!
...My life has been a sad Gollum life, full of sadness, loss (I possibly traumatically lost my twinflame...was high sensitive artistic as well), profound rejection, abandonment and many hardships beyond count. My heart is broken, I come from dysfunctonal conservative controlling parents who utterly rejected me (heart&soul), thought I was a defect (I'm a high sensitive introvert, heart connecting deeply into arts&music), sure I was heavily bullied...low self esteem, no love [they only cared about money], was told sex is dirty & taboo. My parents exchanged money for love! Threw all my creative interest things away [throw ones heart away]...Never listened to my intuition,had dark cold friends...even occult...Had plenty nightmares.
I was denied education in music/arts...Though some sensitive (female) psychologist and an artist in a rehab centre (was forced into a computing career against my heart, and I cracked...deep depression/trauma episodes) that I'm a very creative soul, though this is true [some said of a multi talent, though I tend to remain self-critical&humble)...Unfeeling authorities & cold-hearted conservative politicians had other ideas...Was recently tossed out by the Govt out of an unfinished music course (savage cuts, not academic performance). One can say I'm both got spiritual & emotional empoverished this lifetime. This is just fragments of my life, I could possibly write a book. For the creative things like painting, drawing, fractals, free prose poems etc...I need to leave it another day, as I cant even upload any pics in this internet cafe. One of the last cold-hearted hurtful phrases my mum blared at me before she died was...'Close your heart, dont help other people'. So cold, and selfish, something my deeply sensitive soul (even with all the traumas) never would agree with. I'm currently experiencing still alot of depression/trauma flashbacks, having counseling...Much is still not healed.
Now to other things...I've made a planet of origin reading (url: http://www.lightconnection.org/planetaryorigin/planetaryorigin.html) and it came back Sirius with Arcturus as secondary. I seem to channel feminine energy, not male at all...Possibly a Blue Ray. Maybe someone can direct me to more infos.
Yes I heard plenty of the Nibiru planet, and of the upheavals its currently causing to planet Earth...And supposively passing sometime later this year...Though I havnt yet seen it in the sky yet, but seen the (removed) images of Google sky.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jijqqZiZK6A
If I can ask it this way...What can one do about all this? If the cataclysm/pole-shift is later this year...What is going to happen to souls who amongst other things, choose the path of no ascension? I would like more truthful informative infos about Nibiru in general though...
Hope this can do for my first posting....If in the wrong section, please kindly put it in the right place...*heart* :)
~Peace and Light~
Replies
Many dear apologies for delays, as I said...I currently have no direct internet at home, internent cafes seem far between now...Propably because of the mobile-phone rampant profileration (coughs...I cant stand mobile-phones, so impersonal...robotic). It may take some whiles to go through the links/infos posted...*peace* Yes I have real low self-esteem, seem always on alert/survival mode...PTSD...hardly trust anybody...Only a few counselors I trust. Have strange neighbours which seem to ramble negative things too. Numerous psychology therapy attempts have failed miserably ...no empathy, seems to do with the system void love! Yes...So back to the question where can I find love in this so sick dysfunctional tech-hyper-obsessed world?!?
Many people behave like robots/zombies to me, obsessed with mobile phones & co [nomophobia?!?]...I perceive lot of selfishness & vanity there. Yes I'm an honest soul...Only I was confused what ascension really is [thought it was something to do with archangels], I can easily be confused and overwhelmed...High sensitivity that was never understood. I always believe in truth, unlike my now long deceased parent (who seems to somehow to enter my dreams - I want her to stay away[how?]...My sensitive soul needsl love & healing, no more poisonous cold tongues - need protection...Sending back to source doesnt seem to work). , who believed and told lies. I paint, write songs/poems, and do other creative things I was not allowed to do before...only feel rather alone. When is this so sick world going to be healed of all the dark evils around I somehow ask? See all the utter atrocious things in Russia/Ukraine & Gaza...*sigh* :(....Below is a pic of my broken heart painting...
~Peace & Light~
with ascension comes unlimited love, peace and bliss, but granted it is not always rainbows and ponies during the process. the peace and love is beyond anything i have ever felt. it only gets deeper. i think that choosing to ascend is less painful than ascending and moving forward. people who choose not to let go in this process have a hell of a time with there issues as they become magnified and hightened for them. this process sometimes people fight it, and that is totally normal, but when you let go and surrender boundless peace and happiness occur. and for some i don't believe there is a choice i do believe there is a choice to how far they will go as in they might want to turn it off, but it is in their soul contract.....
the New Deal era: most of us have your parents. or one parent. it is hard when a parent misbehaves, is rejecting, is a fibber, pretentious. but people don't grow suddenly due to having a child. when someone was mean before you were born, then they are not going to do well emotionally whether you are born or not. ........you are not alone. it just is not personal when anyone is rejecting; it only says this person is fair weather to all he doesn't need. [i prefer you over you, is, all very bad off emotionally people do this, even to ones own kids,rejecting who is not rich enough, or whatever], and if i am wrong at someone, well, that is when you will note it is easier to be the abused, then be the abuser. easy ability to self correct, is emotionally healthy only; and not to, has one lying even worse.. ..write a short story about a hurtful segment of your life, and make it turn out where you say what needs to be said, et cetera. .....mine, is called, the "funeral", where all rude people at the funeral, finally are given religion. ....remember bigots are bigots. in a world where you are told not to be prejudiced towards black people, but can be? to slow people, poor people, mentally ill people, fat people, skinny people, et cetera. .........low self esteem feels so bad. it is so sad, people who are as old as me, in ones 50's, and still has. ruined life, even if one lives in a mansion, and vacations all the time. ......low self esteem is even only why the dark illuminati ever had any power of persuasion at all. FOREMOST, PEOPLE WHO LIE WILL NEVER WANT TO HANG OUT WITH WHO IS HONEST.
liars don't want to ascend. they do though. they just don't believe in truth, thus they don't believe in god. you are not a liar, is, you already are on the ascension path. and bad behaving people show you what not to be.
conscious pi: Interesting to say that we are taught not to be prejudiced against black people, but not people with mental health problems, etc. This is something we should all think about.
what is worse, ......they use racism or sexism to cover up huge prejudice against the poor. .......one more thing, regarding this subject in general, is the Crosby stills nash and young song, "teach your parent well."
........people i know in my personal life, who have a bad behaving parent, tend to acknowledge this, only when it is convenient, but also, embraces parental bad behavior. or rather, we always need to look at people as they really are, with the only intent to help that individual earn truth, and get better, instead of pretend a person does better then they do. even if an older relative, or a parent even. ............i only say this, as we need to Care about the guy who isn't doing well is the ONLY way.
...our earth is such a bad place because judgment is fun to people; self serving to prop up fake esteem.
it would have been me in your exact circumstance for who self corrects.
Sorry I cannot help you in re to the fact that you do not want to ascend.
My background sounds just like yours. I feel like you do every day
You need someone to love you.