Why did God make animals?

If you are a “dairy” cow, God made you so humans could confine you in spaces where you barely have room to turn around for your entire life, pump you with hormones so you grow and mature faster, fill you with antibiotics so these conditions won't make you die, artificially inseminate you, take your baby away to turn him into soft leather gloves or a sofa, take the milk meant for your baby, and then, you know, eat you as hamburgers when your milk slows.

If you are an elephant, God made you so you could be beaten, shocked, and whipped until you learn how to stand on two legs, do headstands, or walk a tightrope in the circus because nothing spells family entertainment quite like animal abuse.

If you are an egg-laying hen, God made you so you could be born along with hundreds of others on a conveyer belt while you watch your brothers (who God made useless as they will never give us eggs) be ground alive or thrown into a trash can to die of suffocation.  Then, as God made your beak too long and capable of pecking other hens when you are confined in your four inch space in the wire cage, humans will kindly cut some of your beak off for you to avoid this unfortunate problem.  Then you will spend your life practically stationary, unable to lift even one of your wings for lack of space, because God only made your wings for decoration and never intended for you to be able to open them.  Your muscles will become weak, your bones will become brittle, your feathers may be stuck in the wire cages, but, sorry, God wanted humans to have scrambled eggs for breakfast. 

If you are a duck, God made you so you could have a feeding tube stuffed down your neck for thirteen days while 200 grams of corn is forced into your stomach daily until your liver has swollen to ten times its normal weight so humans can enjoy the delicacy of foie gras.

If you are a pig, God made you so you could, as a baby, have your tail cut off, your testicles ripped off, and a notch cut into your ear to help identify you. God wanted you to enjoy a life of concrete floors and metal bars and prefers when you don't have enough room to turn around.  As you are hanging upside down at the slaughterhouse, pray that you are unconscious before you hit the scalding tank. 

If you are a “broiler” chicken or a turkey, welcome to genetic modification because God wanted us to make you bigger.  Nevermind that your legs can't handle the unnatural weight and may crumble underneath you or that your heart and lungs aren't developed enough to support the rapid weight-growth.  If you are a turkey, forgive that the modifications have lost you the ability to reproduce naturally (don't worry, we'll artificially inseminate you).  Just be thankful you won't be alive to realize where we are sticking the bread at Thanksgiving. 

If you are a “beef” cow, you will be marked with a hot iron brand so we don’t forget to whom you belong.  Your horns will be cut off because "oops" God didn't mean for you to have those.  You will spend the last few months of your life crammed with hundreds or thousands of your closest friends into a feedlot filled with mud and manure while your grass-fed stomach is fed an unnatural diet of corn, soy, fish, and blood to fatten you up.  Then, hopefully, you will be rendered unconscious before you are hung up by your hind legs and bled and cut and divided into convenient little grocery store packages. 

If you are a dog, God might have made you so you could spend your life inside the small wire cage of a puppy mill so humans could breed the cutest combinations of companion animals while countless other dogs died homeless and unloved for the crime of being less cute.

If you are a sea turtle or a seahorse, God made you so you could be yanked from the ocean and hoisted quickly through the various sea levels by the enormous commercial fishing nets.  Don't worry, the fishermen will eventually find you and, as you are the unwanted by-catch, cast your now dead body back into the ocean.