Uhm. I was chatting with Near and Unlabeled and Unlabeled brought up a good point. Every event I was going over that dated back to 2004 he kept going "HHMMMM coincidence".  

I don't know anything right now. I can't hold back information anymore or small details like I have been, otherwise it potentially fucks up being able to sort out any of the past life connections and getting the stories straight, even if I seriously don't want that information out.

Ugh.. anyway. I traced back all these events that eventually led to my "awakening" and such back to 2004, when I was 14. I remember exactly which event that got me into writing the first draft concepts of the Haji vs Wei clan story, and when I first began drawing up the initial concepts for "Reikara". After I had the first shared dream with Reiz I can remember waking up the next day thinking "Wow that was weirdly real". I remember specifically sketching the phoenix that attacked us in my sketchbook and it was that damn bird and dream that was the initial inspiration for the story. 

I used to hang out on the net a fair bit back then and I kept seeing advertisements for an anime called Naruto everywhere. Finally I got the hint and decided to check it out, which fast became my favourite (still) anime / manga. I used that world as the basic setting for Reikara then  after watching D.Greyman I remember spinning in a little fanfic for that into the Haji / Wei story that involved Rei in an ancient type world based on magic then later emerging (with some magic skills still) into a highly advanced futuristic world based on technology instead with a severe case of amnesia. Which apparently had something to do with Ian Pano's ship / crew thing. 

I never really wrote a whole lot beyond that point or got into detail. The small things I did have sorted out beyond that point was that she ended up being studied for a short while I think after being found and freaked out then tried to break out of the facility but was stopped. She somehow learnt their language then things were generally explained to her and she ended up fighting with whatever faction she came across to fight off an enemy, which was the Wei in my story who survived for a long period of time after wiping out the Haji.

There was another thing which I desperately wished to avoid but I have to spill details for the sake of getting this all straight. There were a couple details I left out purposefully in the Zesfah blog. One was that there were two letters translated next to the Japanese/Chinese kanji letters. "J e ". The rest was not written. When the name came though it sounded like "Jessiah", which is what stuck with me since. That's when something hit me the other day and I asked Anush if Jeremy's name was short for "Jeremiah". I combined that with the eye-scar incident back in 2004 which happened around the time period of the first shared dream and I didn't like (and still don't) what it was spelling out. I'm just hoping I've got all this terribly wrong and mixed up.

There was one last detail I left out from that blog. Before Zesfah left she said something cryptic. It looks straight forward to anyone else but I'm damn certain I know she was referring to a particular someone I know in real life. "By the way, he only likes skinny girls". My first reaction was "What the fuck, as If I'd even ever LIKE someone THAT shallow." But then I got what she meant. She wasn't referring to the Jessiah name. She was referring to a certain guy in particular I've been close friends with and had feelings for since 2004. Although he doesn't know it and never will, and it will stay that way. 

The optometrist who told me I had the scar wouldn't shut up about it when he found it. He kept repeating himself over and over. "It's shaped like a hook, like a fishing hook, but it isn't a hook. Uhm think of it more like a ' J '! Yes, it's a ' J '. You have a ' J ' scar on your eye!" My idiot retard ex boyfriend back then named John kept exclaiming it stood for his name and "it was meant to be". Not it wasn't. He fucking tried to drown me the following year. Asshole. If I ever see that asswipe again.....

..Moving on. 2004 was also the year I began practicing spells, and learnt how to use a cup with my mind and all sorts of things. During that year my wiccan friend and I were able to summon natural objects into existence through combined concentration on the object. We did a series of tests to see if we were actually influencing it, and we were. 2004 was the year nasty spirits started hanging around my house as I got more and more into magic practice. 2004 was also the year my wiccan friend and I saw the silhouette of a 6ft + tall man standing in front of my door, in my house. My sister and other friend could not see him, and thought we were acting.

I've never been that scared before in my life. By the end of 2004 I had to forcibly shut myself down to the spirit world as the spirits hanging around me were getting dangerous and scary. I can't handle poltergeist activity and I was dabbling into some black magic which I really shouldn't have. To be honest though back then I thought it was all my friend's doing. Like she was the one with the ability to make it all work, and I was just leeching off that. However she told me some things back then which I doubted but make sense now.

Like "One day I was sitting in my yard and I blinked. When I opened my eyes I saw all these weird and strange creatures. Fairies and gnomes and things.. and other monsters I've never seen before. It only lasted a moment but it was like someone lifted a veil over my eyes." I thought she was having me on back then but now I know what she meant by that. Literally. I knew that I could make all the paranormal things stop if I just stopped believing in it all and "shut the gate" so to speak in my head that opened my mind to it all. I wanted to believe it, but I was too scared and naive to deal with it. 

2004 was also the year I had the assassination attempt on me when I came home to a house full of gas and I couldn't recognize the smell, then nearly blew myself and the house up. 

Edit~

Was watching this video then decided it was very appropriate for this. >_>