Note:   This is all gonna be in chronological order as far as I can tell.  This is a series of unedited emails, which detail my experiences for the month of March.  If you haven't read my past blogs it'd be a good idea, it gives a little bit of context to the situation, just hyperlink: http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/a-very-weird-imagination

And I implore you, if you have ANY questions please feel free to ask.

I'll also update it regularly.

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Last night, I was laying down, and I wanted to go to my garden.  But no, I guess not.  Hmph.

I relaxed my face, and after a while I heard what was more or less... like... I didn't hear it, but, it was there, it was what I'll call energy static, Anush described it as a high pitched waterfall sound.  I noticed that there was an undertone that was the same pitch and didn't change, and then there was another energy that was more like the wind in my ears on a windy day, that went up and down.

After a while I imagine that my limbs start shrinking, and going into my body, until all that was left of me was a little dot.  An orb, rather.  And this orb, I heard a voice say, This, is a tiny piece of a soul fragment.  And I felt it being pulled away.

I don't like my soul being pulled out of my body like that.  I resisted and I resisted real hard.  I think I managed to get it back.  I can't believe it actually took effort to pull it back, but I guess so.

So, I lie there for a while and my mind starts talking about postive and negative, light and dark, and that light and dark can be good and evil, how a proton has more mass than an electron but has the same charge, so that positive charge holds more energy than negative, and I realize that this was a seminar, I was sitting in a holographic body.

After I realized this I was like, Phew, it wasn't someone trying to steal a part of me or something.  But after that I couldn't focus, and I got up and left the room.

As I went through the doorway my hand brushed against it and a part of me wanted to blow up the ship and I was going Don't blow it up, don't do it.  I wandered around for a while trying not to blow up the ship, when something happened and I was lying on a table of sorts, with my hands cuffed to it, and somehow there was put a wire cage around me.  I realized this was to keep me there, and I got the hell outta there.

Then I went back up into orbit, found the ship, and went to it, plunged my hand into its body and blew up a portion of it.  I got inside the hull and walked to another place in the ship, when some troopers came in through a hole that went inside (five of them I think) and told me to stop.

I didn't, I figured, Hell this is as good a time as ever, and I said Gotterdammerung (the symbol-activation word?) and charged right through all five of them, knocking them down, then blowing up the ship.  Whee.

After that not much, I think I went to sleep.

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Well I had a weird dream, but at this point I can only remember that I was a girl, or at least looking at a scene taking place involving a girl, and she was in this pink petticoat with a little below shoulder-length hair, and she hanging with these two boys who were making fun of her dress.  Their accents were British, and the setting was maybe in Industrial Revolution era Britain.  And it's probably my subconcious screaming at me about my most recent past life.  Yick...

I also went up there.  And I didn't necessarily go into the garden.  I wanted to, I wanted to at least go to the door and read my name, but instead where I went was to a desert in a sandstorm, because I wondered if I could do Rae's exercise of hopping on poles and keep a bell quiet.  So I was in the desert, with a sand blowing all around me, and there was a 6 by 7 grid of short stumps about 6 inches tall maybe, and I had a short staff with two bells on the end.  I tried to do it, but I barely even kept my balance.  After trying it again, I decided to give up.  I don't have very good balance up there.

After that I just kinda wandered around the desert for a while.  I realized, as I talked to myself, that I was different.  My skin was much more tan, like a Pacifc Islander maybe, and I had black hair, and (this is the weirdest part) I had a different voice.  I actually talked to myself, in a different voice, as though it were my natural voice, and I was aware of it.  I think I looked a bit like Lin from Fullmetal Alchemist.

Then, I saw someone in the distance.  I zoomed in, and it was this weird lady that was dressed up all weird in a blue robe and starnge flared hair, with picks in it, and she had this really weird grin on her face.  I thought, "Is this my sister?" although I doubted it.  When she got up to me she punched me in the face.  I thought, Is this traditional greeting for me around here?  Did I do something so that half the people I meet punch me in the face?  She said that that was something that happened.  I don't know if maybe it was to test my reflexes or something.

After that she fought me.  We set up a dueling field to my protests, and we fought a few times ( well not fought, really most lasted a few seconds) and I beat her... twice maybe.  After that, she wanted to fight again, and I said OK.  But she didn't set up the field.  I was like, Hey, hey hey hey get away from me with that sword, and I started running like hell, through a sandstorm.  She kept catching up to me, though, and she was in the air descending on me when something froze her and put a white-laser box around her.  Then it was tossed away.

The being that did that was a dragon.  I was like, wait, is this...?  No it's not.  I walked up to the dragon.  It was one-headed, it was blackish-brownish, with metal-looking armor that came more in plates than scales.  Sort of like Red Eyes Black Dragon.  I went up to its claws (that were as big as me) and felt them, and I was just sitting there saying This ain't real, this isn't happening.

I got a sense, maybe from the dragon, that I should get on.  I thought, No, I'm not a dragon rider.  It would not be good to do that, and before I could say anything else I was on its back, behind one of its plate-scales.  At this point I was thinking Ok now this is just crazy!  There is no way this should even be happening, I'm not a dragon rider!  It went out into space, with me just going this ain't right over and over again, and then I fell off.

Falling off a dragon in space, is not a good idea.  Most of the time.  I think.

Anyways I plummeted back to the sandstorm place.  I looked up, and saw that the sun was shining through a little bit, which meant the storm was weaker.  I walked for a while, and came upon a city.  It was like a medieval Arabian slum, with sand-brick hovels and market stalls.  It also had a wall, but I got over that easily enough.  I walked through the main street, which was empty, because the storm was still whipping around.  It might have been stronger in fact.

I decided to go into a house, on the left.  I knocked, and a guy who looked way too much like the Saladin simulation from Civ IV let me in.  It was kinda dark and musty, and there was a table in the middle to sit at.  We sat and talked for a little bit before he decided he didn't like me so much and let me back out.

I went into another house, this one had an old lady in it, with a shawl and such.  She looked like an Arabian nun, sort of.  I don't remember what I did there.

Finally, there was a third house that I went into, this one being on the market square.  It was a tavern, although a really small one for that, and it was better lit up than the others.  I went to the bar, but didn't get anything, even at the request of the bartender.  I saw that in the corner there was a few people with instruments warming up.  It was two violinists.  They began to play, and it was some really great Arabian music, and there was a drummer as well, not drummer like rock band, but like one that you tapped with your hands.  I went up there and played the tambourine or some instrument like that, and we made really good music.

I'm not entirely sure what happens after that, I remember talking to some of the patrons in whatever language they were talking in, and sort of half-understanding it, sometimes mentally translating it into English.

So that was... this would be, number 14, I think.

Urk, I think Reiz, or Reiz's Instinct, or somebody that looks like Reiz except way crazier attacked me last night.  It started before I laid down to go to sleep!  I was beat up, and shot at, I can still feel the bullet holes in my head, sort of.  He kept physically punishing me and telling me to stop trying to phase in more with my body (I was trying to feel the pain a little better, I'm one for experiences).  Eventually, even with my broken body, I survived, and through some way or other, I think by just not giving in to his taunts, Instinct went out of his body.  At that point, I lay there, and someone (I'm guessing Anush but I don't know, it mighta been someone else) healed me a little bit, and went over to Reiz's prostrate body for something.  After that that person left.  A little while later, Reiz (or whoever it was at this point, he looked different again and much more sane) came over and pressed a ring with a blue stone on it to my forehead.  He held this for a long time, and then he did some other stuff, then walked away.

I had a dream involving this lady, her name had Elie Eliot Juliet Smith in it, not necessarily in that order.  I was at a museum place or memorial, it was her house, and a miracel or seomthing like that had occured there.  Apparently it had something to do with releasing 5,000 doves from her hand, and then dying in the process.  The room where it happened was rather shabby, and the area of the room that it happened in was burnt or crumbling.  I know the name because I saw it on a pedestal.

I also went up there, I (the following may or may not be true) rode Anush into warp space (when she got fast enough there was a pop and then we were in black, and we came out of it after a little bit).  I shoulda looked up, or straightened or soemthing to enjoy the ride, but I just kinda sat there hunched behind one of the plates.  Sigh...

Anyway after that she stopped by a planet and I got the words Ride time over now! or soemthing like that, and dropped onto the planet.  It was grassy plains with a blue sky stretching off to forever, the was barely any detail to it.  It was a little too flat.  It took me a while to see teh city behind me.

It was sort of like, a Final Fantasy futuristic shanty town with Renaissance elements to it, or the other way around.  It was walled, with actual guards, and towers, and city towers that were buildings.  Maybe it was a palace.  I passed through the guards after a little discrimination (apparently I was part of some sort of persecuted group, because of my skin color, or maybe I'm just known everywhere as a criminal or something) and walked around for a while and met someone, and then went out, telling someone there to keep me sheltered or something.  I went back later while I was doing soemthing else and I had been asleep for a long while apparently.  It was the same the next few times I went there, and then I just decided to withdraw from there.

So that's the extent of my travels, to my memory.

Oh yeah, I went up there and got beat up by cowboys.  I remembered it just now, it happened the time I decided I'll just not be in the city any more.  I got beat up a whole bunch, and then attempted healing myself.  Anush came over and offered to help but like a stubborn ass I said No I want to do this myself.  She held off I suppose, and I successfully removed 5 bullets from my right arm and reformed part of it before falling asleep from exhaustion again (which seems to be how most of my experiences end now).  I guess either it was a dueling field and it was torn down or itw as real and Anush finished the job.

By the way, my sixth sense is getting more accurate, as in I can sense that Anush is Anush.  That is, she has a certain energy signature or "vibe" that I can recognoze as hers.

I also had a neat dream.  I can't remember one half of it, although I know it involved... woop, it had something to do with a house, made of wood, in a suburban place, or maybe it was a nice apartment, computer maybe had something to do with it, eh... The other half was about where I apparently was infiltrating a base in a mountain, I don't remember if I was Pacific Islander me or not, there were three things I remember:  one, I couldn't go outside the base once I was in it (maybe I was imprisoned there) because there were these weird drone workers or soemthing that were spreading radiation out of cans very slowly or seomthing like that, and whenever I went out I became weakened  Two, there was a scene where there was a bunch of Big Daddies (from Bioshock, I've been playing it recently) that were just pummeling all the life outta me (and I think I might have been there with someone else or other people as well) and Three there was a scene where there were two guards standing next to a door, they were talking about the guy who was in the base (me) and one said, in reference to me, "And his name is Hope." and I got an image of a pedestal with the name Hope on it.

So maybe I'm called Hope.  Maybe it's an analogy to my nature.  The only thing left after everything else has been beaten out of you, hope.  The ray of light from all the darkness from Pandora's box, hope.  Hah, who knows, maybe that's why some people don't like me up there.  Who knows.  Although, Hope is a strange name for a guy.  But it's sort of gender-neutral I think.

I laid down, and I was thinking a lot when I thought "don't wallow in the mire" as a line from a Doors song.  Or soemthing.  That took me to a swamp.  I was in waders, about waist deep in mud.  I had a shotgun with me.  I started to move about in the mud, when I saw something move.  I stopped, and saw something move again.  It was a crocodile.  It leapt towards me, and I shot at it.  It died instantly.

After that, another crocodile, and another, and another came, until there was this whole tribe of crocs around me.  They almost attacked me before I asked them why they were going to attack me.  They said it was because I had killed one of them.  I replied by answering that every dies eventually, adn I was sorry that I had killed one of them but it would have happened one way or another.  Eventually it was semi-settled, I think.  But they had me give them all the weapons I had on me, including all the bullets, my shotgun, and a few knives.  I commented that the only weapon left was me, and they'd have to kill me to get rid of that.

The leader came up and bit off my left hand.  I wasn't sure if he did at first, but I noticed after a while that there was a burning-like sensation on the wrist, as though my hand were gone.  They got some things to cover it up with, and told me to keep the wrist under the mud.

Then, they started playing with me.  This involved tossing me up and catching me a lot.  It wasn't painful, they were rather gentle in their biting if they weren't in the amount of force used, and after a while I was back standing in the mud.

The leader, I think, encouraged me to heal myself.  So I thought of the hand, and reconstructed first the bones in the hand, then the muscles, then the skin.  But I put a twist on it:  I decided to give myself claws.  There was a lot of thinking going on, as to where the claw should go, a sheath, the proper lubrication and muscles, where they should come out, etc.  In the end I wound up with a hand that had claws that extended about an inch from my hand.  Which was pretty awesome.  The leader wondered how I had done that, where I had gotten the resources to reconstruct my hand like that.

They tossed me again, this time into a really deep part of the swamp.  Here there were little pirahna like things that I succeeded in getting of of me with the new appendages I had.  My mind called them Keeblars.  I slogged back to the place where the crocs were, and I came to thought that they were called the Kokoblars, or something similar to that.

I thought, What if I were a tiger?  I would need to be in a plain.... one of the crocs obliged and tossed me way up high in an arc.  I landed in a savanna-like area.  My body was rather hopelessly broken; I could either reconstruct my body back, or become something else.  So I went through a long process of changing bone structures, muscles, eyes, and brain from that of a human into that of a tiger.  When I was done, I got up, and tried running.  It was really rather strange.  A tiger thinks differently than from a human.  I think I kept some parts of the human brain when I did that, though.

I came up to a cliff, which went down a rocky slope at roughly 45 degrees.  Ahead of me was a line of trees, and past that was a road, then another forest.  The sun was setting.  I clambered down the hill, went through the forest, and saw deer across the road.

So I just kinda went after them.  I was a tiger, not a human; it was like a natural reaction to go after them, sort of.  I charged across the road and went after the pack.  I was slightly aware of another tiger present as well, and a deer separated from the rest of the pack.  The other tiger caught it unawares and killed it.

We both settled down for a feast.   It was bloody, and I was eating raw guts, yes.  But that was how it was.  After about thirty seconds, though, I noticed a jeep coming down the road.  There were shots, and first the tiger, then me got wounded.  A couple of men, one white, one black, came along and carried us into the back of the jeep, which was enclosed.

I had already told the tiger I was human, but tiger too, and I reconstructed back into a human all the while nervous about what would happen if they saw me doing this.  I got back, and was trying to heal the tiger when apparently the car had stopped and the black man opened the door.  He got a wide look in his eyes, and ran back to the white man who was positioned about ten meters behind the door of the back of the jeep.  He started crying out in some language, and kept making the cross with his hand.  I went to them, talked to the white man telling him to stay still, and told the black man mentally ('cause the white man wouldn't be able to know I was doing anything besides looking at him in the eye) that I wasn't going to kill him or anything, I was not a god. 

I went back to the tiger, healed it, and let it off.  I went back to the men, told the black guy to tell the white guy to go off somewhere, told the white guy that if he wanted to find out anything that had happened, he needed to contact an Anush, and not to get her involved in anything bad.  I asked the black man where I was, apparently I was in southwestern Mali, but I think he was from Kenya; that would explain why the sun was setting, and why he could speak English.  The white man was from South Africa, his name might've been Robert Kilquow or something like that.  I reassured the black guy that I was not a god, I was a person, even though I had claws on my left hand, anyone can do this if done properly, and if he needed to talk to me he could try anytime.

So, that was it.  I wonder if it was a memory, a different world, or this one.

I was sitting reading about shamanism, when there was this pull, and it got a little stronger and stronger and I was like Dammit, fine, let me go to the bathroom and I'll go back up there.

So I did, and after a little bit I was on a desert that I have been on before.  There were two mountains in the distance with a gap between them.  Again, the sun was setting.  I ran and jumped and did a little acrobatics, and I balanced on the tip of my index finger for about two seconds before crashing down.  I got back up, and noticed a presence or a person walking up behind me.  I'm guessing Anush, but it was at most a detached presence.  Sort of there, sort of somewhere else.

I got the bright idea of Hey, why not rebuild my arm like auto-mail in Fullmetal Alchemist?  So I chopped my right arm off at a little above the elbow, and then went about rebuilding it into a mechanical arm, with the cell-fiber optics interfaces, the structural support, elbow and finger joints, etc.  After about two minutes I had a brand new arm.  I remember someone came up and swung a sword at my arm, and commented on how it was pretty sturdy.  I did the finger balance thing again, and held for about five seconds before a bit of the finger broke off.

I strengthened the metal a little bit by rearranging the structure of the atoms a little bit into the ring-like pattern using carbon.  After that, I thought to draw a line in the ground the shape of a long, skinny rectangle.  I did that, and then made perfect cracks in the ground, so that what was sitting in the ground was now a big block about ten feet by five feet by one foot.  I tried to lift it out of the ground using sheer mental force, but managed to only raise it about six inches.

My arm, I thought, maybe it's the fact I'm not using my actual arm.  I went over to my arm where I'd left it, took off the mail, and put my arm back on after a couple of tries (the first time I'd lined it up incorrectly).  I then tried raising the block again and succeeded in lifting it out of the hole.  I almost forgot I had to gently lower it back on to the ground.

I stood there for a little while wondering what to do with it, when I just got the sudden inclination to turn it into something.  After all, if I could make a metal arm out of virtually nothing, what could I make of this block of sand?

I drew lines dividing the block into pieces.  When I finished them, I split the block along those lines.  Then I took each individual block and wrote all these weird symbols on them.  Every rune-path had something to do with the thing that certain block was to become and do.  I manually drew each rune, rather swiftly too, as though I already knew what each one was to do and where it went, until I just kinda got tired and drew the lines with my mind.  That went a lot quicker, since I could do each block *snap like that.  I think the way I did this was that I had worked out a blueprint in my mind long ago, and was able to recall it on the spot onto an object.  I had to adjust a few things for the situation though.

When I was done, I laid all the blocks in a certain way, relevant to where that object would be when it shifted.  I closed my eyes, concentrated for a few moments, snapped, and opened my eyes.  In front of me was a blue sand buggy.

I hopped in, and the presence got in the passenger side, and we took off.  The dang thing went really fast, the wind was really whipping in my hair.  I shoulda got it a windshield.  We musta gone over 100 mph, along with the additional boost I gave it by feeding it a bit of my energy.

As we approached the mountains, I let off the gas for a little while to reconstruct the engine from a two cylinder to a four cylinder.  I had to shift around everything in the hood, but I got it done, and after that we went even faster.

When we got to the mountains, I did a right angle turn as I drove past the base of it using the emergency brake.  I think the presence got out of the car at that point, leaving just a little bit behind.  I drove towards the horizon, and slowly saw a walled city rise up.

About a mile from the city there started to be sniper rifle fire.  I drove in a circle around the city.  Eventually a shot nicked the gas tank, which I hurriedly reconstructed, but didn't take into account the bullet in the tank, so that when I sealed it up, the dang thing blew up and lit the back on fire.  I reconstructed a tank using sand I got from dragging my finger along the ground onto the side facing away from the city.

Eventually they managed to get the engine, which blew up and rendered the buggy useless.  I pulled a block out of the ground for use as a shield against fire, and got into the hole it made.  I then pulled a block out in the middle of the city, accidentally doing it in the middle of a building, then doing it in the middle of a street.  Then I made a tunnel from the hole I was standing in to the hole in the city.  I'm not sure what happened to all the sand.

I flew through the tunnel to the hole entrance in the city, and made a white flag for peace and raised it out of the hole.  It got shot at.  A man in military uniform drew a pistol and fired into the hole.  I made a sealance, with only a little hole to talk through.  I remember that the town was called Rygara, and I had committed some crime, although I don't remember what.  Damn, I must be in a lot of trouble everywhere.  I think it had something to do with treason against the state or something.

Wait... maybe that city was located in a desert country somewhere.  Hmm.....

I sealed both ends off after negotiations broke down, and decided to get out.  As far as I know, I'm still hunkered in that underground area.

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Oh and next experience.  I was in some Spanish city, and there was this guy stalking me.  I confronted him, and he told me that he was sent to kill me because apparently I had destroyed his country, and that the survivors were bent on killing me or something.  Which... might... have been that city I was at the last time.

And also, before gym class started, I spent a few minutes... pulling the energy, I guess is the best way to say it, out of my legs, starting at the toes.  I got up to the knees before class started, and during the whole period we played soccer, and only those parts of my legs that I had "pulled energy out of" hurt like I had been on them for a long while.  Sort of like I was on them a long while, but not exactly.  What did I do?

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My thoughts wandered over to the subject of Archangels.  What the heck were they?  I thought, what about Arcahngel Gabriel, I hear so much about?  I heard "Yes?"

It was him... (wait a little bit for spoiler).  I remember we talked about stuff, and somethign wasn't quite right.

I thought about Michael too, and he came, (I'm not sure if I felt right with him either), and so did Metatron, Michael is sort of like a big brother to Gabriel, at lest that is what it sort of looked like.  Metatron looked like an experienced old man.  I'm sitting there thinking this is not real.  I, of all people, am talking to these people!

And it wasn't all heavenly, it was just a few angels, which has way too much connotation.  More like people with wings and a odd feeling or look to them.  No holy-spelling.

I decided to test if they were real, I gave them somethign to tell Anush (since I was guessing they knew her) and if Anush didn't remember it, they'd be fake, or they didn't keep up their end of the bargain at least, or Anush wants to screw with me.  I'm not saying what it is, I'll have to see if they were really them or not (which is questionable).

When I gave them the message, Gabriel started laughing and he went Boy you really had me going there! and started morphing into this tall dark thing, but Michael shot him with a gold-arrow which turned him into stone and Metatron picked him up and hauled him off.  It might have all been a staged act.

Then a little after that, the "real" Gabriel (who I felt to be more authentic this time, but I still don't know) came and talked to me for a while, I can't remember about what.

So!  I'm crazy.  Whoopee!

I also dreamed, I was in what seemed like a video game, where I spawned as about to be killed by a spider with one huge eye, and I had to stab it until it backed off, which it did every time after I got 3 "Tears of Hope" from it.  Then I'd go around killing zombies with my knife and maybe one time a chainsaw (I just remembered there was an ancient-looking highway involved in the dream, that may have been separate, but I remember killing a zombie on it) and collecting skulls until I died, at which point the whole thing'd start over again.

The second part was where I was with someone (don't remember who) and we went back to the forest near my house, but beyond the first line of trees it was cleared, and all that was left were some small mini-lakes and a stream.  I was really upset by this.  What's strange is that there weren't any houses beyond the forest, just a big stretch of grass.  I might have collected something from the forest.

Then after that I was walking down the street with a guy from my school who had pink eye, we were on the bridge near my house, and I was walking him down the street to a school, I remember I asked him about his eye.  When we got there, we went to the gym where we split up, and it was 2:15 in the after noon even though it was night outside and we were late.  I remember my class made these toy tanks, their barrel lengths corresponded to our ability to do something, like our fitness ability or something.  Mine was the shortest besides one other person I can't remember, it might have been someone I just thought of, a guy who likes to write a lot but never participates in gym, he's not fat, just lazy I guess.