More on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Indigo-Child-Dianne-Lancaster/dp/0972890432/ref=sr_1_1/002-2486735-7167258?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174073312&sr=1-1 Individual & Phone Consultations with Author Dianne Lancaster ewibookorder.htm Transforming Anger Into Love™ Training and Education Model ./model.html "Children are our greatest gift, our greatest challenge, our greatest teachers, and our greatest hope." -- Dianne Lancaster, Author Anger and the Indigo Child To contact the author: dianne@emotionalwellnessinstitute.org mailto:dianne@emotionalwellnessinstitute.org. This book is for parents, teachers and professionals. It helps understand, navigate and transform emotional patterns that compromise children's gifts and potential. Guidelines for Managing Anger guidelines.html Anger Management Questionnaire Angerquestionnaire.html

1. Say the word "love" a lot.

2. Be careful not to criticize; simply tell them a better way.

3. If you withdraw your attention, avoid withdrawing your love.

4. Teach the principles of "why," not just "what" to do or not do.

5. Discipline with love, especially if you are angry. If you "punish" or "take away," follow up with love.

6. Remember that children often reflect what they have or have not been taught.

7. Teach them to trust the truth by experiencing you as a model of the truth and a model of loving them for telling the truth.

8. Be patient, not just tolerant.

9. Ask them what they need from you, and do whatever you can to meet those needs.

10. When you are stressed and unavailable, help them know that your condition is about your life, not them, and reaffirm your love.

11. Remember that children often need love the most when they "deserve" it the least.

12. Listen to them, a lot. Avoid interrupting.

13. Help them learn the feeling of regret, not just to say they are sorry.

14. Apologize when you make a mistake or do something you regret.

15. Teach them about ethics and values and principles they can apply in choices and decision-making.

16. Never make fun of them, shame them, or blame them. It's not their "fault." It's an indication of what they need, or what they need to learn, or what they need to unlearn.

17. Tell them how much you like being with them, if you mean it. If you don't, examine what about the relationship dynamics at that moment or in general affects your not feeling that way. Then find a way to change that from within yourself.

18. Expect and support their best; don't expect or require perfection.

19. Avoid comparing them to anyone else; instead, help them develop their unique self and way of being.

20. Know that they will respect what you say if they respect who you are.

21. Encourage them to share and teach them to share but don't make them share. If they feel enough love in their life they will be able to share; if they cannot share, it means they need to feel more love.

22. Hug and touch them often when they are young. Hug and touch them as often as possible as they mature.

23. Help them learn the feeling of gratitude, not just to say thank you.

24. Give them space when they need it.

25. Praise more, criticize less.

26. Know that a child experiencing love will express love. A child who does not act loving needs to experience more love and feel more loved. Then that love will show up in the child's behavior. Until then, your trying to get the child's behavior to change may not work because the underlying message, and need, is about love.

27. Help children learn how and why to save money. Be an effective role model in this regard.

28. Avoid emphasizing how much something costs.

29. Help them discover what has meaning and purpose and feels good to them.

30. Keep the promises you make. If you do not keep your word, acknowledge that. Help them understand the circumstances or choices that precipitated the change in your plans. They will notice if not keeping your word becomes a pattern.

31. Answer their questions.

32. If you do not like their friends, teach them the qualities to look for in friends.

33. Go to their games and events; get to know their teachers and coaches.

34. Be consistent.

35. Let them tell you how they feel. Help them learn what their feelings are and how to express them.

36. Give them lots of compliments . . . and mean it. If you do not / cannot compliment them, examine why.

37. Suggest better behaviors when they act out. Teach first. Reward often. Be understanding. Punish last.

38. When they withdraw, offer love instead of demands or threats.

39. Nurture them with good food, prepare their favorite foods, and help them make good nutritional choices.

40. Teach them to be responsible according to their own developmental age. Avoid using them to do tasks that are your responsibility.

41. When you notice behavioral changes, be especially available so they can talk with you about what is going on.

42. Be understanding when they have a difficult day.

43. Teach them to be on time and to keep their word and their commitments - and model that for them.

44. Love them no matter what - and especially affirm your love when you are feeling angry. If you are feeling love for them at the time you express anger, your anger is safe. Otherwise, they experience anger as having the power to displace love. Then they will learn to fear anger - yours and their own - and potentially develop the pattern of suppressing anger, which in sufficient accumulation, can turn into rage.