Chinese Song
Defer Rains, 2010
Here I stand, in China.
I realize that my journey brought me here,
And curiously I let my Chinese friend,
A friend on the journey,
Tour me her residence.
In the living room a piano,
She flings the lid back
And begins playing
A sweet melody
About the happiness of
Home.
I can feel how happy she is
To have returned from our long travels.
Her emotion spreading all over the house,
Highlighting my actual status
Of being far from my home,
Foreign country.
I love this country, for its vibes, its different air,
I love its architecture, its vegetation, nature,
The smells, the colours, the sun, moon, stars,
They all are a different world,
Different from my own,
Different from my home.
Yet, I feel belonging in what some
Would call "God Vibration",
I can feel it here, even so far away,
Stringing itself through everything,
Signaling to me that I could adapt here,
I could become this place, too.
A man rushes in and urges me
To leave immediately,
That it's soon time to go.
I feel torn, don't know whether to leave
The girl, her home, explore on,
The strange world.
But the man insists, it's time to go,
Time to go, time to go...
I revolt, almost fearfully,
Questioning my free will,
But I can feel the force
Pulling me inwards.
In and in and in I go,
Till suddenly my eyes open -
I am awake, in bed, at "home",
I never left, it seems,
Left are the Chinese air,
The girl, her song, and my recalling
Another place, another time.
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almost desperate - almost broken,
towards the same day as before.
A distant part remembers promising
to never accept this kind of rush anymore.
Something unspeakable patting my back;
"This will be the last time any day will feel like this",
and even though I dreamt all I could -
running lost became all there is.
On my way towards emotions of turbulence,
I barely noticed the dream; the sea forming in the mist,
where some seals catched my desperate eye -
catched prayers missed.
A world of void takes place in me
and my heart races as if life is gone,
I'm staring at the seals,
but I haven't got long.
One of them looks back at me,
and a faithless wish strikes my mind.
A beg for the seal to not slip away,
to remain a symbol of what I can find.
Transcendely the seal is close to me,
eyes deep as the night, yet safe like a home -
and without recalling the meeting from the dream,
I faced the day not feeling alone.
Defer Rains, 2010
Naked again, have I withdrawn from society
To become initiated into a new path.
Now they stand in robes around me,
Praising something I cannot, yet, comprehend,
Their hair shaved off, and even now that I stand here
I wonder, if there is one true path for me.
The master of the convent holds the key
To initiation in his right hand,
He raises it up high for all to see.
What brought me here, the winds, the tides,
The floods, the beckoning of the sea inside of me?
I look as he brings the little worm towards me,
The ritual key, that has to be swallowed
Before I can be one of them.
My trembling heart rejoices about the newness
That this brings, yet, my gut feeling
Yells at me to leave this place,
Leave that dangling, naked little worm
I'm supposed to swallow,
Leave the false security of group initiation.
But I'm willing to make a mistake.
Suddenly a jolt - I wake up.
My bed feels warm and inviting,
The dream with the worm almost enticing
To return back to.
I left before they could initiate me.
My gut was stronger than my heart.