To be or not to be.. a starchild's ultimate decision.

Dear ones. It is with open heart and palms I come this day. At last, I find myself face to face with nothing but the ultimate question an honest Urantian must face: Is it worth suffering one more day here on this forsaken planet, or should I end it and proceed to the mansion worlds of my Father?Is it mere coincidence that immediately after/during my existential meltdown (when I dropped my entire life and ran away to hawaii two weeks ago), I discover this wonderful spiritual network?The more I learn of Earth's history and the infinite goodness of the universe, the more I wonder, is this some cosmic joke? The latest I've learned has been on this site. Apparently Reptoids altered human DNA so we only use one sixth of our capacity, virtually making us retarded and dooming the human race to the thousand of years and trillions of moments of intolerable suffering? For what? Some grand deitific purpose?Then again, one considers the fact that there is only one thing happening, God, and I am that. So all of this that pains me is my creation for my expansion purposes or whatever my God-self needs to experience. That makes it tolerable for about 30 seconds, then I think, well, this still hurts like hell, I may as well just end it and return to Source, since obviously death does not exist.Perhaps as a star-child I came here to assist earth's evolution. We are told that mission largely failed. So am I to master karma and meditation and depression and and diet and overcome all of the addictions and programming I've picked up here, simply to regain the knowledge that i already mastered? Again, why not just return to non-physical?I understand this planet is in a critical time and it may be exciting to be here now. And I don’t want to miss the ascension but I just don’t have the motivation to work to support the continuation of something that I do not want to exist anymore: the world as it is and me in it.Of course when I return to non physical I'll remember why I came here and possibly regret ending it prematurely, but at the moment I just can't seem to find reason.Forgive the negativity, I would love to see the world with the eyes of Christ. Perhaps this is the stepping stool I've set up for myself. Any comments are welcome. Many blessings and joy to you all~

Spot on Robby J. All of it.
As Jeshua/Sananda says in The Way of Mastery, the enlightened me is that which ALLOWS all things, trusts all things, embraces all things, and thus transcends all things. Yes I as well am hyper sensitive, and also stubborn :), which makes it difficult to accept darkness. Yet I suppose I can not overcome darkness until I accept it; until I love it. You are correct, the world, or as my new cherubim friend would say, the garden, is quite beautiful. I was once, and still am at heart, a supreme lover of nature. Perhaps with the changing of the seasons that love will be rekindled. Ahhh, smell the flowers,,, ahhh. Flow downstreammmm ahhhh feeel the breeeze :)
Thank you very much for offering your much needed wisdom, Robyn. Love and joy to you~

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katrine May 18, 2010 at 10:41pm

I just wrote my own thoughts on this, because I don't get the point of living. At the same time, I don't get the point of something higher than us either. It's hard for me to feel anything else but emptiness. You are welcome to read my discussion, I can relate to everything you write in this discussion! so stay alive a little longer, if not for you then for me, and let me know your thoughts more?
- Raphael > ☼Petar▲Truthseeker October 22, 2009 at 7:06pm
  
  Magnificent. Thank you. Indeed, today I feel the joy of a child. Innocence. Wonder. Perhaps I'll paint something bright today :) Namaste
- Raphael > ☼Petar▲Truthseeker October 22, 2009 at 12:12pm
  
  Spot on Robby J. All of it.
  As Jeshua/Sananda says in The Way of Mastery, the enlightened me is that which ALLOWS all things, trusts all things, embraces all things, and thus transcends all things. Yes I as well am hyper sensitive, and also stubborn :), which makes it difficult to accept darkness. Yet I suppose I can not overcome darkness until I accept it; until I love it. You are correct, the world, or as my new cherubim friend would say, the garden, is quite beautiful. I was once, and still am at heart, a supreme lover of nature. Perhaps with the changing of the seasons that love will be rekindled. Ahhh, smell the flowers,,, ahhh. Flow downstreammmm ahhhh feeel the breeeze :)
  Thank you very much for offering your much needed wisdom, Robyn. Love and joy to you~

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To be or not to be.. a starchild's ultimate decision.

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