So, since I am so swept off by this alien topic, I couldn't help myself and come to some conclusions while brainstorming with my loved one. I don't expect necessarily to be right about it, after all, I'm just speculating. But, we discussed the matter and came to these results.

There several things that don't quite add up when it comes to aliens, to me at least. Particularly the abduction phenomena. Everybody talks about how much more advanced they are compared to us. If that is so, then, why do their ''examination'' patterns seem so reudimentary and human-like? All these gadgets and the testing.

First of all, if they are much more intelligent than us, they wouldn't need 50+ years of consistent examination and study of the human race. They'd simply know immediately all that they need to know about us.

Secondly, highly evolved species obviously are able to develop higher tech. But, I do consider that spirituality is where real genius level intelligence comes from. So, in order for a species to be called much higher than our species, they'd need to have a much more expanded consciousness. Much higher consciousness means less likely to be hostile and to use rudimentary, crude responses to other species below. Also, less likely to see violence as an answer and also less likely to abuse or intervene in the course of the evolution of another species. This is simply a universal law that higher evolved beings automatically respect, from my own knowledge. Simply put, if I were a highly evovled alien, seeing how the humanity is today, I would NOT want to intervene, or even make myself known. I'd simply just stay out of their way and let them sort their own problems. I'd be extremely careful how I proceed to contact them and especially WHO. But the way the governments and the media portray them is pretty much very similar to humans, as a matter of fact, too human-like, mentality and behavior wise. The humans are basicly insulting their intelligence and wisdom and completely underestimate them, either on purpose or not. So, while I do believe they are here and they have their eyes on us, the real ones don't really make themselves known, and they're probably facepalming themselves every 5 minutes of watching us.

Also, I have heard about intelligence agencies being invovled in all of these abductions. And I believe that this may not actually be just some rumours or far fetched. This probably is the closest to the truth we can get. All these UFOs and stuff...There most likely are indeed some species of aliens cooperating with the governments and the affiliated agencies, but they must not be all that advanced in the first place. Humans are known to be cruel and capable to lack compassion for each other. The medical examinations that I read from abductee testimonies sound to be extremely rudimentary to me. Highly evolved alien species would not have such technology that would require to paralyze one and then perform painful proceedures on them. They would work on energy level, they wouldn't even have to kidnap the victim in order to do what they came for, nor would they need to put the victim through so much distress and pain. I only know of humans needing to physically come and take you, paralyze you or put you into sleep or some delerious (spell right?) which means, drugging one and then perform painful proceedures and tests on you.

I do believe that humanity's technology is actually much more advanced than we're lead to believe. Hence why I would not dissaprove if these ''UFO''s were actually human-made technology and all the gadgets that they use in order to abduct could be also human-made. I would really not be surprised about it. Your average person has never been exposed to such high tech and their brain cannot fathom such a world, therefore, to them, being in a UFO or seeing all that tech must mean it's other-wordly, and these entities play up to that and lay the blame on the aliens alone, to detract the attention from themselves. I would not be surprised, like I said earlier, if they would work hand in hand with a couple of not-to-much-more-evolved species of alien/s, hence why the abductees always see the other beings, although, there have been enough cases when they said that they saw humans piloting the ship or simply just being part of the crew. There also could be the possibility that the person who is being experimented on is drugged, and they might be just having hallucinations and such. After all, I hear some governments have mind-altering technology, and they can make you see and feel anything they want, and make it extremely convincing. But these are just two ideas.

And there it is, our leaders throwing the blame on the aliens and making them look bad to humanity. If I were an alien, I wouldn't want to come here for this reason alone, as well. What point is there in contacting and trying to communicate with a species that is stuck on survival mode and is in a constant perpetual state of fear of anything uknown and different? If I went there and contacted someone, I'd risk being retaliated with violence and hostility. There is no point and it would be counter-productive to my good-intentions, or neutral-ones. I wouldn't want this attention if I meant to simply cooperate, or much less, help. But like I said, highly evolved species do not intervene, unless explicitly asked to, which we aren't at that point in our evolution to ask for that unanimously.

So, shortly, I believe that our leaders and behind-the-scenes agencies are doing their best to spread misinformation and to detract us from the real problem, them, by creating paranoia, fear and hate for everything we do not understand. They lay the blame solely on the aliens' feet, no matter who they may be, while they carry on with their own programs and work.

I personally feel a sense of familiarity whenever I think about extraterrestrials. I don't believe that all of them have pure intentions, of course, but I do believe we should strive to understand them more before we let our fears take us over.

What I also dislike is that some beings who want to intervene or already do, or they keep chanting how we need them to help us for our evolutionary leap, they are undermining our capabilities as a species. They are basicly rendering us helpless and powerless, and that without a higher power, we can't make any progress. I call on that BS. We are much more capable than we are taught to think that we are. We are equipped with everything we need in order to go forward. What we lack is the right mentality for it, and that's what the lightworkers are working on improving, but they can't do it without cooperation and will. No truly evolved species would want to interfere in our evolutionary course at this point. We need to pick ourselves up and grow, not wait for other species to babysit us into it. If we aren't going to do it ourselves, who will? A species cannot trully grow and learn and progress unless they do it all themselves. And I would think the true aliens would know that, at least the ones that are truly much more evolved than us.

So yeah, these are my opinions as of now. They don't have to be true, nor do I expect them to be the truth. The truth is such a transparent thing...

It's been a while since I last wrote anything on here, so, here I am, back to writing yet another blog post. It's been a confusing road for me, but somehow, managed to see glimpses of hints into this dense fog which helped me approximately figure out where I stand right now and what it may be. The one thing that's been an important lesson for me to help me make another step forward was learning to trust my intuition and not my head. Funny how every time I listened to my head, I failed. That's not to say I am stupid, necessarily, although, I am aware I'm no genius, nor do I really want to be, but intuition's always been right. 

Yes, lesson number one in 2012 for me was listening to my intuition no matter what. It not only helped me avoid or get out of trouble, but also, it helped me in my spiritual path. It helped me realize things that had been confirmed later on, things I initially had doubted, but now I know better. 

Lesson two was getting rid of fear, and this stays. Actually, all of them stay, they all have their little sublessons that I probably will have to learn for the rest of my life. But this one, this one has been my biggest obstacle. Fear. Fear has always been my greatest problem: fear of unknown, fear of lack of security, fear of danger, fear of confusion and uncertainty. As someone who's grown up fearing lack of security and danger, it's been a very big challenge for me to get a grasp of this and keep it under control, much less eliminate it out of my system. There was nothing in the world that scared me more than the thought of future. Although I think about the future a lot, worry about it too, I must admit that I hate thinking about it, I hate that I think about it, but can't help it. This includes my spiritual progress process, when I don't know where I stand, my mind goes out of control and invades me with all kinds of ''What Ifs'', obssessive ''What Ifs''. I can't shut it down, or up. lol And this leads me to the next important lesson.

Lesson three, learning to shut my mind up and stop questioning everything to the point where I confuse myself to the point of panic and constant worry. I've learned that questioning everything will confuse me more, and will detract me from the important things I actually need to focus on. And then, suddenly, the lightbulb lit up, oh my god, the answer is actually very simple! 

Lesson four, learning to stop questioning, which will increase doubts within myself and will make me doubt my own Inner self, which will push me to look for answers where I shouldn't and where there are none for me: Outside. Basicly, learning to trust my intuition and, stop questioning and as a result, stop doubting. This is a combination of all the other lessons above. I perceive the doubts and questioning as a form of fear, a fear failing, but ironically, this fear itself is what detracts me from what I actually need to learn and do.

Finally, another lesson I perceived as a challenge: Paranoia mixed with fear. This one is another big one for me, because, even as a child, I've been afraid of the dark and have been aware of the spirit world. Of course, I didn't think it all in these terms, but having had my imagination filled with fear of demons and evil spirits and ghosts and religious paranoia, it's stuck to the back of my mind, which this made me paranoid and fearsome. Although I'm an adult now, I must say I'm still afraid of the dark. I just don't like it. Add to that the fact that I am extremely sensitive to energies around, I can feel another presence and even see, it hasn't helped me alienate my fears. I haven't always been this spiritual, although, I always had it in me. So, some might say that the paranoia might just create all these illusions to reinforce my fear. Umm yeah, there might be some truth to that, but as a teenager and in my early 20s, I wasn't much into all this, leaned more like on the realist side and I didn't even believe in ghosts or an afterlife for a while, especially after I got away from the clutches of the religion that I came out of. It felt good to be free. It came to a point where I actually started to doubt that there is even a God. I remember myself hearing of certain people saiyng that God is not a person, but an energy and it's everywhere. I thought to myself, what the hell is this? But somehow, I deep down felt that something about that makes sense and rings true. I was very confused so I prefered to not dwell in this. Until I had the involuntary, sudden astral projection at 19, and that's when my life changed, not to mention my views. Somehow I thought that maybe this was just a physical, medical thing, which I don't necessarily doubt it, it does have a physical effect too, but, I still knew better. Whatever happened, it was animated by subtle energies that affected me physically too, of course, as even our own bodies are energies. Everything influences everything, nothing acts separately. The things I had happen to me, though, weren't the peaceful kinds, but actually very scary. Point is, it's been a lesson for me to control my paranoia on this. I do believe that I will attract things according to what I focus my mind on. If I focus myself on paranoia and fear, I will attract that exact same thing, and it's what I will see. It's all up to me and, yeah, I create my own reality. It's been a lesson I had to learn and now trying to keep under control.

On the 21st of December, 2012, I didn't have a very good day, as someone played a mean prank on me that affected my emotional state that day. Nonetheless, still took some time to meditate at around 11. Just didn't wanna miss that big wave and felt it like a need. Still, this prank affected me much more than I thought it would and just went in a downward spiral for at least 2 weeks since. I thought I had failed myself and my spiritual mission, but, I realized that that was only an off-balance moment for me. Like a bump on the road, almost a challenge. Negativity took over me and I was scared because of that, but, here is lesson number five: Learning to accept the downs as well, and understand that it's part of me and part of being human, part of being alive and living. It's okay if I feel down, if I feel angry or anything else. It's okay, it doesn't mean I failed anything, it means I am human, and to understand certain things, I have to experience low frequencies too. I need to accept and integrate all the energies I feel and have within me, accept that they don't mean anything wrong, and then make my reality with them as I need to.

I've been focused on human sufferying for the past few weeks. Almost obssessively, I feel it as a need, that I have to read and watch things that I normally would not want to hear about. I've never been interested in drama movies about real-life events, they are depressing. Yet, I've only been watching such movies lately, almost as a need to see what people go through out there in the world, to what extent they suffer. It's not a pleasure, it's an odd need to KNOW these things. Despite that my own life hasn't been a walk in the park itself, I still feel that I've been protected all my life, both by invisible forces and obsessively by the people around me. I was born into a family of over-protective obssessive mother and sister, and I always felt suffocated by them, always wanted to get away from them. But, I realize now, they aren't like that for no reason, and their obsession to keep me safe away from the outside world has its own meaning and purpose. I met my beloved man, who turned out to be just as protective (and I can't complain about that, I love it and appreciate it). Pretty much almost every person in my life that's been close to me acted as though they took up a personal assignment into protecting me from the outside world no matter what. It's true, I am way sensitive and I do realize I wouldn't be able to handle a lot of the things a lot of people go through on a daily basis out there. My life has been a peaceful one compared to them and this made me appreciate what I have and ever had knowing that others have it incomparably much worse than me. I see those people as heroes, very brave ones. The things I've researched into lately have been making me angry and bitter, not to mention moody. But it feels as though someone is pushing me from behind, telling me, ''Look, look what they go through! You have to know all this! Look what they do to each other!''. I've always asked myself why humans do the things they do to hurt one another, either through complete ignorance and indifference or focused hate. I never understood this part of humanity, and sadly, it is a very big part of it.  I've experienced hate and pretty much a wide range of negativity from people in my life, to which I also responded with negativity, but somehow, I didn't really change, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. 

So, although I've been picking up a lot of negative energy not only from the immediate surroundings, but from all over the world, which's been affecting me quite a lot, I feel this is just another episode in my journey. I am at the stage where I have to consciously, with a neutral mind and a as compassionate heart as I can possibly withstand this, experience all these low frequency energies, taste them, feel them in ways I never did before, from a different standpoint, a different perspective, to help me understand what I'm dealing here with and to know how much of it is out there. How could I get to the top if I have no clue about what's at the bottom, right? How could I understand the top if I don't understand the bottom either? Yes, this is just an episode, a necessary one. 

I love Earth very much. I feel it as a unique opportunity for me to live here, it is a priviledge. It's such a beautiful planet, a beautiful conscience that has all the spectrum of energies all in it. From the low to the highest. So many colors, so many trials, so many challenges. It is a unique place to learn your lessons and I am honored to be here right now, although, sometimes I wish I'd just dissapear and go home, wherever that is, but I love this place very much, I think, more than I consciously realize. 

Another lesson I still need to work on is the fact that I tend to get angry and then fall into a pit of bitterness and criticizm. I realize that this is a form of psychic attack and I am not here to focus my energy on negativity and attack people with that, but in the contrary. Of course, being human and experiencing humanity isn't easy at all, but I believe I have all the tools to turn this around and make something positive of it. I am not perfect, and I accept that, always have, but this isn't an excuse for me to psychologically and spiritually hurt others, even if they hurt me. I am not here for that. And maybe this is one thing that's been holding me down and it's been making me feel like a failure, spiritually, but again, it's part of the lesson where I have to learn to integrate all of my aspects and accept them as one, accept the imperfection in that and make the best of it all. 

Anyway, this is where I am at right now. I know, I write a lot, but then, I don't often write on here, so might as well just make something long and thourough and express all I need to say and that's that. I am glad to know that there is one place I can share my journey thoughts openly, without any self restriction, although, I am sure some may not agree or judge in one way or another, like we all do. But I also know that each one of us has its own path and own lessons to learn, therefore, I cannot judge. Thank you for reading this and for the time you spent reading this. Sincerely, a child in the universe.

This is my story that I'd like to share with you. I'm a young woman from a Eastern European country, who grew up into a broken home. My mother had to support the whole family, as my dad didn't care about any of us at all. She took us kids and moved to a neighbour country. Dad promised he'd come and join us, but he lied, he never did. Our life has been tough, but we certainly managed. 

I've been a spiritual, really spiritual child since birth. I remember that I was fascinated with legends and myths. I was extremely imaginative and creative, but also really melancholic and quiet. Despite that I could hardly see my mother as well, because she had to work all the time, and had to go on trips to other cities, she got into some really big trouble. It was so serious, that she had to take me away from home and send me over to her sister for a whole year. That was probably the saddest, loneliest year of my life. Had to live in a small village with no friends at all. The school kids were rather harsh and sly with me, constantly asking for money from me, and if I didn't give any to them, they'd bully and even physically attack me. All because I was a city kid, and they thought I was rich. All of my girlfriends were looking to get things from me, and even steal. I'd sit in front of the house on the bench, be it winter in the cold, and compose poems about nature. Nature fascinated me to such a degree, that I thought it was a living being that actually listens and talks to me. And not only that, but it was extremely beautiful. I was really fascinated with nature, and have been ever since. I was 9 years old.

Growing up in the new country wasn't easy. Had to deal with all the discrimination related to the fact that I was an expat, and always remained so, even if I fully integrated. One thing I ever wanted was to find love. That's the thing I craved the most. 

My parents brought me into religion since early times. I remember I'd pray along with them, but I actually believed and enjoyed doing so. I believed strongly. At age 12, I started looking for the right church. Frequented a few, but didn't settle until I was 14, with the Mormon/LDS church. After a few years of maximum dedication, I started to question the beliefs. The church was putting a lot of restriction on its people, with many rules that were not even necessary, and counter-productive even. I started to question the actual history of it. The fact that people shunned me and treated me badly for the fact that I was just not faithful in a mechanical/robot way, made it easier for me to break free from it. I've always been a free spirit, and a warrior one at that. I always fought for my beliefs and my faith. I've always been hard to pin down as well, as church people tried to manipulate me into becoming as they saw fit, through using emotional blackmail and shaming/guilt tacticts. This made me wonder even more, and therefore, rebel more. All in all, I recall my church years as being very frustrating, lonely, depressing and desperate. Overall, miserable. I felt like a lion locked in a cage and constantly tormented. At 19, my closest friends backstabbed me, including my then best friend. They turned a lot of people against me and laughed at my problems simply because I was depressed. This feeling of having the world up against me lead me to a suicide attempt. After an excruciating experience, I came out new. I was empty and dead inside. Somehow, still went to church after 3 months later, because that was the only entourage I had. 

At 15, at church, at 10 pm, inside the villa that the church was, I turned off the lights in the hall and felt someone pass by me. It even moved the hair on the back of my neck. It was for the first time I officially felt a presence around me. I turned the lights back on real quick, but it was no one. At 19, shortly after the suicide attempt, one day, I was a little ill with a cold. Took a Paracetamol and went into my bed to relax. My mother was caring for me, but she had to go soon. I fell asleep rather very quick. As soon as I closed my eyes, I opened them half way, but the lights in the room were changed. The light colors were extremely bright, with rays coming out of them, and the dark ones were extremely dark, with also rays coming out of them, but jet black rays. The overall look of the room was cold. I felt as if I had been sleeping for so long, and felt as if I just woke up from a heavy hang over. I saw people passing by, all dressed in black suits, some were even transparent. Many were standing and watching me, others were just walking by. I saw my grandpa (that died before I was even born, but I had seen pictures of him). He didn't come to me, though, he just passed. There was, however, an old woman, but in good shape. She was thin, her skin was extremely pale, her eyes were icy light blue, looked like a Husky dog's. Her hair was jet black and straight almost to her shoulders. She was also dressed in a black suit. She was standing in the middle of the room, watching me with a fixated look. Three more came, looking just like her. I looked down at myself while stood up on my rear. Lifted my hands and stared at them. Noticed that the hands I was moving, which felt as real as the ones I am moving nw to type, were not my physical hands.My body was laying on the bed, with my hands resting along it. I realized I wasn't in my body anymore, but I was perfectly conscious and in control, just like I am now. I saw the 4 entities come towards me, surrounded me and grabbed me by my waist. They started to pull me up. The more they pulled, the more I felt I was losing my roots to this realm, the more I felt the material things around me, including the walls of my room, dissapear. I could see them all, but  an infinite space started feeling around me. The sky was pulling me up like a vacuum. I was afraid that if they had pulled me up completely, I would have been sucked up into the sky and never would have been able to come back, because I felt helpless. I also knew that it wasn't my time to die, and so I panicked. Started calling for mom, but my voice was weak. I still did my best. When I realized that she couldn't hear me, I felt so helpless and powerless, that a unique, desperate feeling took over me. My cat sensed something, and she became agitated. She went to mom, who was in another room, and meowed at her nervously. Mom asked her what was wrong, in a baby voice, and the cat basicly lead her to me. Mom saw me and grabbed my hand, calling my name. The entities ran away as soon as my mother came to wake me up. I felt how I actually got into my body, then saw black, then woke up in my physical body. Mother told me I was very pale and cold when she got to me.

I always remembered this experience. At first, I took it as something negative, but now I know that it was a wake-up call for me. It was time to Know. This was when I really was convinced of the Spirit world. I was convinced that there is a life after death, that there are other realms to this 3 dimensional one. And this is how it all began.

At 21, I got dumped by a young man I thought I loved. I was so heartbroken, that I had to go to a therapist. The moment she and I began our session, there was an enormous bond between us. She was extremely excited about me. She didn't even want to talk to me about my problem for which I came. She told me that my problem was trivial, puny, something I should not even ponder over. She told me that she knew what I was going through, at a grand scale, and how important I was at a spiritual level. She told me that she already knows who I am, what I am and what I'm here for, but that it is my journey to find out all this, all on my own. She suggested that I go to this library that she recommended where they only sell books on spiritualism and religion. My task was to pick a book on a topic that I intuitively felt I had to know. After some thinking time, I chose a book on Confucius. Further more, I began searching into Buddhism. During this time, I was still going to church on and off. I couldn't go every Sunday over there, as more than two weeks of attending church was starting to depress me again, so, I only went twice, two Sundays, and then a pause of four weeks or more, and so on. I searched into Buddhism and found out about the wheel of life, reincarnation, how this life is like a dream, that our souls have an age, that we spiritually progress through many lifetimes, not only this one. I began feeling curious about my own soul age, my own progress and where I am at with it. I wanted to know what my place is in the spiritual realm. To help me heal, my therapist re-arranged my chakras through a Reiki practice, as she is a Reiki practitioner. She even measured my energy's age (soul). I am not supposed to tell it, as she instructed, but we both were surprised and amazed about it. I took myself slowly. From buddhism, I came to the conclusion that religion/churches are what's been keeping me in one place, and what hurt my vibration quality, as they kept me frustrated, angry, depressed because of all the restrictions and guilt manipulation. I realized that religions aren't what they seem to be, and that they are actually poisonous to the soul. Slowly, I stopped going to church at all. 

I moved to Germany more than a year ago, where I also found the love of my life. I remember that my therapist told me that I was born at this time and age for a reason. I never knew what she meant by that. Finding him has been bringing more stability to my life, because love is beautiful. In the past year, my empathy level has increased dramatically. I'm more emotional than ever. I can't stand violence, hostility, injustice of any kind. When people, animals, nature suffer, it hurts me deep into my soul. It shakes me very hard that most of the times, I can't help myself but cry hard. My sleeping patterns changed dramatically. I even did what I could never do before: changed my diet to a no-meat one. I feel much better since I quit eating meat. I crave it still, but not nearly as much as I used to. Actually, I have energy, but I don't feel hungry at all, especially now. It's almost as if I feed myself with air. I have barely eaten anything in days, but I feel as though I've been eating regularly. I can't describe it, but it's different. When I meditate, I feel so close to nature. Actually, always. I feel Mother Earth as one. I feel I am part of it, one with it, and with the Universe. I sense animals as I do humans. They are like humans to me. The love I feel for nature, animals, is so different and great, that, every time I think about it, I feel it as a lost sibling that I forgot about, but that I deeply love. It almost has human-like qualities. Humanity...It frightens, dissapoints me, makes me bitter, angry, sad. I often feel hopeless when I think about it, but I am looking for those that have awakened. 

When I moved with my boyfriend into this new apartment, I have been seeing spirits here. Actually, I see them everywhere, occasionally. I hear, feel and see them. It's been driving me crazy for a time. Had to pretend like I am unbothered and serene, because otherwise, I felt that I was going to lose my mind if I kept thinking about them being here around me. I still see and feel them, but, from pretending that I don't see them, I've come to ignore tham outright. I know they are afraid of me, some, but they still watch me. 

I recently left Facebook and other sites that I would frequent. Opinions are part of me, and as I mentioned, I'm pretty much the warrior. But now, I feel that these things are becoming obstacles for me. I've fought all my life against the winds, when, in reality, you cannot change someone who is blind and deaf. I've also made mistakes myself, plenty, and I've always been ashamed of myself because of this. But I also know that without mistakes, one will never learn.

I also had a dream with me travelling from planet Earth, along with a partner, into another Earth, to solve a conflict between a group of people there. I know that was in its own way, a lucid dream.

My hearing, vision and senses have sharpened greatly. My intuition is extremely strong, so strong, that I feel certain people and where they are, what they do. I cannot be lied to, because somehow, I just know. Another odd thing is that I can influence electronics. Lightbulbs burn out(explode quickly, computers stop working, televisions as well. I was mad at my boyfriend, twice, for playing online too much, and I thought out for his Internet connection to stop working...and it actually stopped working immediately after that, each time. I see auras in everything. When I look at people, animals, plants, I see their aura, including my own.

Overall, I am slowly moving the right direction, I hope. It is very confusing, still, but I think that things are getting better. I'm only at the beginning. Still have a lot to learn, very much so. Things are getting more and more intense, and changes are being made.

One thing I know: I am free, as one should be. Everything I've ever learned has been turned upside down, or completely dismissed from my system. This journey is complicated and full of obstacles, but as I've learned, the Light is infinitly more powerful than the Dark, therefore, it will always win.

I know that we all are part of the Source, we came from there and we carry it inside us, deep within these dense layers of flesh. It's there, we are it, we are one with the Earth, everything on it and with the Universe. We are made of love, and this love is Light.