17 Memos From Your Child

1. Don't spoil me.  I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for - I'm only testing you.

 

2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me.  I prefer it.  It makes me feel more secure.

 

3. Don't let me form bad habits.  I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

 

4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am.  It only makes me behave stupidly "big".

 

5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it.  I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

 

6.  Don't make me feel that my mistakes are a sin.  It upsets my sense of values.

 

7.  Don't protect me from consequences.  I need to learn the painful way sometimes.

 

8. Don't be too upset when I say, "I hate you."  it isn't you I hate, but your power to thwart me.

 

9.  Don't nag.  If you do, I have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

 

10.  Don't take too much notice of my small ailments.  Sometimes, they get me the attention I need.

 

11.  Don't make rash promises.  Remember I feel badly let down when promises are broken.

 

12.  Don't be inconsistent.  That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

 

13.  Don't put me off when I ask questions.  If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

 

14.  Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible.  It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.

 

15.  Don't forget I love experimenting.  I could not get on without it, so please put up with it.

 

16.  Don't forget how quickly I am growing up.  It must be difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please try.

 

17.  Don't forget that I can't thrive without lots of understanding love, but I don't need to tell you, do I?

 

From the Washingtonian, published March 1990.

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Comments

  • Unfortunately, martial arts is no good to my son. He has an imbalance due to his hearing impairment. So far he has gotten through life with me letting people that abused him know that I know martial arts. I studied karate for 5 years. My son is very bright but won't go anywhere without me, has no friends, won't talk to anyone other than a few close friends of mine he has known for most of his life. He turns 17 in Augist never hangs down the street with friends, never does anything much and it concerns me.

    Anyway to wrap this up, I'm sick of the idiot that is captain silly-on and have decided to contact Ben and have my account removed.

    Thanks for your concern.

  • Thank you for that comment Leo!  It can be very hard on both parent and child when development is not done properly.  Perhaps your son would appreciate seeing this information re: development himself? =)
  • A nice message, and I liked Unlabeled  and Kel's contribution too.

    I have a hearing impaired son who went through so much abuse from his mother before he got kicked out and moved in with me at 14, and on top of that he got bullied so much at school that I withdrew him from schooling before he turned 15. He has no self confidence, is so very withdrawn and apologises for absolutely everything whenever I get annoyed, regardless of whether it's to do with him or not. If I say I've got a rotten migraine, he instantly says "sorry" and I'm having a hard time convincing him he doesn't have to apologise for things which are not his wrong doing. He was always abused for everything by his mother it's an automated response.

  • Practice for the kid, Zann?

    Hehe!

    Here:

    If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
    If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
    If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
    If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
    If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
    If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
    If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
    If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
    If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
    If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
    If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
    If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
    If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
    If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
    If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
    If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
    If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
    If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
    If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

    http://www.empowermentresources.com/info2/childrenlearn-long_versio...

    Children Learn What They Live -- Complete version.
    Children Learn What They Live, by Dorothy Law Nolte. This is the complete version.
  • Thanks Kelly!  That's beautiful!

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