Spiritual Blogs

Last night, I was going to bed. Unfortunately, I have an active imagination.

As I was lying in bed, I imagined I was in a cave, in a large spider's web, wrapped up, except for my face.

A large spider came upon me. It was sentient, and it could talk to me. It did. I knew in the first place that we had both agreed to be there, that I was there to learn. The spider detailed to me that we were going to see how well I reacted to pain. It explained to me that there was no situation that I couldn't handle, no test presented to me that I couldn't conquer. I found that I could communicate telepathically with it, since this was, after all, the realm of my imagination. I questioned it on whether this experience is real, or if it just part of my imagination. It said that I could choose to believe whether or not I was making this up to entertain myself, or if this was someone actually testing me. Naturally, this was an unpleasing answer, as I didn't know whether it was me or another entity (the spider) actually directing the experience.

If you don't know if you are actually directing your mind, it's at the least slightly unsettling.

The test, ostensibly, was to see how I reacted to pain. So, it cut my right big toe off. Now, as this is in my imagination, I couldn't actually feel the pain. I could imagine what it looked like, and what it felt like. I noticed that after a while there was an actual feeling of pain in the muscles and tendons associated with the big toe- it ran across the front of my foot, and up the inner side of my leg up to the knee. This really started to make me wonder if this is real, or if I am imagining it. Brr! The spider said, that for the moment, try to believe that it's real. The spider believed it was real, so I just kinda went along.

So, as my imaginary self was dealing with the pain, the spider told me that now I would have to grow my toe back. It said that he could grow my toe back for me, but the reason was to see if I could do it. Also, it was to see how unattached to the pain I could become. He said there was a difference between me and my body, that my body is simply a series of chemical and biological reactions, and that me - I - was simply experiencing the neural impulses that were sent to the brain, which is the attaching body for the soul or true "I". If I could interpret the vehicle differently, or become less attached to it, I wouldn't feel as much pain, if any at all.

He furthered the testing by sticking a needle under the nail of the toe right next to it. This time, I immediately started to feel a small amount of pain. He proceeded to stick 3 or 4 more needles straight through that toe. I remember that, to my imaginary self, I could very well experience that pain, and with each needle, I gritted my teeth very hard.

After that it stopped. It said that that was enough for me to deal with for now. It then proceeded to ramble about spirituality. It said that it, too, was on the "grand learning experience". I asked how did he know the term "grand learning experience" that I used; it was very unlikely that he would have come up with that term. In effect, he said that either I was constructing this entire experience from myself (and thus would know what terms I used), or that he was telepathic, or a combination of the two.

It held its hand in front of me. It was two or three 'fingers' attached to its arm. It said how we have an image of oneself, that we learn to associate with the body that we experience. This is simply a matter of belief. The spider said that it imagined itself as a spider, and that it was used to be a spider, and felt itself as being a spider. However, it had at least a partial mastery over its beliefs, and that, done correctly, it could change its self image based on how fast it could change its beliefs. It proceeded to change its hand to a human hand, with arm included. I wondered how the muscles on it connected to its spider forearm, and it said I don't know- I just know that I have a human hand right now. Then, it faded back to the original hand. It sighed; it had only partial mastery. The spider said it was capable of turning its entire self into a human, but he would still, for a while, believe he was a spider. If he did it long enough, and settled into the role, then it would come to think of itself as a human. Then, he would have just as hard a time thinking itself back into a spider. It would be easier, as it had experience being a spider; it was just a matter of belief.

We both noticed that most of the pain had subsided. The spider took a bucket of ticks and dumped it onto my right leg. For a little while, I could imagine them crawling around and biting me. There really wasn't that much pain associated with it. The spider remarked this as good; it proceeded to start eating the ticks off of my leg. The spider commented that as it believed it was a spider, it also necessarily believed that he could eat ticks and enjoy it. Naturally, this was disgusting to me, but I believed I was a human, that did not eat ticks. It was simply the biochemistry I was used to.

Then, it rambled again. I was wondering how exactly, that even if he believed he was a human, how could he change into one? I mean, I can believe that I am a cockroach, but all the Kafka in the world isn't going to turn me into one. He said it was about the 'programming', if you will. It's about how well you can control it. He never gave any specifics, but he said it was like trying to touch the sun in a video game. If you stand there and try to reach the sun by jumping up and putting up your hands, you won't accomplish anything. But, if you know how to change the basic programming, you can do it. You can change the game so that you are incredibly huge, that the earth is as big as your foot, and you could walk over and reach the sun. Or, you could make it so that you you can fly, and you could fly over to the sun. Or, that you could, on command, any where in the universe, and reach it that way. Or, you could change the perspective ratios, and you could simply reach up and grab the sun and cradle it in your hands. But, by playing by the rules of the game, it's nigh impossible that by jumping up that you'll be able to touch it. You might accidentally get in on someone else's change to the programming, but other wise, you're just wasting your energy. He said that most of us are Gamers, down here on Earth. We participate by the rules, and have fun playing the game. After all, it's the only thing we know to do. But there are a few who can also mess with the fundamental programming, and change the game's rules, at least as far as they can. It's impossible to change the rules that everyone plays by; only the ones that affect you. This was a big analogy, I gathered, that wasn't quite exactly how it worked, but explained it pretty well.

He said that for right now, my testing was over. So, my imagination wandered for a while.

In the middle of something, I noticed that I was back in the cave, with a sword about to puncture my chest. It struck, and immediately in real-time I had trouble breathing. I knew that I was experiencing pain on a different level, thus making it hard for me to breathe here; my chest constricted. The spider said that this was another test, and it proceeded to put another 4 or 5 swords in my chest, each of which my body reacted to. By now, I realized there was not that much pain associated with the swords; however, my physical body still reacted to them. I wondered still if this was real or my imagination. The spider said that I was doing well, to not be feeling pain. Eventually, the breathing came back, and the swords were removed. The spider then told me to focus on healing the toe, and growing it back. I did, for about fifteen seconds, and the pain in my body associated with the toe started to fade away. The toe felt... back, like it had come back into place. The spider congratulated me. After a little more rambling, the day dream ended.

A little while later, I reflected on how if there was one choice in the beginning, that started the whole universe, the there were two possibilities; then, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, and so on many choices, corresponding to the number of choices made. By this point, there must be like 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 many possibilities, which kinda represents the thought that there are infinite possibilities.

Then, my mind wandered, and eventually, I fell asleep.

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