So I followed my intuition and found some things that I am glad I now know, but that now are haunting me instead. I am in a relationship with a person who acted like he was interested in me, but turns out, in the past, it was simply a feeling of obligation and fear that I would hurt our baby that made him stay with me. He is still with me after I confronted him about all of this, which could be seen as him actually seeing something in me, or could as well mean that he is still lying to me and staying with me because he feels obligated, to me, or the baby. I think it is worth mentioning that I was never any danger to our baby - I had no depression and pretty much no mood swings during the pregnancy, and the birth that I was a little worried would spur some old issues with depression, didn't. I made it as a single mom for the first 2 months without any depression. I've found myself to be a lot stronger than I thought I was. But yeah, here I am, with a guy who lied me straight into my face, even when I confronted him straight out. I voiced my thoughts on him only being with me for the baby, and he told me that he would never be that stupid. I had to be "crazy" and do some digging to get to know the truth and for him to step up to what he did.
So my real issue right now is "trust". I have often felt that it would be better for me to just get out and open myself up to that relationship that completes me, where I am appreciated for who I am and where someone sees the light in me (unlike this guy who actually seemed convinced I would hurt the baby - which I would never do) - but I keep wanting to be with this guy - which is why he has been able to lie to me so many times and I've bought into it - I wanted to believe in what he told me, rather than what he was showing me.. And here I am, wanting to trust him, yet with our past, it is probably not all too hard to see why I wouldn't. I get stuck - my trusting nature was what made me buy into his lies in the first place, yet that is exactly what I should do now, trust? I want to let go of fears, of control, but how?
I'm trying to find the thoughts, the mindset, to make it all work. I spend a lot of time making sure I take good care of myself, in order to keep me from getting depressed about this all.
I try to just simply say "Great things come to me" and let go to the universe to work out the details. I've tried to tell myself that it is without of my control what he does, to relax and let go, but that hasn't worked for me - I feel that protecting my feelings IS up to me, so if his actions has the power to hurt me, if he matters to me, then it is my duty towards myself to be on my guard and protect myself if I see a storm coming.
Yesterday I watched something on TV that gave me this insight - it is almost as if I have this phobia - a phobia of being left. Not that I am afraid of being alone, but I am spending a lot of time trying to find coping behaviors and looking for signs that I need to run or defend myself. It consumes me and makes my life stressful - and I don't want this anymore - but I can't find the key out.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Namaste,
Joneya
Comments
As Katt said, trust yourself first! it is very important! But at the same time we also must trust people, as we can´t live isolated suspicious of everybody. At times we will feel disappointed and sad when the "trust" is broken, but we should try to understand that no one is perfect. Just like you, your partner and everybody else are in the same journey (whether they know about it or not) of self-discovery and we should avoid feelings of judgment toward people (however the issue should certainly be addressed to avoid further negative feelings and only you can decide about the steps to be taken). The same way it is important to eliminate feelings of "guilt" and "pity" toward ourselves. We are all great beings going through different levels of experience, but the utmost goal is the same for all of us. How long or smooth is the road that you are going to walk depends on you alone. If something don´t go as expected, don´t regret about it, there is no such things as "right or "wrong" situation, as it is exactly the kind of experience that you are supposed to learn with.
And to learn and to grow is necessary to face our fears, not scape from them, or we will have a hard time to figure it out why some things are not working in a (seemingly) positive way.
But know that the positive is ALWAYS there!
I found the following "guideline" here on this site and it might be of help. It is pretty much in line with the teachings that you will find from the beings that have gone all the way to the end of the journey.
Blessings!
16 PRACTICAL STEPS TO RAISE YOUR VIBRATION
Raising your vibration is absolutely necessary for you to get to the life you truly want to live. While you are emitting a low vibration or frequency your life will never really be in harmony and you will constantly live with an inner feeling of discontent. It is this life of discontent that you put up with and accept that keeps you in a state of low vibration. When you find the courage to do something about your low quality of life and choose to make things better you are on the right track to raising your vibration. Raising your vibration comes down to many factors and listed below are 15 key steps that will definitely help towards raising your vibration immediately.
1. Manage your thoughts. Be mindful of your thoughts, when raising your vibration. It is imperative to keep a close eye on the habitual thoughts that enter your head. It can be difficult at first to be aware of the many thoughts that constantly bombard your mind all day long but by beginning to notice unwelcome or negative thoughts you can start to replace them with a positive thought you already have preprogrammed in your mind, this works wonders towards raising your vibration. When I say preprogrammed I mean you have a positive thought in your mind, a thought that you know makes you happy, that you substitute in place of any negative thought that comes into your mind. The key to this thought substitution is to spend as much time thinking positive thoughts and less time thinking negative thoughts. By spending more mental time in the positive, this will help raise your vibration.
2. Watch your words. Only talk about what you want, not what you do not want when looking to raise your vibration. If you are looking for a new relationship, don’t say things like, I can never find the right person for me. If you talk like this, this is exactly what you will get and you will make your quest towards raising your vibration that much harder. You get what you say and think. Even if you haven’t been too successful in finding the right person previously, it does not matter. Change your words and you will change your life and what you get in your life. Instead say something like, I intend to find the perfect person for me. Have a confident expectancy that at any time you could meet this person and you will exponentially increase your chances of finding them. The same thing goes for money, do not talk about not having enough money, either do not talk about it at all or only talk positively about having money and as what you want comes to you, this will help with raising your vibration as you feel better about yourself.
3. Stay away from negative or pessimistic people. These types of people are running a very low vibration and their low vibration can have a negative impact on your vibration level. Instead of raising your vibration you will lower it and this will bring about more events residing on a low vibration, like problems, stress and worry. You will find that having negative people in your house leaves behind low frequencies.
4. Spend some time not thinking. Yes that is right, stop thinking so much. To do this I like to take a walk through the bush or away from the city and the noise. Go to a place in the country if you can and take a long walk, concentrating on your surroundings, keeping your mind off your usual thoughts. This is a great way to clear your head and also help in raising your vibration. If you cannot get away, try listening to some soothing music and avoid thinking by concentrating on the sounds.
5. Join groups of like minded people. Spend time with people interested in the same things you like and learn at the same time. Before I started writing for my website I took a 3 months community college course in Writing. Not only did I improve my writing I also got to spend time with other people who shared a similar interest with me. I always walked away from each class feeling positive about being a writer and this had a positive effect on my vibration as it made me feel good about myself. Being around like minded and positive people seriously helps towards raising your vibration and the vibration of those around you.
6. Give away something you can afford each week. Give away your time, some money to a charity you believe in or give away something you don’t use anymore but may be useful to someone else.
Don't underestimate the effect a loving action can have on someone. Know someone who is quietly struggling for a good cause ? - give them a kind word, some encouragement - sometimes even just a simple "thank You" is sufficient. What you give is what you get in life, so by giving you will receive in one way or another. Help others and you will be helped. You have a profound effect on raising your vibration when you help others as it makes you feel good from the inside.
7. Be aware of your actions. Everything you do comes back to you in some way so always be wary of how you treat others and how you act in all situations. How you treat others is how you will be treated, by doing the right thing by everyone you come into contact with will help towards raising your vibration as others continue to do the right thing by you. Treating everyone well will have a positive effect on attracting people and opportunities into your life.
8. Avoid the television, radio and media in general. It is especially important to avoid all news programs as they do much more harm to your vibration level than they do good. By watching TV you end up taking in so much negative energy it becomes confusing to your subconscious mind and some of that negative imagery and energy gets absorbed by your subconscious and elevates a feeling of fear from within. Most of the media works by fear mongering, they want to shock you into a state of fear so you keep on watching and the more you watch the more addicted you become. This has a disastrous impact on your vibration level.
9. Stay optimistic at all times if your goal is to raise your vibration. This can be difficult to do especially when you are in a crisis but when you are in a crisis situation, this is when it is most important to stay positive. By remaining positive you keep your vibration high and when you are vibrating at a higher rate your problems will dissipate so much quicker or you may find it was not really a problem at all. Positive things and events are attracted to positive people. Surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to remain in a positive state of mind.
10. Stay in touch with your feelings. This is the most important factor in keeping your vibration level high. Your feelings are the cosmic glue in regards to your entire life. When you are feeling good about yourself only other things residing on the same good frequency will be attracted into your life. Your level of vibration runs parallel with your feelings, meaning you are in control of your life and the events that come into your life at any given moment. If there was one most important point in relation to raising your vibration it would be to stay on top of your feelings and do not allow yourself to feel negative or pessimistic. The better you feel about yourself and your life the higher you will raise your vibration.
11. Purify your body. Toxins lower your energy and your vibration, so if you can, remove cigarettes, alcohol, animal products, refined foods, pesticides, and smog/pollution from your life. Instead, eat fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, seeds, and try to buy organic wherever possible. Live where the air is fresh and people aren’t blowing smoke at you.
12. Take a social inventory. I read in a book once that whichever 6 people you spend the most time with you are most likely to emulate. So who are you hanging around with? Who do you spend the most time with? What are they like? Are they honest, hard working, highly aware people who are peaceful, loving, kind and compassionate? Or are they pessimistic, argumentative, greedy, selfish louts who lie, cheat, and steal their way through life? If you’re around people who vibrate at a low frequency, you’ll be hard pressed to keep your energy high.
13. Meditate. Meditation will raise your vibration. When you quiet your mind it gives Source an opportunity to reach you. All you have to do is listen. You don’t have to chant and sit in a funny position that will cause your feet to fall asleep. Just sit in a chair or lie in your bed, take some deep breaths, do a visual meditation or just quiet your mind. Start asking questions and see if you hear any answers.
14. Practice compassion. When you genuinely and compassionately help others you automatically raise your vibration. There have been times when I’ve gotten some bad news, or I’m upset, but I’ve learned that when I’m “in my stuff” as my friend calls it, that the best way for me to break out of the negative is to remember how blessed I am and help someone less fortunate than myself.
15. Journal. Self-discovery is awesome! It definitely raises your vibration. When you know that you are the only one in the world who will read your journal (it is password protected) then you feel safe to explore your own psyche. I’ve learned a lot about myself through journaling and I really recommend it. Once you get going you might even be able to channel messages from your higher self. And the best part is you have a written record that you can actually search through when you want to find something you wrote years ago (and that beats looking through a handwritten diary or journal!).
16. Seek out that which "warms your heart" - or "find your excitement" (not your addiction!).
If you don't have a dream, get one and if you do, don't let go of it.
Again, these are just a few ways to increase your vibration. Listening to music, exercising, and volunteering your time will work too. Anything you do that taps into your heart and your joy will raise your vibration.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Nelson Mandela
I used to not trust my instinct - in part because I wanted to believe what he told me was right, but also because I wasn't strong enough in myself that when he told me it was all in my head and I was insecure and what not. Now when I get insecure he can't pull the "you're just being insecure" card on me anymore - no more guilt tripping - because he did lie to me, I proved it, and now I know my instincts were right. I didn't trust my instincts without the truth, but now I do. It's just hard to know what I want to do from here - when I "feel" he is telling me the truth, that scar acts up and tells me that I used to trust him about other things as well, and look where that lead me. So I do have a hard time trusting myself, since I trusted him blindly before.