Today my heart is kind of heavy! One of my beloved animals has passed away today...Xzai-On could feel my pain. He comforted me with thelepasy like allways. He said he was sad that my old little lady was sick. I think he knew what was coming cause he told me to bee strong! But still gave me a little hope that she would make it! I think he knew what was coming but wanted to give me a small hope enyways. I started to feel beter after a while when he was conforting me telepaticly...
I have noticed that sometimes when i meditate my body turns like cooked spagetti...hahaha. Specially if i meditate in long periods. So I think maby would bee an idea to meditate when you are lying down in the bed or on the floor or something. I sometimes when I am meditating under the stars I stand and meditate. But I am sure that if I meditated standing in 15 minutes I would maby colaps and fall down...hahaha. So I think i for now on do the long meditations in bed or on the floor.
One memory came into my mind today and i started to laugh..12 years back I was in a nightclub just for fun to dance! I have allways loved to dance. But they have started to have so crap music at the nightclub this days that i do not feel to go out to dance! I rather listen to my mp3 and dance at home then.
Well enyway, I started to get bored there. The music was started to get shit and nothing seemed to happen. I was almost dying of boredom. So I decided to take my last salmiakki koskenkorva snaps (I never take more than 2 koskenkorva snapps or coccktails, What is the point to spoil the day by making an asshole of yourselfe by drinking to much! What´s the point in making you sick the following morning with bad hangover. Never been my style). Well I went to the bar and stood there waiting I noticed this guy sitting in the barstool looking at me! He had long black hair....NO it was not Xzai-On...hahaha...NO NO! He might have had long black hair and hassel brown hair but was defenitely not Xzai-On. Also Xzai-On has taned skin and not pale! However this guys looked kind of goth too. Well I ordered my drink and was joking a little with the bartender so that the both bartender and the goth guy started to laugh loudly! I got my drink and turned around and met that goth mans face. I was looking at him for a while when he was laughing! I noticed his teeth. He had very nice looking teeth but it was something else that cought my eye! It was two of his teeth that cought my eye! They where pretty long and sharp! Then I suddenly could hear myselfe saying " Damn, you got some seriously hot and sexy fangs!" He bursted in a hystericall laugh and he said "Well thank you! You must bee the first woman that has ever comented about my teeth!" LOL I felt embaresed. I just went quickly out of there! I could not bealive that I had comented something like that! I was wondering at that time If one class salmiakki koskenkorva would have been enough. How can I Make fool out of myselfe with only one drink. This days I just laughs at it! I have never seen that guy again, but man, he had some seriously sexy fangs....LOL
I wish I could someday make a nightclub where I could bee the Dj. I have allways wanted to bee aighter actress,photo modell,Dj, archeologist or astronomer and even one day go for a little galactive drive in a small spaceship...that is something I would like and love!
But at it is now the 3D world prefers to look at women that has silicons babes and not on the natural beaty and they prefer them as skinny as possible so they look more unhealthy than healthy. At least that is my opinion and more or less off them are tall legged! That is not fair! It is unfair. Do not you think that dwarfs want to see hot and sexy dwarf ladies for example! This system that they have today is idiotic when there is lots of hot short women and dwarf women out there.
I wish I could someday make a photo studio and my models would have bodies that are not fake, meaning no silicon and no body that look like bones. No there have to bee curves and meat! I can´t even stand the fashion models that are men. They are simply to horrible skinny! They do not look healthy at all, they look sick! No, my models should have meat and muscles so that you can see it is a healthy guy. same with the women, some meat and curves on their skin...
No wonder that there are so meeny teens and women with eating disorder today with all thous bony models. In the old times in the ancient times the women looked more healthier and had some meat in their bodies and did sertainly not look like living sceletons...Descusting! Some poeple would probably say I would say like this because of jailousy...that is propostrous...Defenitely not! I would NOT like to bee under 56 kilos. I used to bee 48 kilos as a teen.but man I looked horrible...Looked like I Hardly ate enything and all. When I saw that picture I thought to myselfe never ever under 56 kilos.. I feal great with some meat on my body and would bee scared to death if I looked at the mirror and I would bee like skin and bones...Horrible thought!
Yes, it was my wish to become photomodell when I was young but that was not to bee cause I was simply to short...I am natural born in acting and they where realy satisfyed with me in the teathre school. but for some strange reson I was kicked out from class for good just because I had to go visit the dentist to tighten my braces...so I ended upp in art school where I started to paint vampires and realy descusting once too...It was my way to get rid of my anger and disapointmenst....Lets say, it was little in the style with inca and aztek scryfieses when they cut the beating heart ou! Something similar to that was my paintings...I think it was to much for my teacher to handle cause she looked extremly descusted.
Archeologist I would have enjoyed to become, but I have never been in gymnasium witch you have to take first before you even go study to become and archeologist and the study is way to long for me.
I remember when I was in 6th grade in school we had about ancient god in history class...Guess who was the one with full points in that test "Wisteling". Me of cause! The only one in the whoul class. Most of my class mates got faul or just and just enough points to get qualified in that test. Naturally they started to call me bookworm! I had not even hardly been studying to that test even. It just came so naturaly and also ancient gods has been of huge interest of me...
I remember one time on our religion class our teacher was laughing at jesus picture and said that this is how they bealive jesus looked like. I got offended and very furious and angry! Thous who thinks Jesus was blond and had blue eyes are idiots. Do you SERIOUSLY think that they had blonds in Jerusalem at that time. Naturally he had brown eyes and darkbrown hair!
Guess what, I got kicked out just because of that....Even today i get irritated when i remember his laugh and how he made fun out of Jesus looks in that picture in that book.
Well that was the past,now it is coming golden age and a peacfull, loving future with full of harmony!
LOVE AND LIGHT EVERYONE!
I LOVE YOU GFL and you too Xzai-On....
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