I've asked myself for years, How nice am I really down deep in my heart of hearts. Over the years I think I have been nicer then not but I can't say I'm to proud of the not parts.
I have a warped since of humor to begin with and sarcasm is no stranger to me so people often look at me as if I'd lost my mind. Well I haven't I know exactly who I left it with, (safe keeping and all ). In general I've come a long way in learning tolerance for other peoples quirks and toning mine down.
I've gone through a lot in my life, from being a insecure teen in junior high to being secure in high school. Then as a young woman I started out secure and got beat back to insecurity, with a side of depression and humiliation for the add bonuses. Then I met my present husband ( having gone through 2 already) I began slowly to gain confidence in myself as a human being worth some ones respect and love. I have gained some of my old confidence back but it will never again be the innocent youthful confidence I once had. After two abusive marriages , 1st one physically and mentally, 2nd one mentally, and a life time with a family that couldn't pull their heads from their ass with a crowbar, and bad health, it's a wonder that I can find joy just about any where.
I've learned that no one else can be responsible for the joy, laughter and peace I need everyday. My husband is a good man but he can't make me happy every minute of everyday. WOW what a burden for some poor human schmuck stuck with the task of making some one happy simply because they fell in love. What he did do was take on a messed up person, help me search myself until one day I recognized me again, found my since of humor and just loved me no matter what my problems where or how mean I was ( I could be mean ). Trusting people especially family was very hard for me, but he patiently taught me to trust again.
In the last 15 years the Lord ( you call it what you will, I call Him God ) has taught me it's not ok to be a bitch just because life is. I had to change the way I think in order to change the way I reacted around other souls. It wasn't ok to be a bitch to a phone solicitor. The Lord let me see the other side of that career when I worked for a phone room raising money for abused kids. You have to be tough skinned to work in a phone room, so I learned. Road rage isn't ok. It makes me nervous to drive with a person who has road rage. My husband has it. He is so busy yelling at the other drivers that he isn't really paying attention to his. He's had to slam on the brakes more then once, throwing me forward and hurting me. I've learned to take a book where every he takes me and read while he drives. My sisters are worse, and my mother slams on her breaks at the last possible moment. These are their problems, I can't fix them, don't wanna stress over them, so I had to change me. Believe it or not the book works for me.
I can't change any one but me, but I think I kinda like the me as I am now and am looking forward to growing more as a compassionate soul. I tell God everyday more of you and less of me God. I want to be filled with more of His unconditional love, more compassion, and more peace so I can give it out more abundantly. I want to see through Gods eyes because humans mostly suck (including me). For me it all began with changing my thoughts and saying “ BY AN ACT OF MY WILL, I CHOOSE”
Everyday I search myself and if I come across something I'm better off without I begin again changing my thoughts and an act of my will. The Bible gave me a key to the kingdom of heaven, actually a key to anything I wished to accomplish.
1. BELEIVE IT WITH YOUR HEART (anything)
2. SPEAK IT WITH YOUR MOUTH (what you are believing for)
3. WALK IT OUT WITH YOUR FEET (as if the first two are already done)
Comments
Great post Mel, You are brining a lot of profound truths out into the open with your story about road rage etc... I've dealt with a lot of anger/frustration too, learning to control it, learning to transform it. Some people are definitely in different places mentally than others. I think you're on the right train of thought by changing yourself within.
Honestly it would stress me out so much if I had to be in a vehicle with a person in control of the wheel with road rage, but more deeply, I think it shows the lack of control that people have over their own emotions and the lack of control we have when we allow ourselves to be put in a potentially dangerous position with an angry driver.
I would probably just honestly state to the person they if they can drive in a calm(er) way, then I won't be riding with them... lol :) Maybe that's extreme... :)
Keep up the good works with your own inner development, it does change your surroundings in profound way. We can do amazingly great things with our intent. :)
Namaste ~