Spiritual Blogs

By Shelly Bullard:

There's a huge mistake that many people make when it comes to finding love. In this article, I'm going to tell you what that mistake is, and how to change it so you can attract the relationship you want.

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to finding love is: They believe a relationship is going to complete them.

What I mean is: You think something's missing in your life, and another person will make that feeling go away.

You think that a relationship is the key to you being happy.

If you think this way (even just a little bit), I'm sorry to tell you that this is not the case. In fact, this mindset is sabotaging your experience in love. Here's why:

1. Other people can feel it when you have anxiety about finding love.

Any time you approach a relationship from a sense of emptiness inside — like something is missing and you're trying to fill a hole — it will be sensed by the people you're dating. And it won't feel good to them.

When you're confident, your vibe goes something like this:"It's nice to meet you, and we'll see if I want to continue spending time with you."Cool, calm, collected, and probably pretty intriguing.

But when you have that underlying feeling of needing to find a relationship, your entire vibe changes. It feels more like this: "Do you like me?"

Energetically, it's not attractive. In fact, it has the opposite effect on people; it repels them away. And this is a big problem if you're looking for love.

2. You attract experiences that match how you're feeling on the inside.

If you feel like something's missing in your life, then your experience will bring you proof that this perception is true.

For example, if you're preoccupied with finding a partner and hyper-focused on not having one, you'll continue to see the same results of not having a partner. The experience will appear in two specific ways: You'll either remain single, or find a relationship that keeps you unfulfilled.

That's probably not the outcome you're looking for if you desire a loving partnership.

So, knowing all this, what can you do about it? How can you change to feel more secure, at ease, present and confident when you're looking for love?

You start by searching for the feelings you think a relationship will bring you, inside yourself.

I know that at first you might be skeptical — you may think it's impossible to feel connected, loved, held and taken care of without a partner. But I promise you that you can.

The most beautiful thing about this process is that once you find these feelings inside of you, you'll be much more likely to find them in a relationship, too.

People tend overcomplicate this experience, which is referred to as self-love. And while the mind might have a hard time making sense of it, if you take a moment to drop into your heart, it will know exactly what I mean.

Self-love is simply a sense of finding peace, happiness, contentment, acceptance, and love inside of you.

It requires a quite mind, an open heart, and a connection to your inner voice.

You find self-love in a yoga practice.

You find self-love when you meditate.

You find self-love when you journal, go to therapy, and get to know yourself.

You find self-love by setting aside quite time to just be with you.

You have to feel good before you find a partner if you want the relationship to feel good, too.

By creating a practice of finding peace, strength, happiness, and fulfillment within, the sense of needing something outside of you to feel good will start to disappear. And when this happens, ironically, everything you've always wanted, including an incredible relationship, will make their way to you.

About the author: Shelly Bullard, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist turned Love Coach. In her personal experience, she transformed her patterns of over-giving and feeling burnt-out in relationships, to feeling incredibly full, empowered, worthy, and adored when it comes to men and romantic love. She is passionate about guiding women on a similar path -- helping those who feel disappointed and let down by love to find fullness within, making them totally irresistible to others, and life completely irresistible to them.

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