Spiritual Blogs

Hello everyone!

Well, I've had plenty of fun reading up on each and everyones blogs, interests, concerns, and such, and I've even delved into some nice fun heated debates.  Passion is the fire that inspires change, so any heated debate made in this loving forum I find almost always leads to personal growth and positive change.

So, that being said - I felt It was time for me to start sharing my own insights, perspectives, points of view, concerns, and such, so that others may join me in heated debate and inspire change in me, as well as themselves.

Having been raised everywhere, yet having no place to call home.  Having loving family members that are seemingly stuck in their own minds and unable to pierce the veil of togetherness, leaving me drained and empty as I constantly try to fill in the gaps between those I love so that they may find peace.  Having my foundation of family torn to shreds as I realized even the polarized group that I thought worked well enough to stick together went flying apart due to lies and in-discrepancies, proving that not even marriage was sacred.  I found myself realizing one constant truth:

Everyone thinks they are right, yet nobody is.

This applied especially to myself, as I scrambled to re-arrange pieces of the truth as they came flying at me from the veiled minds of those around me.  The more diverse their opinions, and the more shocking it was, the more excited I became as I found more and more pieces of a truth I was desperately trying to put together.

I found almost everything I could.  The physics were there.  The psychology was there.  The music was there.  The philosophy was there.  The theology was there in the form of spirituality - I could not adhere to any one church because they were so darn stubborn about being the only truth out there, and if there is one thing I can not stand is conceitedness.  I was ready to go out to the world and help others find truth.

Yet there was a truth inside me that I had not been able to find.  I was able to spend my entire life's breath ensuring that those around me found peace, because that was the only thing that brought me peace.  I could not stand to suffering due to a misunderstanding or through the misuse of "personal wealth."  I got in trouble many times for giving away the things my parents gave to me, because I saw the need in others and gave accordingly.

I could not find love.  I gave so that I could give peace.  But I could not find peace myself.  I felt selfish to ask for anything, having received so much and having seen so many have so little in the slums of thailand and mexico.  when I was 5, I already knew I could never ask anything of anyone ever again, as there were so many in the world that had nothing and nobody to ask, it would be sinful of me to do so.  I thought that would be enough to find peace - but each time I thought love had found me, I found it using me, abusing me, twisting my words and warping my thoughts.  I could not just be nice - I was once broken up with because I was too nice and she felt that she could not keep up.  Can you believe that?  I didn't know what to think - so I put it aside in my mind, like the many other things in my life that didn't make sense to me.  

But I can no longer put these things aside.  I have denied myself my true capabilities and power because I was taught at an early age that I was stupid, and that at least I was nice.  It turns out I'm smarter than the average bear, and nicer too, and I refuse to be dragged down into a pit of self-doubt and despair again.

I move to sunny climates in about a month, and am looking forward to EXTENDED energizing walks and mediations.  I need to drain myself of a lifetime, or lifetimes, of accumulated negative energies that now serve no purpose and must be released into the ether.

Thanks to those who have shown me what it means to be patient, and what it means to be there for someone when they need it most.

I embrace the Three Fold Flame of Wisdom, Love, and Justice =)