I'm trying my best to be in the flow with things and let it just happen since it will do me good to shed some baggage. I always thought I needed to keep improving despite feeling very lonely at times only to be pulled back from the edge of destruction by my will to stay in source's love. I have a tendency to forget the glory and see only darkness. Always chasing after this love I know not of. It's like wanting so much to be close to source's love and to identify oneself in it that everything grinds to halt spiritually. A spiritual rut is more like it. Usually I'm calm and controlled which is the biggest issue I have. I am slowly letting go of control but boy is it hard. There's this very disruptive pattern happening and energetically speaking I am all over the place. Being pulled in all sorts of direction is hard because I have things in my life that I have to focus on. I have responsibilities I have to take care of but my nerves are frazzled. I need an anchor desperately. I've always been my own anchor and it has never been a problem until now. Sometimes praying isn't enough. Sometimes having faith isn't enough. I always reach for more. For some the beyond is scary for me it's a necessity. Oh, I'm probably ranting a lot. The state of my mind is just like bam, pow, ouch.....I'm mentally having a war with myself. Lol.
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Lol thank you for the comments and help advice but this is something that happens in layers for me so it's nothing new either. I just needed to write it out or do something because I'm so high on energy. Lol.
Yup been there I know of this very well but I am finally out the other side, little background: brought up in the bad side of town, broken family, relationships, marriage, self harm & cyclic doom patterns any of this sound familiar ? but the main technique that saved my behind was strangely simple on the larger scale Reiki has done allot (more on this in a bit) but the main technique that assisted slowly but surely with the "re-birth" I'll call it was a statement, that I would have a zero tolerance to negativity, I'll explain ~ as any hard trial came up or even a feeling I didn't want any more I said in my head "Thank you spirit for bringing this forth and I release it NOW" please please do try it it does work. As you probably already know these issues come up or are shown to you to learn, acknowledge and release. So i even use this with stomach aches etc. There are no quick fixes but if there was one thing close to it it would be the simple phrase to thank your spirit and release. Back to the Reiki bit I think this could help you allot as it is a powerful style of spiritual healing (don't trust me look it up ) - and fear not I dont want to lure you in to paying me for it lol :) what I do want to say is that recently I have been gifted a style of Reiki that under the condition of learning it I was to attune someone to Master level within one year of myself learning it to the Master Level. Would you be happy to receive training and attunement. Don't answer straight away look it up see if it is for you and ask for guidance first, choosing a Reiki Master has to feel right for you. Get back to me only when you have had a good think about it OK... Love & Light to you
I understand completely. You are not the only one who is having a war with themselves. Thank you for posting this. I am trying to punch forward myself, to move myself up and out, shead some skin, move to higher ground. During certian parts of this shifting in consciousness I was channeling people's emotions (i asked them to clear it up, but they did not) to such an intense degree that my nerves became frazzeled, and it was (sometimes still is) hard for me.
I know from experience that (if you can) employ tools to help you move forward and calm yourself down. The monkey mind might be going crazy in the cage and throwing poop (haha), but still we can do IT!! We just have to not let the poop cloud our eyes, easier said than done I know. I know some things that have helped me are yoga (that is helping the most right now) meditation, epsom salt baths I have lavender "sleep" kind which was amazing to soak in- super relaxing, the lavender epsom salt is the best I have used so far. walking outside, grounding with trees by holding on to them and praying and grounding with them, reading spiritual books, listenting to uplifting positive music. I was reading in this book from Solara An Ra "starborn" that I believe there is a beached whale syndrome, where you need to roll back into the water. I believe I don't have the book in front of me......Especially as shifting gets more intense it is more and more important to have and do a spiritual practice of some sort, so eventually the war will stop and there will be nothing but peace, which is what we all want.
I hope I was helpful to you and what you are going through....