Spiritual Blogs

Subject:  Catholic Shampoo

 

 

Enjoy!     TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER, " WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?" THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND." "I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT. THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO. WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER. HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE.

 

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KIDS IN CHURCH 
3-year-old Reese : 
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven, 
Harold is His name. 
Amen.' 
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A little boy was overheard praying: 
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. 
I'm having a real good time like I am.' 

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, 
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. 
His father asked him three times what was wrong. 
Finally, the boy replied, 
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.' 

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One particular four-year-old prayed, 
'And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those

who put trash in our baskets.' 

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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they 
were on the way to church service, 
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' 
One bright little girl replied, 
'Because people are sleeping.' 

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

'Ryan , you be Jesus !' 

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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old

son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where

a seagull lay dead in the sand.. 'Daddy, what happened to him?'

the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

'Did God throw him back down?' 
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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their

six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?'

'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. 
The daughter bowed her head and said,

'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?' 
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You do not have to be a parent to enjoy this!  But it helps.....

The Christmas Pageant

My husband and I had been happily
Married (most of the time)
For five years
But hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious
Praying and promised God
That if he would give us a
 Child,
I would be a perfect mother,
love it with  all my heart
And raise it with His word
As my guide.

God answered my prayers
And blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us
With another son.

The following year,
He blessed us with
Yet another son.

The year after that we
Were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd
Been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
And the oldest was only
Four years old.

I learned never to ask God
For anything unless I meant it.
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
Make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses
Of the Bible to the children
Each day as they lay in their cribs.

I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
With four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day
The children smashed
Two dozen eggs on
The kitchen floor searching
For baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding...

When they started a hotel for
Homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours
To catch all twenty-three frogs.

When my daughter poured
Ketchup all over herself and
Rolled up in a blanket to see
How it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
Rather than the mess.

In spite of changing over
Twenty-five thousand diapers,
Never eating a hot meal
And never sleeping for more
Than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise
To be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
To raise them in the Word of God.

I knew I was missing the mark
Just a little when I told
My daughter we were going
To church to worship God,
And she wanted to bring
A bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost
In the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
And my son thought it was
Generous of God to give
Us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came
During the children's
Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary,
Two of my sons were shepherds
And my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd
Had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
In swaddling clothes."

But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
In wrinkled clothes."

My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.

That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out
Between Mary and the shepherd
And was stopped by an angel,
Who bent her halo and lost
Her left wing.

I slouched a little lower
In my seat when Mary
Dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
Down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."

Mary grabbed the doll,
Wrapped it back up
And held it tightly as
The wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward
Wearing a bathrobe
And a paper crown,
Knelt at the manger
And announced,
"We are the three wise men,
And we are bringing gifts
Of gold,
Common sense
And fur."

The congregation
Dissolved into laughter,
And the pageant
Got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
Program as much as this one,"
Laughed the pastor,
Wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
Thinking of
Gold,
Common sense
And fur."

"My children are my pride
And my joy and my greatest
Blessing," I said as I dug
Through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.

Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.