I am sitting here and thinking back to my childhood. I am as they say the last tiny peaces of that cake.One spring day in may I decided that now it is enough beeing in here in this tight place called stumach. I had rush out, so much so that I was close to bee born into a toilet.."EW" LOL. But luckely my mother came to hospital in time. My parents where so extremly happy to have got a daughter. Specially my father, and I became his bigest pride his little girl. Both my parents loved me deeply and so did my bígbrothers. But when I was 6 months old I got extremly ill, I was ruched to hospital where they concluded that I had got epilepcy. When I was 4 years old I was so in bad shape that I had 5 doctors around me and 5 nurces. My mum was devistated cause she was sure they where going to loose me for good. I do not rember so much from it. All i know is that I Must have been extremly stuborn, cause I made it. Could not have been easy for my parents when they constantly had to keep a watchfull eye on me when I was in the wather or else also so I would not get hurt badly in enyway. I remember in kindergarden when I was about to get a seizure I went to hide under the table, cause I did not like people stearing at me. If I had to go trough a seizure I wanted to bee left alone. When I was 5 years old I got extremly ill. If not my epilepsy I had then as a child would have been enough. Then I got to sick, started to vimit like an idiot and was in hospital in a special room for patiens witch was badly infected with something. I had not been eating for 10 days only drip that they gave me to get fluid. I remember when they came with food how happy I was, I was so hungry, I was starving! But as soon as I ate a spoon of it I vomited it all upp again. At that point I thought to myselfe, Ok so I am going to starve to death. I was sure I was going to die. But I didn´t one day it stoped and I got well so I finaly could eat food again. After that horrible experience when I was just vomiting and vomiting gull I have had some sort of fobia to vomit! If I have bad nausea I have faighted back! Somehow it seems that I have learned how to controll the vomiting feeling and the nausea. Last time I vomited was when I was 15 years of age when I had stumach flue.
When I was 5-6 I used to like to look at the stars alredy. I thought to myselfe wonder if the stars have people upp there, cause something in me alredy then knew that so where the case. That other like uss lived upp in the sky. My mum said angels live upp there, but I did not listen. Sure angels lived upp there but there must bee people like us living up there as well. I sometimes borrowed my brothers telescope to look at the stars.
When I was 10 I Met Xzai-On in a vision for the very first time as I Have told you in one of my other blogs. Did not know his name then other than I realy liked him and that he looked incredible handsome and nice. I remember in school when I was 12 years of age we had a test about greek gods in history class. I was the ONLY one with full point in that test. The rest of the class was not qualifyed or had very bad points. Naturally I was called book worm then. But the truth was I had enormous interest in acient dead cultures then and their god. Specially old egyp and atlantis was of extreme interest and I remember when i was a teen i sucked in all info about ancient egypt,their gods and also atlantis. Later my interest started to grow enormously for ancient native american cultures, like Mayans,Inca and aztecs. My bigest interests where the mayans. Not long after I got huge interest in India as well. I was fashinated by the old culture that was with us till this day. I liked their people as well, I came very close to some men and they became my very good friends..
I remember once when I looked at a documentary about king Tutankhamun, I bursted into tears an I started to hysterically cry, like I was mourning a dead husband! And that pain, that horrible pain you have when you have lost someone you deeply loved! That feeling I had when I saw his mummy! That was so intence and still today I feel like I am mourning a dead husband when I see king Tutankhamun. There is one thing I realy want to do someday....If I Just had money so I could travel to egypt so I could visit the egyptian museum. So that I could put a red rose on top of his glass coffin...I would feel so happy if I somehow someday could do that....I know that this maby sound wierd in some peoples ears, but King Tuth was my husband in my past life. He was such a WONDERFUL loving husband! I remember I had a bad feeling about Aye, he gave me the chills allways just to look at him. He allways made me nervous when he was around...I know this for a fact cause otherwice I would not have felt that intence pain, no hysterically crying and that intece pain that you are mourning a death over a husband....Well enough of the past, back to present day...Ever since I was teenager I started to dig after the truth, the truth of UFOS and ETS, cause I just knew they excisted ever since i was a child..My life have not been a easy ride and sertainly not a dance on roses. My epilepsy disapeared when I was 20 and have not been taking eny medication since then. I have been mentaly and fysically abused by men. So much pain! I remember I used to think, this world, this earth is evil,this place is not a home for me. If there is men up there in space, men with a devine soul, please come and get me OUT OF THIS CRUEL WORLD...Cause I somehow allways felt that I did not belong here. I was rather alone than around people, cause It felt like I did not fit in with them. I felt like I belonged somewhere else..when I was 29 I met Xzai-On the second time in a vision. Like I said earlier you can find my story how I Met Xzai-On in a nother blog of mine....Sure I have had horrible experiences of men, treating me like a dirth bag, fysically,mentaly and sexually abusing me, so yeah I have gon trough a lot of shit! In school I was badly bullied also. But there has never been eny hatred towards them, instead I have felt pity for them. Sure I have been heartbroken meny times, but there has never been eny hatered towards this people that has bullied me, abused me and hurted me. Alredy as a teen I knew that you are not coming enywhere with hatred to the people that is hurting you. I have been emotional, sensitive,sympatic ever since I was little. I have got very emotional and sad when I have seen human suffering, seen wars on tv etc. That is why I never look at the news. It is to much pain,suffering,terror and wars that it makes me sick and heartbroken to see it. That is why I never look at the news..I have to say, even my obstacles in´life, even if I felt pain and even if I was treaten like dirtbag by the men, I have to say I have had a wonderfull life and childhood. My parents and my brothers has loved me to bits and the childhood was filled with love...One school mate of mine died of a drug overdose. His parents did not give shit in him, how or what he was doing. They did not even know he was growing kokain in his own bedroom. If they would have shown more care and love for their only son instead of that idiotic money he would defenitely bee alive today. But his parents did not care a shit. Sure his friend told him to cool off with that drug use. But hey, who is it that kinds listen to more parents or friends? Naturally their parents even if they do not edmit that at time. Because the kids know their parents loves them and cares for them when they tell them that they sould not do that, drugs are dangerous etc. My school mate did never feel loved or cared, something that every child needs. His parents where just seeing dollar signs in their eyes and did not care a shit abou their only child. Once when I was visiting him with a friend and we where looking at Dr Snuggles, his parents came quickly home. They did not say high or even asked how his day had been in school. They where just walking in the house like he did not even excist. It was very desturbing to see and naturaly since his parents did not care enything about him, he allways ended upp in trubble with some guy in school fighting realy badly so that the boy he fighted with started to bleed etc...Well, my school mate has been dead now for some years. But that shows how corupted you can get of money and greed. Money should need to bee forbidden and we should instead have everything for free and exchange stuff with eachother! That is a world I want to live in. A world where only love, peace, harmony and spiritualism excists....
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