And yet, I stare dead ahead at what's still to be accomplished. I suppose I'm impatient.
I don't know how to let my fears up gently, so they've been emerging in my dreams. I can't keep them pent up anymore. There's simply no room. Again and again they pound at me like waves, terrified as I am of getting to the point where thoughts manifest instantly. Has anyone heard of a disorder where you have frequent, unwanted, repetitive thoughts? It might be a product of repression. Anyone know any good tips for combating it?
I am so damned restless all the time, but I've developed a small case of agoraphobia. I do escape for short periods to roam the outside as I take in the day by day beauty of spring's conception. When I settle down somewhere, and totally relax, the sunlight magnetizes itself to my spot, and gentle breezes play with my hair, in a loving fashion. Yes, I can see the immediate and direct effect of my vibration. Then again, I live near Dallas, and beautiful as this particular neighborhood is... Nature isn't revered in this place. So sitting under a tree can be out of the ordinary. Unless, maybe, it were in the park, and I had a book... But I hate to have to stage myself.
What's more, communication between my twin and I is suffering a bit, I think, because we're both struggling with a lot on our own. We distract our own progress by fretting for the other, and I'm terrified of talking to him lately. Terrified that every time I open my mouth something stupid will come out. But our words are only formalities. There is nothing I can emotionally hide from him. I wouldn't want to. And a single flicker of my emotional vibration he picks up on instantly.
But... We've come too far to be pulled apart by even ourselves.
Now... Wish me luck because when the sun comes up I'm going to attempt to meditate. A difficult task in an area with no outdoor or indoor privacy... At least not that's suitably comfortable.
Namaste my friends
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