Where I'm at - at the moment

I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"President Trump's US imports tariff list, of world nations and the percentages, against each....

https://www.newsweek.com/trump-reciprocal-tariff-chart-2054514"
27 minutes ago
Drekx Omega replied to Justin89636's discussion Anything Health Related
"⚠️If any reader is thinking of going to the People's Republic of China 🇨🇳 and they've been convinced by CCP propagandists (often westerners,) that the hospital fees are minimal and GP appointments are cheap and easy, THINK AGAIN, BEFORE TRAVELLING…"
55 minutes ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Music for your soul.
"Kazzey - Summer Night ft. Sally Green (Official Audio) Night Cruisin'🛸✨✨✨👏🏻🌞

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jal77e1ywnI"
1 hour ago
Drekx Omega commented on Drekx Omega's blog post One Rebel Star Should Fall From The EU Flag's Circular Constellation and Rise Anew With Greater and Brighter Light
"🗽In historical terms, what you are witnessing is the END of globalism, as a new dispensation takes over....One based upon a return to national sovereignty, a return to focus upon nation states and true economic benefit for their people and not just…"
1 hour ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Music for your soul.
"Kazzey - Move Ur Body ft. Sally Green (Official Audio) Night Cruisin' 🛸✨✨✨👏🏻🌞

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB05CKa52jM"
1 hour ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"🗽In historical terms, what you are witnessing is the END of globalism, as a new dispensation takes over....One based upon a return to national sovereignty, a return to focus upon nation states and true economic benefit for their people and not just…"
2 hours ago
AlternateEarth posted a blog post
Aerosolized bioweapons? Strange “diploid biomasses” falling out of the sky in Florida captured under the microscope04/03/2025 // Mike Adams // 1K Views Tags: badhealth, badmedicine, biological experiments, biological weapons, chemtrails, fog,…
5 hours ago
Edward posted a status
Thanks............
Take care......
7 hours ago
More…