If you are just reading this, I would encourage you to read the previous blogs, it helps give context:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/a-very-weird-imagin... 

And I would especially recommend reading Rae's blogs if you don't know what I mean by Yuwan.

I say that because parents would get fussy if I didn't say that.

Experience

I was lying down, drifting through space, when I thought that there was a man (for the queasy, do not continue) butt-raping me.  I kicked the bloke off, and saw him charging at me with a sword.  He did this a few times, missing me every time, although intentionally it seemed.  Then he started at new strategies, and I had to start dodging his attacks.  Eventually, I thought of using fire, so I immolated myself, and sent fire heading to wherever the guy was attacking.  After that stopped working, I made water fall from above (the place I was in was completely black, except for us; somehow we had normal lighting) in large sheets of water.  I think this stunned him for a little bit, so then I used electricity and zapped the water.

He was now sitting on the bottom of wherever we were, and I went down to where he was, and started beating him up.  I made claws from my fingers and started tearing him, and then I felt myself change into (at least on the head) a tiger, and I ripped the guy’s head off.  Yugh.  Now his head was about a meter from the body, and I thought to myself that I should have at least tried to get information out of him.

So now, I was relatively free to swim about.  I thought of the Zora from the Legend of Zelda series, and decided Why not? and changed into one.  The Zora’s knees are double jointed, so that they can be swung back and forth like a fish’s tail.  I swam for a while, and came back to the body, trying to see if I could actually see what it looked like instead of what my imagination put there, and succeeded a little bit, but not enough to actually figure out what he looked like (although it looked like the first form of the creature of doubt), then went swimming again.

Eventually I decided that I should go to my garden and see if I could try using true sight.  When I got there, it was night, with a partly cloudy sky and a large moon hanging in the sky above the ocean.  It looked… um, nice.  I’m not a poet.  I laid on the grass, and Anna (I guess?) came up and laid down next to me, I remember we had a small exchange where I said I was trying to use true sight.  I remember also asking if we had had sex, and she said yes, and I was said Ok, just making sure. 

I looked down at the ocean, and there was a caravel there.  I thought, firstly, how is a ship in the ocean of my garden? and secondly, how is it going to port?  I didn’t know if there was one, I told Anna I was going to go check this out, and walked down to the beach.  There was a port I guess, if there wasn’t then there was when I got there (made of wooden planks).

I stood waiting for the ship to stop, and when it did I braced to greet whoever was coming off.  When they stood in front of me, my imagination placed there Captain Hook, but when I tried to use true sight I could see it was more like… what’s that guy’s name… that guy who believes in Scientology, and his first name is Tom, (Cruise!  Tom Cruise!) it was like a mix of him, and Leonardo DiCaprio, with maybe a little Steve Martin, and then add in a lot of tanning.

He greeted me, and told me that he was going to rob me of what I had.  Some of his lackeys came from the ship and leered at me, waving around their swords and such.  I told him that he wasn’t going to rob me, but I would offer him a stay at my house.  He accepted, and his crew followed me to the natural staircase leading from the beach to the grassy area of my garden, at which point he stopped.  I asked him why he did this, and he told me there was a barrier that, if he crossed it, would get him into a lot of trouble, and it was hard enough to breach in the first place.  He put his sword up to the part where he had stopped, and it was repelled by some sort of field thingy.  He told me he’d wait out there to have me give my stuff to him.  I was like, bullshit, right, like I’ll do that.  As I walked away, I realized that he could talk to me.  Which meant… that sound (along with the EMF spectrum) could get through, even though he couldn’t.  At which point they sent this creature through the barrier, which was all gusty and hazy like a ghost, and it started whirling around me and screaming and such.  I suppose it was a creature of sound and light-wave energy.  I noticed that they started to shoot cannonballs at the field from their ship, which would hit the field, make a big indention, and then sort of slide off.

The creature kept going on me, and it started to cut off my senses, the first of which was hearing, then sight (I was blinded by a big white light), then touch, with smell, balance and taste somewhere in between.  At this point, I was simply an existence, except for when my third person view kicked in and let me see what was happening, and that only lasted for a few seconds at a time.

It was rather interesting being simply an existence.  I had no control over my body, I couldn’t even feel my body.  All I saw was white, I felt nothing, heard nothing.  I “looked down” at myself from the perspective I had, and there was nothing.  I reflected on what part this had to do with my search for true sight.

After I sat there for a while, I imagined what it was like to be in a hospital in the condition I was in.  I thought, what if I had just my index finger?  I could communicate that way.  I could make little letters in the air with my finger, and people could do things.  I made a message, I can feel my arm, and then I could.  I could feel my arm, and my finger, even though I had no sight to go with them (by the way, I was still in this world, alive and well, and had all my senses; I found it hard to believe that I had lost my senses (well maybe in a sense of the word I have)). 

I could also hear, and after a little bit all my senses came back with the sound of a shattering of glass.  I looked over, and they had thrown this huge ball through the shield, and had literally shattered it.  I looked above, and saw a dragon with a number of heads.  I got up, watched the dragon attack the ship, and I restored the shield with a bit of my energy.

I walked in the direction of the house.  A man stopped me, at first I thought it was the guy, but it wasn’t, it was the guy who looked like the guy who I had killed just a little while back.  He started teasing me, trying to bite my finger.  After a while I told him to quit, and asked him who he was.  I gathered that he was the shadow self, and he wanted to help me come back together so that he could merge back with me apparently, and he was trying to do whatever he needed to do that (not sure if he was lying about that).  Apparently this involved me conquering my past, and he was the puppet to do that with.

I saw him as the shadow self, as the black-purple skinned version of me, and told him that I’d talk to him if needed.  I reflected on what a helpful shadow self this was, if he was trying to bullshit me with something.  I walked back to the house, and paused for a moment to look at my reflection in the window.  I found that I did sort of look like Lin from Fullmetal Alchemist.  I thought… Lin, me... Greed, shadow self.  Hmm.  Similarities, maybe?

I went into my cabin.  It was the same as before, a bed on the right, some trinkets on the shelves above me, a fire across from the door, and some scrolls piled in a corner.  I went over to the scrolls, and picked one up.  I undid it, and when I looked at it, I really couldn’t tell what it was, it was either blank or it had Chinese characters on it (my mind said Confucian characters for some reason).  I sat there for a while, trying to figure out what it said, then put it down and got another one.  When I opened it, a ghost came out of it, that looked like a bull, except a little creepier.  It kept leering at me and making loud noises at me.  I thought, Is this a memory, that I should be remembering?  The bull seemed to go with that idea, and it covered my field of vision.

Before it did that, there was some ambient classical music playing in my head, but after, it was Speak to me/ Breathe by Pink Floyd.  It was a psychedelic song.  I saw a herd of bulls running, and I was on a horse, and I saw that they were about to go off a cliff, and I tried to stop them but they went on going.  Past the cliff, that is.  They were charging in air, and I was riding my horse above the ocean trying to keep the herd together.

I came back, and told the bull that I wouldn’t try to remember, it was too much to contemplate.  It got mad, howled at me, then started rushing me.  It could go through walls, but when it hit me, it was as solid as anything else.  After it had started to rush me from above, I told it no, I wasn’t.

At a point then, I got a memory of when I bought the bull (at an auction), of burying the bull, of when I was an old man and a man had a sheet of paper in front of me on a desk that was important somehow, and me telling him that no, by God, I wasn’t going to support this goddamned bill, and a memory of nuzzling the bull, and of when I was in jail for thirty days.  Apparently this was a past life, where I was a ranger or something, probably in the middle 19^th century, the life preceding the one where I was a German WWI soldier.  I must have lived to eighty or so, dying somewhere in the 1880’s or 90’s.  When I got out of the memory, I told the bull that I remembered, and I hugged it.  It was happy, and it went back into the scroll.  At the last moment I remembered I had called it Powwow.

I put the scroll back into the pile, and made sure each scroll was tightly bound by each red ribbon it had.  I took back the one with the questionable Chinese characters on it, undid it, and put it up on the wall opposite my bed.  I waited, and it looked like there were 4 characters going down it.  When I read to the bottom, I noticed that the bottom was torn, as thought there was a piece missing.  I thought to look around for it, and looked under the bed, and found a missing piece.  When I put it to the scroll, it reattached, and the characters shined bright white.  I thought to myself… look, I’ve Chinese scrolls too… heh, I wonder if I was related to Rae in some past life.  Then I thought:  Yuwan.  I’m not sure… but the lady-witch woman who I’d chased had told me that she was the product of the mixing of my energy and Rae’s, which I took to mean sexually.  Or something like that.  And I went… shit, could it be?  That was the bastard child of me and Rae, no, my mind went What a schtupid idea.  But… I don’t know.  That could be a possibility.

After that, I rested again back on the bed.  I looked into the window over my shoulders, and saw another ship.  I went what the hell, and when the ship landed, my shadow self went out and got the person who got off really fast, and snapped him to my door, leaving him in the doorway and shutting the door on him.  I drew him in, and stood him up.  He started throwing up.  I waited a while for him to finish, then he stood up and drew a line across my brow, down my nose, and then under my nose, with his finger, like a double cross.  He looked sort of like a friar.  He told me his name was Francis Ryan, he came to tell me about something I was to do, and he said “It says in Matthew 3:8 that…” and at this point I decided to drop out, because the connection was faltering, and I didn’t want to keep it up.

Dream

I was at a computer, I was a business man I think, like maybe a record producer, I was looking up erotic cartoon images of transvestites, to see if I still reacted to them.  That is, recently, here, I just got over this, and in the dream I was testing to see if I still reacted to that stimulus (which is something I really think would be an accomplishment; erotic images of transvestites has been fucking with me for maybe two or three years now, and I think I finally got over them last night).  Anyway, so in the dream I was trying to look it up, and I got an image, and it didn’t do anything for me.  Which was great.  But then I accidentally left it on the screen, and the screen went direct to an electronic billboard in the middle of Nashville.  I was riding with someone when I saw this, and rushed to get it off of the computer (which was a laptop I had with me at the time, I think).  The person riding with me commented, when I told him what it was, that it didn’t really look like anything weird.  He didn’t even notice it, and he didn’t think too heavily upon it.  I think some other people told me they didn’t even think it was strange; some said they thought it was part of the picture.

Then the second phase, I was outdoors, there were 4 tables, each of which had a computer.  Two of my classmates, who I just finished a project with, and I didn’t like doing the project with them, were sitting at two of the computers, and I was sitting at one of them.  We were each doing our own thing, I guess.  I was trying to look up something on the Internet or was trying to find some information on the computer itself.  I remember the teacher of the class that my mates were in (German) told me something… I couldn’t find what I was looking for, due to something that caused me to go over to the raised graveyard near our house.  It overlooks the highway next to my house, the graves are very old, and there’s a black fence there.  It’s kind of pleasant.  It was cloudy, like it is today, like it were to rain, and I was sitting with a laptop on the stair case that went between the graveyard and the sidewalk, trying to look up whatever it was I was trying to look up, (which might have been an image to test if I still reacted, I dunno).  After it seemed that I was about to succeed in getting some information, these two guys came and started trying to beat me up.  This is the part of the dream where I think I had a little bit of control over myself, I dunno.  I did these awesome Matrix-style moves, where time would slow down for me and I would perform incredible acrobatic feats, which finished them off.  Then three more guys showed up, and one of them had a machine gun, and I was able to dodge the bullets by pulling that same Matrix-style stuff, and beat them up.

The third part was where the entire population of my school (roughly 800 kids, with staff) had been moved to this underwater, secure school-like place.  There wasn’t much contact with the outside world, and I remember arriving there in something… I was there because I had the incredible Matrix moves, plus something else which involved spells or energy or something.  The school was to teach the children magic, and to keep people from stopping them from learning magic, which was why it was very secure.  I remember watching some of my classmates doing magic, like lighting their hand on fire, and I remember a friend of mine saying “Mr. (identity protected) sucks!” like I’d expect him to.  And there was a female friend, who’s fat, but also really cool, and she was standing on a table with everybody watching her for some reason, like she was special or something.

Gosh, I hope that’s a prophetic vision.  Hehee.

Next:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/group/balancepath/forum/topics/the-mixing-of-two-halves